• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I Just Need To Post Vs. Lend me your eyes and ears, your wisdom and beauty.

Status
Not open for further replies.
^

If you want to claim 'weirdo' status you'll need to do much better than that;)
 
@HdoubleODeezy - Too someone from Jersey (like me) it could also be read as Deezy being an extended version of "Deez" or "D's", "D/D's" referring to heroin again as that's a common slang in Jersey. It goes from dope, to diesel, to d-block, to just strait "D's/Deez" depending on the neighborhood you cop in haha.
 
^lol i guess my name means a lot of things.. this is really fun.


on another note, im in wds again. dr made me get rid of kratom in order for him to keep giving me gabapentin, which had been making me feeling ok even when skipping kratom dosing. and with my luck, tolerance the the pentin kicked in yesterday and it does nothing for me anymore.. kinda upset and dont know what to do... stay clean? i been "clean" so long besides using kratom in the morning before my coffee and before bed for only the past couple months, fuck it, i beat it before ill beat it again.
 
Case: Glad that it's all workin out! That sounds like a cool set up...I'm surprised she's not charging for all that. Folks on air bnb charge for spots that are a whole lot more bare bones!
 
^ I am working on finding meaning and purpose in my life.

I didn't drink all day long today but I am having restless legs and panic still so I am going to buy some coca cola and finish off what I have (not much) and I'll try again for a day without alcohol tomorrow.

I am in a little pain still. I probably will be for a while.
 
All at mo, has lost its spark,
Everything has gone so dark
Everytime seems so lame,
Because nothing is the same,

Everything that once seemed so light,
Now feels like daggers are coming, creatures are ready to bite,
Of all this bad, please no more,
Why can't I leave the bad at the door,

People seem to move on
Our time, won't be long......

Won't be able to write no more too tired....
 
Zwanya said:
Case: Glad that it's all workin out! That sounds like a cool set up...I'm surprised she's not charging for all that. Folks on air bnb charge for spots that are a whole lot more bare bones!
Click to expand...

She's charging money, Just not a ton. I jumped the gun by posting and saying it was a sure thing, I didn't realize that it's not officially booked until the person approves it and I got declined because the person she already has staying there decided to extend their stay by 10 days. She said she would be glad to have me after that, however, so I may still end up needing to rent the spot in a couple weeks. For now I'll be saying at some friends apartment.


The spot I'm saying at isn't perfect though. It's an apartment with three guys, all of them previous residents of the sober house I was at. Two of them are good friends of mine and doing really well with recovery, the third - not so much. They just found out that he's been smoking crack (in the apartment) for at least a week, and we suspect he may also be using heroin. Going to confront him with a drug test tonight.

______


Edit: My future landlord emailed me, now it's looking like I may be able to move in on the 15th as originally planned after all! :)

So I won't get my hopes up too high again but assuming nothing else happens I only have to couch surf for one week. :)
 
Last edited:
HdoubleODeezy said:
^lol i guess my name means a lot of things.. this is really fun.


on another note, im in wds again. dr made me get rid of kratom in order for him to keep giving me gabapentin, which had been making me feeling ok even when skipping kratom dosing. and with my luck, tolerance the the pentin kicked in yesterday and it does nothing for me anymore.. kinda upset and dont know what to do... stay clean? i been "clean" so long besides using kratom in the morning before my coffee and before bed for only the past couple months, fuck it, i beat it before ill beat it again.
Click to expand...

You doing okay? <3
 
ad lib said:
You doing okay? <3
Click to expand...

Yeah, i suppose.. had to take all three doses stacked within 2 hours and that lasted half the day.. now im just sitting here trying to keep my mind busy and off the fact i feel like shit, I did have a few beers tho :( .. i donno if "clean" is for me, i really dont know what it is. Been on shit for more than half my life, forgot how to handle sober life. Wish i never touched opiates. That's a mistake i will need to live with the rest of my life, really donno how to beat it again.. i dont think i have it in me (the stength to do it i mean) it took so much outta me last time.

Guess time will tell.
Thanks for asking tho.
 
Kratom still has dependance and withdrawal hdoubleODeezy. It's probably for the best. Have you tried upping the dose of gaba?
 
caseface99 said:
Kratom still has dependance and withdrawal hdoubleODeezy. It's probably for the best. Have you tried upping the dose of gaba?
Click to expand...


Dr wouldn't let me up it, so i took it into my own hands and did it myself.. problem is, i will run out early now :\

And it was only kratom recently, before my psychotic state that everyone called me being "clean" i was on bupe for 2 years, before that methadone, before that H and before that OC's, hydrocodone, and the thing that started it all was codeine. ( i was 13, im 25 now.. so bout 12 years so almost half my life i been on opiates, thats not even mentioning the benzo addiction im still struggling with, was clonazepam then phenazepam now etiz.

am i even allowed to talk bout this in these threads? they may be "triggering".
 
Last edited:
HdoubleODeezy said:
Yeah, i suppose.. had to take all three doses stacked within 2 hours and that lasted half the day.. now im just sitting here trying to keep my mind busy and off the fact i feel like shit, I did have a few beers tho :( .. i donno if "clean" is for me, i really dont know what it is. Been on shit for more than half my life, forgot how to handle sober life. Wish i never touched opiates. That's a mistake i will need to live with the rest of my life, really donno how to beat it again.. i dont think i have it in me (the stength to do it i mean) it took so much outta me last time.

Guess time will tell.
Thanks for asking tho.
Click to expand...

I feel the same way you do, like being clean "isn't for me"... It seems like I need substances just to get through everything. Withdrawal sucks and PAWS fucks with you so bad. I'm only 22 years old and opiates are by far my biggest regret too. It seems like no other girls my age go through this. It's like everyone else has it so easy and I hate that feeling.

((Hugs))
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top