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i just want all the highs in life. advice?

H

harrisl84201

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 6, 2010
Messages
5
Location
south carolina
i have been a poly drug user for 8 years. i have dealt with a drug addiction to opiates but i have always searched for the highs in drugs, and really life in general. i dont use because im stressed or have any problems but instead to enhance any current day just well i dont know why just because. for example, at work and school i want amp and meth when im home and relaxing i like weed at the bar i like to drink and i love opiates for anything.. however i will do whatever at anytime as long as i can function on the drug and do not have any responsibilities that will get in the way for that time period. hence i do not drink at work but use amp instead because i am a professional or opiates and red bull (3rd shift) no drugs actually alter my life decisions. i still pay my bills and clean my house and go shopping and will actually work harder so that when bills are paid i can go get something, whatever available. if i dont have money i dont use. if things are more important then i can make myself chose the right decision. i have learned how to overcome my brain tricks. i turn my thoughts around. if i want something and cant get it i just say well damn that would be great to have something now but i just cant do it there was a time i had a physical addiction and that was the worst but i believe i stopped thinking about what i was doing and now use different things randomly. because see i can also have life sober too. i dont need anything to function. i believe if im not physically withdrawling or having serious anxiety from roxy withrawl..im good. i was clean for awhile i have spent months here and there without anything. i always go back. and not for any particular reason. the times i quit usually cause of drug tests for a job or school.and everytime i use i know i will have whatever withdrawl comes along with it and it never stops me. i know im kiling myself. im in the medical field. i know the affects of meth and smoking ciggs and abuse of opiates or alcohol i know the idea of addiction as a disease i have lost loved ones too overdosing but...i believe im very strong minded i really study and research so much and have just found this website and love... but even on my happiest times in my life when i had everything i wanted i still would like to use a drug to make it better. and when doctors say that you see a trigger a light bulb goes off in your head, yes thats true too but im saying can you control the desire to go to the light, if needed?, and i believe i was born with this light bulb correlation to drugs but thats what your brain does it likes to be stimulated. i desire to read an amazing book just as much as a drug. i didnt lose my love of life and other hobbies. i still read and watch tv and shop and draw things and go out and see people i know. i also have friends that are not on drugs. i like to add and combine to make the best experience possible. i mean you only live once and it could be the fear of not getting the most out of it that drives me? maybe just the hunger for another level? to life enhancement? mood enhancement? ..........i believe that everything is usually ok in moderation. i just dont know if that means if its OK, can i roll a bowl every couple of weeks or snort a roxy occasionally..? i think the users try to justify who they are. and maybe this is who we are supposed to be? some people love football. love it. would rather incorporate watching a football game of there favorite team with every thing they do...well you know what my brain tells me i would like to go shopping on a few perks, then smoke a blunt and go to dinner with friends, go out dancing have a few drinks and laughs. maybe meet some people. at the end of the day. something made me this way and you this way... its the same as prefering chocolate to vanilla. high or sober? if not.....i have no idea.
 
There's no need for you to convince anybody that your drug use isn't a problem, it's your decision to make. You say that you are able to function fine and take care of all your responsibilities - that's very good, drug use can often make other things seem less important and allow them to fall away.

You are well aware of the risks involved, as you said. I'm just not quite sure what you are trying to say in your post. Do you want us to agree that you are fine? Do you want us to convince you that you have a problem?

I would just look at the reasons why you don't like to be sober. Being functional in society, and having peace of mind, are two completely separate things. Maybe if you dig a bit and examine how you feel from day to day you will find some of the answers you are looking for.
 
harrisl84201 said:
i have learned how to overcome my brain tricks.
Click to expand...
There are usually ime some brain tricks going on in our lives that we are unaware of. At least for me and the humans I've encountered and gotten to know. The conquered brain tricks aren't the one's that are the real sources of grief a lot of the time.
 
I want all the highs in life too, I'd suggest starting with paragraphs, then we might be able to help you.

I'd have to take a couple Adderalls to get through that wall of type, break it up a bit, you'll get more responses.
 
this was originally a reply to a thread began by lozgod, and i wanted to see if anyone had any thoughts, perhaps feeling the same way as i do ... rereading i think i was trying to focus on the point lozgod makes that at the end of the day, we still choose the high.
 
A sensible hedonism that minimizes risks to our well being is something that many Bluelighters aspire to. A problem is that some highs lead us with a repetition compulsion with the highsgetting less and less rewarding.

harrisl84201 said:
but even on my happiest times in my life when i had everything i wanted i still would like to use a drug to make it better.
Click to expand...
That is probably a crucial thing. The ability to feel satiation with situations that are clearly good enough. I experience the push to enhance every situation with some more or some different. It is not an inherently bad drive but like a lot of other drives it is one I've got to keep in check.
 
tl;dr
just keep going man

friends,family,religion these are the three dragons you must slay in order to acheive your goal
 
In Nature, there are waves, and you cannot have the peak of the wave without the dip, otherwise it would be a straight line.

How would you know that you were at a high point without having a low point to compare it to ?

How would you know what being happy was without sadness as a comparison ?

Ups and downs, ins and outs, that's the way the universe works, it's called the range of experiences, and you cannot avoid them, if you attempt to maintain a permanent high then you will eventually fail and hit a down period, it's unavoidable.

try listening to or reading some alan watts, youtube is full of his stuff.
 
Ive been meaning to post this for a few days. Not trying to be rude but you are a drug addict. Just bc you dont have a doc doesnt mean your not addicted. If you do not stop having your type of fun then you will eventually start to lose everything you have. Normal people dont need drugs or alcohol to have fun at all. You and I and most on here are not one of these folks.

I would suggest getting help rather quickly before your life spirals out of control......
 
speak for yourself^

some of us are just not ignorant people who are curious to try things and experience new things.
 
My only concern is that it's soooo easy to cross the line into addiction and self deception without even knowing it. I'm all for using drugs responsibly at the appropriate times, I used how you described for a long time before things got a bit out of hand. Besides, you can pay all your bills and maintain a life while a drug addict but there is a price that you pay that you don't realize until you've hit a certain point, I don't think you've hit this point yet.

However I wish you the best of luck. The other problem is that the amount of effort it sometimes takes to achieve this balance is possibly not worth it in the long run. In the short term, by all means experiment, that's what life is about. Find what works for you.
 
you cant have the highs without the lows man. thats just how it works. its up to you to decide for yourself if the highs are worth the lows.
 
thanks for all the input everyone.... i really i was twacked .... and i have done so much research it still doesnt help much, sometimes i can say no to drugs and sometimes i cant. i dont know what made me this way... but i guess you gotta learn to live with who you are...
 
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