Venting I just hate being sober

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Soo... There I go again ready to continue the rant..
I said I won't try CT, but I did - and failed ofc, and so miserably it really shook me a bit
It got worse every time I tried - ofc... Brilliant way to mess up everything..
So I realized I'm deeper in than I thought. Cause I still can't taper Tapentadol. Like once I touch it I really want to get high, and that's increasing tolerance ofc.. pretty much a daily fail of the taper. Staying low is such a struggle... And I'm holding back a lot anyway.
It's crazy when I look back how often I was totally fu*'d up. I don't remember getting those messy highs anymore for a while now.
Also it seems like I have zero desire for doing anything other than opis or combined with Benzos. I could but my mind is pretty fixed on this only. I don't even notice that I could do something else...
Might have said that before but I think it's so difficult because it's so short acting. Boofing the IR tabs hits very fast and after 3 hours it's going out p fast too...
...

 

[pixies+]

Soo... There I go again ready to continue the rant..
I said I won't try CT, but I did - and failed ofc, and so miserably it really shook me a bit
It got worse every time I tried - ofc... Brilliant way to mess up everything..
So I realized I'm deeper in than I thought. Cause I still can't taper Tapentadol. Like once I touch it I really want to get high, and that's increasing tolerance ofc.. pretty much a daily fail of the taper. Staying low is such a struggle... And I'm holding back a lot anyway.
It's crazy when I look back how often I was totally fu*'d up. I don't remember getting those messy highs anymore for a while now.
Also it seems like I have zero desire for doing anything other than opis or combined with Benzos. I could but my mind is pretty fixed on this only. I don't even notice that I could do something else...
Might have said that before but I think it's so difficult because it's so short acting. Boofing the IR tabs hits very fast and after 3 hours it's going out p fast too...
...

Much love you beautiful human

 

[pixies+]

Soo... There I go again ready to continue the rant..
I said I won't try CT, but I did - and failed ofc, and so miserably it really shook me a bit
It got worse every time I tried - ofc... Brilliant way to mess up everything..
So I realized I'm deeper in than I thought. Cause I still can't taper Tapentadol. Like once I touch it I really want to get high, and that's increasing tolerance ofc.. pretty much a daily fail of the taper. Staying low is such a struggle... And I'm holding back a lot anyway.
It's crazy when I look back how often I was totally fu*'d up. I don't remember getting those messy highs anymore for a while now.
Also it seems like I have zero desire for doing anything other than opis or combined with Benzos. I could but my mind is pretty fixed on this only. I don't even notice that I could do something else...
Might have said that before but I think it's so difficult because it's so short acting. Boofing the IR tabs hits very fast and after 3 hours it's going out p fast too...
...

The struggle is understood.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

... Thought I might revive this for a while... I'm in a similar situation once again and I also need to rant, so...

Few days ago I had an OD scare, with an opiate I'm not used to and I miscalculated the dose (10x the intended one), boofed it and noticed a few minutes later, did the math right this time and tried to get out what I could... It was still too much and when I started to nod I used an adrenaline pen (allergy emergency kit) and stayed busy... I could hold myself together but was still terribly nauseous and threw up at home... Followed by a day without any desires ... - and no, there's no narcan accessible here. I wish it was , but well... Maybe I didn't need the adrenaline but I was scared for the whole afternoon and night. Goddamn...

 

[Them Witches]

... Thought I might revive this for a while... I'm in a similar situation once again and I also need to rant, so...

Few days ago I had an OD scare, with an opiate I'm not used to and I miscalculated the dose (10x the intended one), boofed it and noticed a few minutes later, did the math right this time and tried to get out what I could... It was still too much and when I started to nod I used an adrenaline pen (allergy emergency kit) and stayed busy... I could hold myself together but was still terribly nauseous and threw up at home... Followed by a day without any desires ... - and no, there's no narcan accessible here. I wish it was , but well... Maybe I didn't need the adrenaline but I was scared for the whole afternoon and night. Goddamn...

Have you ever had to slap your friend's face 50 times and yell in their ears?

In the US they make us have NARCAN Rx's in case we feel like that or have other interactions where we need to stop the opioid.

It is scary. Doing a breakthru dose Boofing 6mg Ativan with 90mg Roxi gets me too everytime my friend

 

[jasperkent]

Re: "I just hate being sober"

For several decades I could not imagine life without my drug of choice. During my brief periods of abstinence, I was mostly miserable.

Now that I've found serenity I cannot imagine picking up again. It sounds about as appealing as chewing up shards of glass.

 

[Jnowhere]

I remember getting free two packs of Narcan from my pharmacy years ago. I guess they took a look at me and my script list and didn't want to lose a customer.

I took morphine with oxycodone and Ativan(lorazepam). When the doctors thought you were dying years ago( decade about, right as things in prescription land got screwed over here).

They would treat you better then. Years earlier, if they thought you only had a year left and were in serious pain. They( many GP's would give you what you needed,). Now my state actually took something of the controlled list of scripts; gabapentin was a schedule 5( meaning that the FDA has given states leeway in whether a substance is scheduled( only #5).

The state gov. here reversed the schedule 5, designation almost certainly was done away with to encourage more pointless gabapentin scripts. When people have real pain that none of the 3 variants will help, yet that is what they get.

Better than The UK giving everyone antidepressants. For everything ( according to many angry Brits)

 

[Them Witches]

Re: "I just hate being sober"

For several decades I could not imagine life without my drug of choice. During my brief periods of abstinence, I was mostly miserable.

Now that I've found serenity I cannot imagine picking up again. It sounds about as appealing as chewing up shards of glass.

It has not gotten any better. With medical problems being dependent is not any fun either.

Addiction for me is really like jails institutions and death. I love the psych ward. I love being in the hospital doing their drugs despite being there for other reasons.

I have a thinking problem.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Have you ever had to slap your friend's face 50 times and yell in their ears?

No I didn't... For a lack of friends who use... I'd have been half as scared if the one around hadn't been my 4 yo ...

In the US they make us have NARCAN Rx's in case we feel like that or have other interactions where we need to stop the opioid.

It is scary. Doing a breakthru dose Boofing 6mg Ativan with 90mg Roxi gets me too everytime my friend

Mine wasn't quite that much but this is me not using daily anymore - made it this far but still can't stop completely

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Re: "I just hate being sober"

For several decades I could not imagine life without my drug of choice. During my brief periods of abstinence, I was mostly miserable.

Now that I've found serenity I cannot imagine picking up again. It sounds about as appealing as chewing up shards of glass.

This is where I need to get somehow...

 

[Them Witches]

No I didn't... For a lack of friends who use... I'd have been half as scared if the one around hadn't been my 4 yo ...

Mine wasn't quite that much but this is me not using daily anymore - made it this far but still can't stop completely

not everyone is made to stop. I made a hook up in Northern India near the Golden Triangle of China. Both are heavy poppy and organic food there. I want to move there. It is made cheap. I have Roxi and Methadone. getting in with the poppy farm is happening. All rural Northern India is where I am going. $100 a month pay all bills, rent, food, everything. stress free.

My friend Ahbi is ready to move back from the US. He has seen enough of this shithole.

 

[washingtonbound]

not everyone is made to stop. I made a hook up in Northern India near the Golden Triangle of China. Both are heavy poppy and organic food there. I want to move there. It is made cheap. I have Roxi and Methadone. getting in with the poppy farm is happening. All rural Northern India is where I am going. $100 a month pay all bills, rent, food, everything. stress free.

My friend Ahbi is ready to move back from the US. He has seen enough of this shithole.

I thought the same thing about moving to South America and living on social security, but found myself not finding it to be a utopia like I thought, many people trying to scam me, major violence and poverty in many places. Grass isn’t always greener once you’re there. Left after 10 months.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

not everyone is made to stop. I made a hook up in Northern India near the Golden Triangle of China. Both are heavy poppy and organic food there. I want to move there. It is made cheap. I have Roxi and Methadone. getting in with the poppy farm is happening. All rural Northern India is where I am going. $100 a month pay all bills, rent, food, everything. stress free.

My friend Ahbi is ready to move back from the US. He has seen enough of this shithole.

Indian food is great imo, I hope you can deal with the different mentality there, bit it certainly has its charm. Good luck with your project anyway and update if you got news!

On a different note I have been replacing/reducing the opis with K for the last weeks... Think I need a break. Back to the Tramadol...

 

[Them Witches]

I thought the same thing about moving to South America and living on social security, but found myself not finding it to be a utopia like I thought, many people trying to scam me, major violence and poverty in many places. Grass isn’t always greener once you’re there. Left after 10 months.

Your right the grass is not always greener. Most importantly where ever I go there I am.

My friend from India owns Boost mobiles in NYC, Virginia, and Cali. He wants me to build and start an automobile and welding/fabrication shop in his family's village in Northern India. It is far removed from stress, crime, etc. He wants a business for his family that serves the community.

 

[washingtonbound]

Your right the grass is not always greener. Most importantly where ever I go there I am.

My friend from India owns Boost mobiles in NYC, Virginia, and Cali. He wants me to build and start an automobile and welding/fabrication shop in his family's village in Northern India. It is far removed from stress, crime, etc. He wants a business for his family that serves the community.

Good that you have a plan for sure. Personally I didn't and just sat around collecting SSI and didn't feel much connection or desire to engage with the community. Tried teaching english online for awhile, ended up not being happy with it and came back to Florida. But if you have a connection there already and intend to run a business may have a better experience than me, but I would still spend more time there before committing to anything.

 

[Them Witches]

Indian food is great imo, I hope you can deal with the different mentality there, bit it certainly has its charm. Good luck with your project anyway and update if you got news!

On a different note I have been replacing/reducing the opis with K for the last weeks... Think I need a break. Back to the Tramadol...

This past month I have been working on getting my act together. I stopped smoking cigs and stopped taking 7-OH because I wanted to feel something extra on bad days.

I am keeping this good feeling of taking back some control in my life. It feels good to not be so damn impulsive.

I am making plans to travel to India for 3 weeks right after Dec 2025. I have a residence and a mission to build a business there for my friend.

I want to forged a path there. I want organic food and natural medicine.

 

[Them Witches]

Good that you have a plan for sure. Personally I didn't and just sat around collecting SSI and didn't feel much connection or desire to engage with the community. Tried teaching english online for awhile, ended up not being happy with it and came back to Florida. But if you have a connection there already and intend to run a business may have a better experience than me, but I would still spend more time there before committing to anything.

No doubt man. The plan is to go there for 3 weeks after Dec 2025 to stay with my friend's father, brother, and family members. We will work on building the business. It will require a good deal of planning, blueprints, designing, construction, etc. It will be more than 1 trip there.

I will be teaching them how to do class-A welding, auto-work, metal fabrication, brazing, burning, building/repair farm equipment.

 

[washingtonbound]

No doubt man. The plan is to go there for 3 weeks after Dec 2025 to stay with my friend's father, brother, and family members. We will work on building the business. It will require a good deal of planning, blueprints, designing, construction, etc. It will be more than 1 trip there.

I will be teaching them how to do class-A welding, auto-work, metal fabrication, brazing, burning, building/repair farm equipment.

I spent two weeks in Colombia and thought I'd like to live there, returned and after three months I'd had enough. I just spent ten months in Brazil and the had enough feeling was very strong when I left. It sounds like you have a good plan I'm just sharing my experience with how visiting and actually living somewhere are very different experiences. Language barrier especially can get very exhausting after a while

 

[Jnowhere]

not everyone is made to stop. I made a hook up in Northern India near the Golden Triangle of China. Both are heavy poppy and organic food there. I want to move there. It is made cheap. I have Roxi and Methadone. getting in with the poppy farm is happening. All rural Northern India is where I am going. $100 a month pay all bills, rent, food, everything. stress free.

My friend Ahbi is ready to move back from the US. He has seen enough of this shithole.

Wait till the 3rd world starts to get to him.
Shithole. You are unfamiliar with you new paradises sewage problems. Enjoy trading a shithole for an open sewer.

Literally, they just dump all( or a lot) of their sewage into rivers. But hey rent is cheap. Even cheaper if you are in close proximity to a leper colony. Sorry but I saw a documentary on leper colonies in India.( the rent part was pure conjecture but probably true).

I just love when westerners trash the west and move to a 3rd world country thinking it will be paradise. Then the realities of why they call them " developing nations", and I love the reports of the fact the foreigners who go to drug countries usually end up regretting it. After their family have paid the ransom. Then there are the corrupt cops. The weird diseases that foreigners don't have natural antibodies toward and a few shots is only going to cover the major diseases that are vaccinatable. Criminals love targeting westerners.

If your not westerners, then it depends.
But, chances are all those venomous snakes, the severe steak shortage, despite an abundance of cows. The crowding, sewage issues and other issues will have you homesick in a very short time.

There is another issue. Foreign cops do take bribes sometimes but careful you don't end up in a 3rd world prison. The cops may ignore the locals using but that may not hold true for foreigners.

 

[Them Witches]

Wait till the 3rd world starts to get to him.
Shithole. You are unfamiliar with you new paradises sewage problems. Enjoy trading a shithole for an open sewer.

Literally, they just dump all( or a lot) of their sewage into rivers. But hey rent is cheap. Even cheaper if you are in close proximity to a leper colony. Sorry but I saw a documentary on leper colonies in India.( the rent part was pure conjecture but probably true).

I just love when westerners trash the west and move to a 3rd world country thinking it will be paradise. Then the realities of why they call them " developing nations", and I love the reports of the fact the foreigners who go to drug countries usually end up regretting it. After their family have paid the ransom. Then there are the corrupt cops. The weird diseases that foreigners don't have natural antibodies toward and a few shots is only going to cover the major diseases that are vaccinatable. Criminals love targeting westerners.

If your not westerners, then it depends.
But, chances are all those venomous snakes, the severe steak shortage, despite an abundance of cows. The crowding, sewage issues and other issues will have you homesick in a very short time.

There is another issue. Foreign cops do take bribes sometimes but careful you don't end up in a 3rd world prison. The cops may ignore the locals using but that may not hold true for foreigners.

Ahh the old "shithole" word...

It's all the same to me... Mankind is unkind man.