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I just don't know anymore..

  • Thread starter Thread starter idonthaveausername
  • Start date Start date
I

idonthaveausername

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Since my grandmother's passing I just can't seem to cope with my emotions. I smoke twice as much weed a day, I forget to take my meds, I think of dying daily and often.
I'm surrounded by people I love and who love me and yet I can't seem to connect anymore. I don't want to be around people yet I feel so lonely. Such a conundrum.
I don't want to stop smoking weed because it's the only time I don't feel anxious or sad.
I know that part of those feelings are from being an addict though. I suppose I always feel a bit pathetic saying I'm "addicted" to weed, but I know my personality.
I'm scared of how far I'm going to take things.
I'm scared of letting my habits and sadness destroy all of the people around me who want to help.
I can't seem to figure out if I want them closer or further away.
 
It just sounds like you are still grieving the death of your Grandmother, and that's okay. You could be doing things that are worse than smoking weed. It is very hard to stop using substances that give us comfort when our life and emotions are in turmoil. Take a little more time to complete grieving and l am sure you will be able to give it up soon .
 
Perhaps there are two things going on at once, grief (which can last a lot longer than you expect) and also depression. Have you ever tried any type of therapy for depression? Would it be possible for you?
 
My best friend passed away in high school. Now I understand what they mean when they say "he/she will always be with you" its true, you'll never forget her or the impact she had on your life. The biggest help for me was talking to a therapist, you can get so deep with them & its okay to cry there. Its impossible to cope without that release. Try and think about how your grandmother would like to see you live, do things that would make her proud in her honor. I hope you find peace :/ someday you'll meet again.
 
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