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TDS I just want to be off suboxone and live my life :(

S

socalgg1551

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
22
I don't have a question or need any advice in particular because I more or less already know the answer, I'm just starting to accept the terrible situation I have found myself in and need someone to hear me out. So after struggling through an almost life ending heroin addiction which involved everything from living on the streets, to going to jail, getting hep c to overdosing multiple times and ruining everything in my life, I finally wanted a normal life and wanted to get my shit together. I got on suboxone and completely changed my life. I went back to school and transferred to a a well known California State University where I am getting a bachelors in finance and got a very good job and completely left my old life behind me. I moved out of my parents house and got my own place and turned into a total gym rat and have tried my hardest to live a normal, healthy life and leave my past behind me.

Now 4-5 years have passed, and I realize that I cannot completely change my life and move on until I am off everything, including the suboxone. Now, I have gotten off suboxone before but it was never after being on it continuously for this amount of time which is about 4-5 years. I initially thought sub withdrawal only lasts about a week to a week and a half, but after doing much research found out sub w/d lasts for months and is absolutely horrible and is one of the hardest things to quit. I just want to be clean off everything and live a normal life like I always wanted but it seems like I will never be able to get off this damn suboxone. There is no way I could ever get a few months off from work and school to kick the subs and thats if I even was able to and there is no way me or my parents could ever afford to send me to inpatient rehab again. I feel like my dream of having a clean, drug free, medication free life will never happen and I will forever be on subs.

It makes me so depressed to know that there is the chance I will forever have to wake up everyday and have to take suboxone or else I will feel sick. I hate subs but at the same time I am grateful it got me off the needle. I just don;t know what to do. I am on literally a .2 mg of sub a day and yet I still need this tiny amount or else I feel I will lose my mind. I can't do anything or go anywhere without worrying about whether I have my subs with me. As nice as it is that I'm clean from dope, it still feels like I'm living in a prison, being controlled by this orange film. I feel there is no way out and I will forever live like this. I hate my life and how every where I turn its just more disappointments and brick walls ready to slam me in the face.
 
0.2mg of Suboxone is not a high amount. You've got great chances of getting off of it, especially with a doctor's help. I'm assuming you have a doctor who works with you regarding the Suboxone?

Get honest (as you've done with us here - kudos!).
Be honest with yourself, be honest with your doctor. Honesty will be the catalyst for your success, if you choose to continue to divulge all of your story with those who have the ability to help you!

Until you reach your doctor, stick with us (and even after, too!)
I know many in this community with the capacity and willingness to offer you advice :)

~ Vaya
 
Hmm, I've not been on suboxone therapy, but there are indeed many here who have, and many have been able to cease taking it successfully. I know of one long-time poster here who dissolves his medication in solution and has successfully titrated down, over time, from a rather high dose.

PAWS(Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) is legitimately horrific, but there are many things you can do to speed the recovery process, including comfort medications, exercise regimens to help the brain recover and begin producing it's natural opioids and endorphins, even alternative therapies such as acupuncture and massage may be helpful.

At least you've come to the right place. There's been thousands of members here who have successfully stopped taking opioids, so you're not alone! I personally have to continue opioid therapy due to medical reasons, but as a longtime lurker and then poster, I assure you that you're not alone facing that particular struggle.

Best of luck!

:D
 
suboxone also saved my life 5 years ago.
I'm still on a high dose and have accepted that I need it for now.
I was on heroin for 10 years,maybe try the subs for same.
I'm still grateful to be off the streets and on bu.
it doesnt bother me.

you are on a low dose and should be able to quit.
good luck.
 
I know exactly how you're feeling. I was on subs for about a year on 8mg a day and I quit cold turkey 39 days ago. I felt I would never get off that was my 5th time trying to quit in 5 months and I finally got it. It's a shitty feeling knowing you're still dependent on an opiate to feel normal, even though externally everything was better, I was still extremely miserable. The withdrawals don't last months,I felt really shitty for about 15 days and by day 21 I was starting to feel significantly better and at day 28 I felt about 90% normal. I feel completely normal now at day 39 and I'm happier than I've ever been, I have absolutely no depression or anxiety. It feels so good to be clear headed, you don't notice how much of a zombie you are until you're completely off subs. I feel like a completely different person. I can feel real emotions and not wonder if its just the drug I'm feeling and that's amazing. Life is so much more fulfilling and I feel love on a much deeper level, suboxone hindered my ability to truly love and connect with other people. I don't believe in staying on it just because things are good externally, if your not happy then you should get off of it and see how much more fulfilling life is, I promise you won't regret it. It's definitely not easy but it's possible, Im living proof of that. I know that hopless feeling I felt it too, but you have to be willing to go trough the pain to get the happiness. I really hope that helps, I believe that you can do this if you want it bad enough.
 
it's interesting how no one man reacts the same to opiates.
suboxone helps IMMENSELY with my depression.
I have bipolar though,maybe that's why.
fuck knows.
listen to your heart and then do whats right.
 
Suboxone has helped me get off dope but now after so many years I truly just want to be off everything and let my body be free and not need any substances to live. I just can't afford to be sick for several weeks straight because of work and school.
 
Skip one day then dose again. Do this for a week or two. Then skip two days then dose. Then three days and dose and so on until you are completely off the subs. On the days you skip have some Aleve,Motrin something to help with the nausea and a sleep aid. All OTC though,no scripts! Hell yes it will take determination! YOU CAN DO IT!
I used every opiate known to man for 34 years and finally had enough of being a slave to it! You're young and already on the right path! You can do it!

I forgot to add IMODIUM to the list of OTC to get...
 
well damn...anddd thats how i felt no matter how much i changed my life on subs it always haunted me....im stilll dependent&its stillll gonna be there...grr
 
Morphling said:
PAWS(Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) is legitimately horrific, but there are many things you can do to speed the recovery process, including comfort medications, exercise regimens to help the brain recover and begin producing it's natural opioids and endorphins, even alternative therapies such as acupuncture and massage may be helpful.



Best of luck!

:D
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+1, excellent advice. Suboxone, and the opioid you used before, pretty much replaced the natural endorphins. One theory I am familiar with is to focus on those thing that also produce endorphins: diet, exercise, and did I mention diet and exercise...

Try to hook up with a professional or a recovering person who has done it. It is so doable, and you might be WAAAY closer than you think! Congrats on school, the job, and all the time you spend at the gym!
 
Just wanted to give everyone an update, I was not able to kick the subs alone and cold turkey, and finally went to Mexico to undergo ibogaine treatment. I have now been off sub for two and a half weeks and besides the constant cold sweats and goosebumps, I actually feel pretty good. Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement, it really helps
 
Nice, I did ibogaine too (at home though with supervision) to get out of a 10 year opiate addiction... to poppy tea and kratom and sometimes heroin. Worked amazingly well and my life is so different now. It's been 3 months for me, not a single craving for opiates or that old life. I am glad to hear of a case of ibogaine working for suboxone, I had heard it's not very effective for it. Just told someone it wasn't in fact. Then again we're all different. I didn't even experience any lingering withdrawal or PAWS afterwards.

Kudos!!
 
Just wrote a long reply only to see your update!8(

Great stuff getting clean man, it's a protracted battle with bupe but the goosebumps and sweats will fuck off soon. I kicked from 24mg about two months ago, looking back it was about 6 weeks before I felt right really but I feel great now even though I'm reducing on benzos as well (had a few shitty days after my drop from 25mg diazepam to 20mg but that's it really).

When the fatigue leaves and you get back in the gym you will really notice the difference of not being on opiates. Even when I was stable on bupe my cardio was nowhere, I would crack so quickly unless I had literally just had my bupe. Now I actually feel myself when I get out doing exercise despite the benzos.

Anyway, great to hear you're clean. The physical wd will really start clearing up in the next week or so most likely, keep on truckin'!:)
 
Congratulations. You have really taken your life back into your hands. Focus on how good that feels.<3
 
Thank you everyone, ibogaine was pretty much my last resort to avoid being sick for months from sub withdrawals and it really is a miracle cure and its so sad how its still illegal in America.

Also @Xorkoth, you had absolutely no physical withdrawal symptoms after ibogaine? The doctors told me even after ibogaine, I would feel mild lingering withdrawals because of how long I was on sub for. I was dying from the constant cold sweats and goosebumps and chills after I came home from the ibogaine clinic in Mexico, and it got to the point where I had to get some clonidine which helps a lot. I'm just worried I'll become physically dependent on the clonidine. I also still have the dope sneezes (sneezing 4-5 times in a row constantly). Also the doctors told me I had to be on a shorter acting opiates for atleast a month before doing the ibogaine treatment because ibogaine doesn't work after immediately taking subs, so I was on methadone and heroin for about a month prior to the treatment and only heroin the week before going to Mexico to do the ibogaine. So yes ibogaine doesn't work on people who are on suboxone currently, as they will have to switch to another shorter acting opiate first.

But all in all, even though I still have these lingering withdrawal symptoms, It feels so good to not have to wake up every morning and have to take an opiate just to get out of bed. I feel like if I can just get through a couple more weeks I can truly be free from opiate addiction and drug addiction in general forever.
 
kudos socal! That's amazing! :)

I just wanted to mention, my husband is currently on day 14 of his withdrawal from sub and he's beginning to feel a lot better. He was on 8mg for the past two years and quit cold turkey after he lost his health insurance and now has a break from work. Yesterday, he started taking passionflower extract and putting it into warm water like a "tea" three times a day. It's helped to both relax and energize him throughout the day and has elevated his mood tremendously. It wasn't expensive and might be worth looking into. Congrats, again!
 
socalgg1551 said:
Thank you everyone, ibogaine was pretty much my last resort to avoid being sick for months from sub withdrawals and it really is a miracle cure and its so sad how its still illegal in America.

Also @Xorkoth, you had absolutely no physical withdrawal symptoms after ibogaine? The doctors told me even after ibogaine, I would feel mild lingering withdrawals because of how long I was on sub for. I was dying from the constant cold sweats and goosebumps and chills after I came home from the ibogaine clinic in Mexico, and it got to the point where I had to get some clonidine which helps a lot. I'm just worried I'll become physically dependent on the clonidine. I also still have the dope sneezes (sneezing 4-5 times in a row constantly). Also the doctors told me I had to be on a shorter acting opiates for atleast a month before doing the ibogaine treatment because ibogaine doesn't work after immediately taking subs, so I was on methadone and heroin for about a month prior to the treatment and only heroin the week before going to Mexico to do the ibogaine. So yes ibogaine doesn't work on people who are on suboxone currently, as they will have to switch to another shorter acting opiate first.

But all in all, even though I still have these lingering withdrawal symptoms, It feels so good to not have to wake up every morning and have to take an opiate just to get out of bed. I feel like if I can just get through a couple more weeks I can truly be free from opiate addiction and drug addiction in general forever.
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No I didn't, but I was already almost all the way detoxed from poppy tea when I took it, I wasn't on suboxone at all. Methadone also has a super long half-life. And, we're all different. Ibogaine was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, I came out of it just glowing, I felt amazing. I will say though, it wasn't quite so simple, due to various reasons and stupid use of other drugs due to being too much on my own afterwards, on day 5 I took kratom twice and then did experience minor lingering withdrawals... I took a follow-up dose of much less than a flood dose and continued my experience, and after that it all came together and I did feel a bit of lingering withdrawal, but I was in a great mindset regardless, it honestly barely bothered me. And given that until day 5 I felt absolutely no lingering opiate stuff, I can reasonably say that had I not messed up I wouldn't have felt any. But who knows really. The point is it worked. :)
 
@Reba - Congrats for your husband. Not being a slave to heroin or any opiate is amazing.

It really feels like my brain has been reset to before I even did any drugs. Ibogaine really is an amazing drug. I even started playing the acoustic guitar and other old hobbies and am actually excited to go back to school to finish my degree, which is def. a first for me. Suboxone is something I feel people should not be on for more than 6 months and its too bad not enough doctors are educated enough about this. Again thank you everyone for the words of support and encouragement, it really helps at times like these when your going through PAWS
 
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