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Advice I just don’t understand women sometimes. I love them but I don’t understand them.

moonyham said:
Thing is there are sooooo many bad looking people in this world. If you are even a tiny bit good looking, you are way ahead of the pack.
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Yeah but see, women’s looks vary so much, from time of day or from month to month or as they get older etc. so we tend to be really insecure about it. I mean, I can look either REALLY pretty or REALLY ugly. But guys look basically the same all the time and even across time; you look pretty much the same when you’re old as you did all your life (except for when you’re VERY old, I mean, but men generally age far more gracefully than women.) So it’s not as simple as “oh you look pretty so stop complaining.” The face that she shows YOU may not be the face that she always sees in the mirror, because she looks at herself when she’s tired, or sick, or right after a shower with no makeup. She sees the broken capillaries and the chicken pox scars and the acne. Age spots and wrinkles. Gray hairs and saggy skin. All those imperfections that are “ugly.”

Women put so much of their self-esteem in their looks, you know. We shouldn’t, but it’s a fact of life. I’m just trying to point out that it’s not so easy as you say.
 
Juicewrldfan said:
So, my girl asked me what I thought of her attractiveness on a 1-10 scale. We have been together for ten years. Well, I don’t know anybody at all that is their 40s that is a ten out of ten. I mean, I’m no George Clooney myself. We aren’t in our 20s anymore. I told her what I honestly thought. I gave her an 8.

I don’t really give anybody a 10 and physical attraction is just one part of attraction. There’s the personality/spiritual attraction which is so much more. Anyway, so obviously that didn’t go very well.

If I would have told her ten/ten she would have thought I was lying and been mad about that. I tell her the truth that I think she’s an 8/10 and I’m the bad guy. She went off on me screaming and shit, started crying, like WTF!

She won’t listen to reason. Why would you think you are a 10/10 and you are in your 40s and always complaining about how you hate the way you look. I try to make her feel better by telling her she’s pretty and beautiful, etc but today she wanted a number. I feel set up. If I would have lied then she would have been pissed and I tell her the truth and it’s a good number in my opinion and she’s beyond pissed. Texting me from work now and shit telling me she hates me and that she’s starving herself so she could be prettier for me. Like wtf! I didn’t ask for that. I told her she’s perfect just the way she is but doesn’t matter what I say. Telling me she’s been crying at her desk all day. Like wth is up?

I don’t get it. I’m a realist or at least I like to think so. And if I asked someone that I want the truth as long as it’s not like something ridiculously low. I just don’t get it. What’s wrong with an 8/10 especially when you are in your 40s.

Feels so dramatic. Do all women want to be lied to?

I just don’t get it. I really thought I was giving a compliment. And now home is going to be a cold place for a bit. She isn’t ever going to let this petty shit go.

I tried to fix it, but I just make it worse. I swear society has programmed a lot of women to think they need to be a skinny model with big tits and a big ass in order to have value. It’s fucked up.

Let’s be real. Geeze. I just don’t understand. What am I missing here? Am I being an asshole? I had good intentions. I really hate drama and this just feels so dramatic. Maybe I just don’t understand.
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She’s a woman mate, sometimes you just have to accept the fact they’re insane and do your best to make them feel desired/loved/heard.

You HAVE been set up. It doesn’t sound like you’re being an arsehole, but there’s clearly something underneath her asking that question. It might be that she’s just genuinely insecure, it might be that she’s a narcissist, it could be something in between. There was no right answer to her question though that much is obvious.

How often does she tell you that you’re beautiful, go out of her way to boost your self-esteem, imply that you’re a ten out of ten? I’m willing to guess never. The whole crying at her desk thing just reeks of self-centeredness to me, whether it’s true or not.
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Yeah but see, women’s looks vary so much, from time of day or from month to month or as they get older etc. so we tend to be really insecure about it. I mean, I can look either REALLY pretty or REALLY ugly. But guys look basically the same all the time and even across time; you look pretty much the same when you’re old as you did all your life (except for when you’re VERY old, I mean, but men generally age far more gracefully than women.) So it’s not as simple as “oh you look pretty so stop complaining.” The face that she shows YOU may not be the face that she always sees in the mirror, because she looks at herself when she’s tired, or sick, or right after a shower with no makeup. She sees the broken capillaries and the chicken pox scars and the acne. Age spots and wrinkles. Gray hairs and saggy skin. All those imperfections that are “ugly.”

Women put so much of their self-esteem in their looks, you know. We shouldn’t, but it’s a fact of life. I’m just trying to point out that it’s not so easy as you say.
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This is pretty close-minded, you think guys don’t have the same insecurities about their looks that women do? Of course we do, it’s just that nobody gives a shit about hearing it so we don’t say anything.

To claim we don’t look different depending on whether we’re well rested or tired, from one month to another etc is just madness. Men do generally age much better than women though that is true. I would say that is probably a primary driver behind this situation, especially given it’s an open relationship. As they get older she is finding that she is becoming less and less attractive to men and is less able to hook up with men, and is getting jealous because he is probably retaining the same degree of attractiveness to most people and his ability to hook up has not changed. In fact I would bet big on the fact this is what’s going on.
 
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THECATINTHEHAT said:
This is pretty close-minded, you think guys don’t have the same insecurities about their looks that women do? Of course we do, it’s just that nobody gives a shit about hearing it so we don’t say anything.

To claim we don’t look different depending on whether we’re well rested or tired, from one month to another etc is just madness. Men do generally age much better than women though that is true. I would say that is probably a primary driver behind this situation, especially given it’s an open relationship. As they get older she is finding that she is becoming less and less attractive to men and is less able to hook up with men, and is getting jealous because he is probably retaining the same degree of attractiveness to most people and his ability to hook up has not changed. In fact I would bet big on the fact this is what’s going on.
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That's one of the pitfalls of open relationships. It plays havoc with the couple's emotions as they age.
 
Juicewrldfan said:
You’re right on the money. I told my mom about it and she just laughed and said yeah you’re definitely in the dog house. She said always tell a woman she’s a 12, just like you said.

Apparently, it’s a not-so uncommon mistake a lot of guys make. I guess guys and women are just different, because I really would be happy with an 8. Like I don’t model on the cover of GQ magazine so obviously I’m no 10 and would think someone was feeding me bs if they told me that but hey guess women are really from Jupiter and men from mars.
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A little tip from someone who went through this exact scenario .
Compliment her
On things like her cooking or how great she is with difficult people ( or whatever is the right thing for your situation those were only examples.
Whatever you end up saying to her
Never ever never say “to me you're _______“
Just the compliment .
Never add those words "To ME"
Trust me it's the kiss of death
 
qwertygina said:
A little tip from someone who went through this exact scenario .
Compliment her
On things like her cooking or how great she is with difficult people ( or whatever is the right thing for your situation those were only examples.
Whatever you end up saying to her
Never ever never say “to me you're _______“
Just the compliment .
Never add those words "To ME"
Trust me it's the kiss of death
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My wife came into the bedroom and said, "I've lost three kilos", to which I replied, "nah, you've just misplaced them somewhere in the house". How to find out for definite if your partner loves you... 🤣
 
Juicewrldfan said:
So, my girl asked me what I thought of her attractiveness on a 1-10 scale. We have been together for ten years. Well, I don’t know anybody at all that is their 40s that is a ten out of ten. I mean, I’m no George Clooney myself. We aren’t in our 20s anymore. I told her what I honestly thought. I gave her an 8.

I don’t really give anybody a 10 and physical attraction is just one part of attraction. There’s the personality/spiritual attraction which is so much more. Anyway, so obviously that didn’t go very well.

If I would have told her ten/ten she would have thought I was lying and been mad about that. I tell her the truth that I think she’s an 8/10 and I’m the bad guy. She went off on me screaming and shit, started crying, like WTF!

She won’t listen to reason. Why would you think you are a 10/10 and you are in your 40s and always complaining about how you hate the way you look. I try to make her feel better by telling her she’s pretty and beautiful, etc but today she wanted a number. I feel set up. If I would have lied then she would have been pissed and I tell her the truth and it’s a good number in my opinion and she’s beyond pissed. Texting me from work now and shit telling me she hates me and that she’s starving herself so she could be prettier for me. Like wtf! I didn’t ask for that. I told her she’s perfect just the way she is but doesn’t matter what I say. Telling me she’s been crying at her desk all day. Like wth is up?

I don’t get it. I’m a realist or at least I like to think so. And if I asked someone that I want the truth as long as it’s not like something ridiculously low. I just don’t get it. What’s wrong with an 8/10 especially when you are in your 40s.

Feels so dramatic. Do all women want to be lied to?

I just don’t get it. I really thought I was giving a compliment. And now home is going to be a cold place for a bit. She isn’t ever going to let this petty shit go.

I tried to fix it, but I just make it worse. I swear society has programmed a lot of women to think they need to be a skinny model with big tits and a big ass in order to have value. It’s fucked up.

Let’s be real. Geeze. I just don’t understand. What am I missing here? Am I being an asshole? I had good intentions. I really hate drama and this just feels so dramatic. Maybe I just don’t understand.
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Man you fucked up. She's your girl so she's an automatic double dime. You basically told her there's a lot of females more physically attractive than her.
 
Juicewrldfan said:
So, my girl asked me what I thought of her attractiveness on a 1-10 scale. We have been together for ten years. Well, I don’t know anybody at all that is their 40s that is a ten out of ten. I mean, I’m no George Clooney myself. We aren’t in our 20s anymore. I told her what I honestly thought. I gave her an 8.

I don’t really give anybody a 10 and physical attraction is just one part of attraction. There’s the personality/spiritual attraction which is so much more. Anyway, so obviously that didn’t go very well.

If I would have told her ten/ten she would have thought I was lying and been mad about that. I tell her the truth that I think she’s an 8/10 and I’m the bad guy. She went off on me screaming and shit, started crying, like WTF!

She won’t listen to reason. Why would you think you are a 10/10 and you are in your 40s and always complaining about how you hate the way you look. I try to make her feel better by telling her she’s pretty and beautiful, etc but today she wanted a number. I feel set up. If I would have lied then she would have been pissed and I tell her the truth and it’s a good number in my opinion and she’s beyond pissed. Texting me from work now and shit telling me she hates me and that she’s starving herself so she could be prettier for me. Like wtf! I didn’t ask for that. I told her she’s perfect just the way she is but doesn’t matter what I say. Telling me she’s been crying at her desk all day. Like wth is up?

I don’t get it. I’m a realist or at least I like to think so. And if I asked someone that I want the truth as long as it’s not like something ridiculously low. I just don’t get it. What’s wrong with an 8/10 especially when you are in your 40s.

Feels so dramatic. Do all women want to be lied to?

I just don’t get it. I really thought I was giving a compliment. And now home is going to be a cold place for a bit. She isn’t ever going to let this petty shit go.

I tried to fix it, but I just make it worse. I swear society has programmed a lot of women to think they need to be a skinny model with big tits and a big ass in order to have value. It’s fucked up.

Let’s be real. Geeze. I just don’t understand. What am I missing here? Am I being an asshole? I had good intentions. I really hate drama and this just feels so dramatic. Maybe I just don’t understand.
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You were rational and honest, which is good. I would've done the same if I were you bro.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
you think guys don’t have the same insecurities about their looks that women do? Of course we do, it’s just that nobody gives a shit about hearing it so we don’t say anything.
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We are not physically the same. Women have a uterus. It causes their belly to grow and shrink as fast as men's cocks do. The whole "do I look fat" thing derives from a physical issue women deal with that men do not.

Furthermore, of course men LOVE hearing about how beautiful we are. We are just better at denying our feelings about it. Your post is a great example of this.
 
One thing I learned from Charlie Sheen. If you do or don't understand what she's saying, simply say.
I understand.
Women like to hear that from a guy.
 
Feminine qualities typically aren't looking for the logically correct answer.

Masculine qualities typically aren't looking for the emotionally correct answer.
 
Women reason with emotion.
Men reason with logic.
Is another way to say that.
 
w01fg4ng said:
We are not physically the same. Women have a uterus. It causes their belly to grow and shrink as fast as men's cocks do. The whole "do I look fat" thing derives from a physical issue women deal with that men do not.
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This is a post for r/badwomensanatomy man. 🤣 Uteruses don't randomly shrink and expand, wtf do you think that organ is, some kind of bellows??
The only time a uterus expands is when the woman is pregnant and it shrinks again after the child has been born.

What women tend to be more susceptible to in comparison to men is stomach bloating. Rather different bit of the body. Not to mention that women's bodies get scrutinised for surplus fat much more than men's, so the 'do I look fat in this' question is mostly driven by insecurity over their looks (that society very much feeds).
 
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