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I kinda wish I never did drugs.

F

FreshPerspective

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2012
Messages
7
(My first post so please excuse me if this is in the wrong place).
I'm 23m. I dropped out of college twice. I've never been in a relationship. I have no job. I didn't see the potential I had when I was younger. I got all As in hs. Until my senior year when I started getting high. I had suffered anxiety for years and never made friends [with people I'd see outside of school]. I remember having the thought that I wanted to slowly kill myself with drugs. I almost succeeded, over dosing twice when I was 20. Anywho, I'm 23 and not doing anything. I feel stuck. I sacrificed my ambition for drugs. I'm not on drugs anymore (smoke now and then).

But I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation as I am: Having so much potential, then sacrificing that to do drugs and getting no where.
How do I get myself back?
 
all you have to do is try again!
you obviously are smart and capable. all you need to do is apply yourself (trust me, I KNOW this is easier said than done)

The past doesn't define who you are, the present does, so start doing something to become the person you wanna be.
Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about CREATING yourself.
 
rather than dwell on the past, seek to find the best path for the future.

same shit here. school sucked. fucked around, gettin' high.
eventually something good panned out, and I got another chance. Might not be a quick and easy path to success, but with hard work and thoughtful planning afforded by the school of hard knocks who knows what we can achieve.
 
For years I struggled through addictions to each drug in phases, following the typical progression- tentatively ending with opiates. I had to make the decision to finally, reluctantly grow up. But as a result I've truly discovered my potential, that I guess I knew was there but had previously been unable to tap into.

Staying clean means you're in the right mindset. If you're not in school or working, go back to school or get a job, or both. Staying busy is all but imperative if you want to find your potential. Otherwise you won't be adequately engaged, and you'll stay in the same pattern you're in now. Think about the way you envisioned yourself being, and work in steps towards that.

This would be better suited for the Dark Side.
 
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Being in very much the same situation, (except Im married w/ 2 little girls) I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist. It may take a while to diagnose you, but stick with it & find one you can trust. It has done wonders for me, and Bluelight has been great in discussing and researching various medicine. Hope it all works out. Hang in there! Sometimes the drugs are not the problem...but sometimes they are.
 
Hi there FreshPerspective, welcome to BDD!

I'm going to move this thread to TDS (The Dark Side) which is the forum covering drug addiction, other problems resulting from drug-use, mental health, emotional difficulties etc as I think it is the best place for you to get some help and support. BDD covers more harm-reduction related queries (dosing, combinations, safety questions etc). It takes a while to get used to which forum covers what - the guidelines for both forums are in my signature. I hope that is okay <3

I think a lot of people will be able to emphasise with you. You are in a stronger position than you realise I think - you've stopped your drug use, which can be the hardest step. Where would you like your life to be now? Can you think of the steps you would need to take to get yourself to that place? Try to think of it in small steps, rather than climbing a huge mountain all at once..

Have you had any help with your anxiety and suicidal thoughts? Seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist could really help you. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this (apart from us of course)?

It is never too late to start getting your life on track, and a lot of people change direction later in life or simply don't realise what they want to do until they are a bit older. Good luck :) <3

BDD > TDS
 
Hey Bro! Your best option is to get back in college! Get a positive attitude be optimistic set your goals high and get to it! Play some intramural sport in college to help keep your mind off drugs and keep good health! You can do this dude, believe in yourself! Prove what you have have been in the recent past wrong! Talk to people about it like you are right now it'll help! Just find some motivation and get your ass back in school! You can do it!!!!
 
I've been in and am still currently in, although so so so so so close to getting out of, you position OP! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

My advice: you must realize, even if you have to "lie" to yourself in this regard, that you are okay and that you WILL come out on top. You have to understand that, wrap your head around it. Only then will things like my next bit of advice make sense: You also simply have to try. And keep trying. Try, try, and try again. You'll end up there. As has been mentioned, try not to dwell on the past so much. If it bothers you, and who knows, maybe it should, it's so much more constructive to make something good out of it. Use it to motivate yourself.

Own your past, don't let it own you. Your past DOES not limit your future. Your future, as long as you're willing to try, is limitless. There, in reality, is nothing you cannot do, even if some things make more sense or are more practical than others. The point still is though, when it comes to your success, the point isn't so much how, but when.

It'll happen, as long as you believe in yourself, put your heart into it and try.
 
What's happened to you has happened to the majority of the participants of this forum. We've all (well, most) had our lives interrupted by substance abuse at some point. Some of us, like you, were still in school and had to leave in order to seek treatment for their chemical dependency before returning. Others, like myself, had to take time off from their profession to seek treatment to obtain abstinence from substances (provided that was their goal, as it was for me).

The take home message is that you can have everything you wanted and more; a history of substance abuse does not mean that you cannot pursue your dreams like anyone else. But you are vulnerable in a way that others without a history of substance abuse are not, and it's important that you have peer support in the form of a sober network that you can rely upon when things get stressful and you are tempted to use. You mentioned that you still smoke now and then. I'm assuming that you mean weed, and I would encourage you to reflect upon that--what may seem harmless often turns out to be a gateway to the use of other substances. Many of us, myself included, have relapsed this way.
 
Oh, boy. My story sounds a lot like yours. hahaha. But yeah, can't dwell on the past ;) gotta move forward! You can get that ambition back.. I slowly am.. Oh, and welcome to bluelight :]
 
It's all in your head; remember that one kid. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow:( Anything is possible:\ Just put the drugs down, okay?!<3
 
If you're 23, you've lived around a quarter of your potential life-span, if that.

You may have never even met the person you'll love most in the entire world; the person you'll marry and have children with, laugh with, cry with, loathe the 'Star Wars' prequels with, etc. There's a 3:4 chance that the best movie you'll ever see has yet to be seen, that the best song you'll ever hear has yet to be heard—the best sex of your life could never even happen because you might just want to end it now. And that's fine, it's your choice and I respect that choice even if I disagree with it wholeheartedly...

For billions of years, the various particulate matter that makes up your very brain, allowing you to say such things, has drifted about the cosmos and briefly, in some quirk of incredible luck, it has now coalesced into you: a human being, living in the most peaceful, well-educated, well-fed, financially-stable and safest time in human history. Considering the size of the universe, and the sheer length of eternity, those are pretty long odds.

In astronomical terms, your life is a tiny, tiny speck when compared to the lifetime of a galaxy or your typical celestial body. Life is fleeting and finite (and often unfair) but that does not make it insignificant; it makes it urgent, and that gives you a reason to change, or to do something new. You say that you've never been in a relationship? Get out and look for someone and meet them and talk to them and repeat this until you find someone interested who'll maybe start something with you. What do you have to lose?

Drugs are just a tool and there are two kinds: the type that blanket a problem, do nothing to treat it but make you feel better, and the type that make you feel better. Oddly enough, the former are far more recreational—antibiotics just never seemed that fun, really—and so you've learned a life lesson about it all, but now you're free. The fact that you've done drugs will not be on any job application, it won't be brought up by any future partners unless you explain your past to them in full, and noone has to know. I don't think that you've lost any potential whatsoever; you've merely lost your motivation.

Get it back and do whatever you want to do 'cause you know that you deserve it and you probably want it, too. Life isn't fair, but it's just so unbelievably fun!

Good luck.
Take care.
 
^ This is a wise man.

It's never too late to start creating the life you want for yourself no matter how badly you think you may have stuffed it up. It's your choice now do you want to stay in the past or create a new future for yourself? You say you "had" so much potential, you better believe it's still there! You've just got to believe in yourself again, take a chance, go back to school. No time like the present!
 
I'm in a similar situation, had a few friends in high school but they're all out the picture now... very severe anxiety and the works. No job, struggling through college dropping classes, and I kinda wish I could back a year ago where I was bad but alright in a way...I don't know shit sucks now.
 
Man drugs do that to so many people. i graduated college but that doesn;t mean shit. I had so much potential and Ifucekd my self being addicted to dope. It;s a horrible life..you pass up so many opportunities.

I just wanna be clean off all drugs, have a wife white picket fence a dog, a normal life, not be stuck in teh rain homelss trying to get high or something or 85 years old blind going to the methadone clinic still failing my drug tests.

You can get through this.. man sometimes I think its impossible..but around here thers a LOT of na shit..and I go to meetings and stuff and yo peopel who have like 1-2 years clean its insane they have turned their lives around so much.they are so happy in a way you cant imagine your self ever feeling like that again without drugs. Maybe try a support gorup, aa na, or if you like a religion maybe get involved with that.

All I know is you can/t go it alone,, its impossible almost to get clean and stay clean on your own.. you need like some family, or some support system, a network of friends, or maybe a halfway like clean house to live in or maybe amn outpatient program where they drug test you and you get group therapy..or maybe individual counseling? Point is there is a lot you can do.. if you focus on getting clean the rest will follow (thats what I hear lol).

In na they say if you keep comin back and you don;'t pick up.. like do that 1 day, then do that again the next day, then dont pick up again the next day, just keep doin tghat battling it every day, and the rest will come.. eventually yoll gain back trust, find a super model girl friend win the lotto and be happy forever.. LOL jk but for real.. it does seem to work for people. I envy them.. I cant seem to make to past 30 days..but this time maybe it'll be the last day I ever use drugs..

Its werid to think about but like when you get clean..there is gonig to be that day where it was hte last day you ever picked up adn shot dope or whatever. Planned or not.. I like to think mine will be planned and its not b/c I get put in jail or a mental insitutujion or died...
 
im back!

This is my fist post in over 3yrs cos I spent that time battling heroin and ghb addiction. 11 detoxes and 5 rehabs later (including an 9month rehabstay) and I'm pleased to be able to say that im over 14months clean from all drugs & alcohol :-)

In that 3yrs of trying and constantly failing to stay sober I only managed to stay alive by sheer luck. Drugs took me to the darkest place I have ever been and the shame and guilt that even now overshadows my daily life for the things I did and the people I hurt in my addiction still effects me.

You would think that all that would make me wish I'd never picked up drugs in the first place but I don't. It took me a while but today I realise that total abstinence is the only way for me to live. If I thought I could just use occasionally and be ok I would, but I've proved to myself time and time again that I cant so I don't even consider it an option.

Although being able to get messed up would be nice once and a while that's a small price to pay for what im getting in recovery. It's weird but if I wasn't an addict I don't think I would have to focus on leading a positive and fulfilling life, since I feel I don't have a choice but to work a program and focus on being a positive force in the world or else I risk getting into a space where I might use again.

What im trying to say is although drugs nearly killed me (dozens of times) and made my life not worth living, if I hadn't started using them and eventually become an addict I would never have the peace of mind and deep understanding of myself that I have today. I regret a lot of things I did during my active addiction but picking up drugs in the first place isn't one of them.
 
ilikeacid said:
What im trying to say is although drugs nearly killed me (dozens of times) and made my life not worth living, if I hadn't started using them and eventually become an addict I would never have the peace of mind and deep understanding of myself that I have today. I regret a lot of things I did during my active addiction but picking up drugs in the first place isn't one of them.
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That is a really good perspective to have. The worst things in our lives are our best teachers when we let ourselves learn.
 
I sometimes think about how my brain would be if I hadn't taken drugs. Like if I could instantaneously switch from how I am now, to how I could have been if I hadn't done all the mdma, just to be able to see the differences in how I think and process information. I pretty much fried my frontal lobe with X and I don't really feel compassion or empathy like I used to as a kid.
 
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