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i improved my confidence so what next

D

drug100

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2012
Messages
62
i haven't taken any drugs in awhile so i can and try and improve my confidence with girls while being sober. what is the next step for me to not fall in the friend zone? do i compliment the girl and ask her on a date without being nervous?
 
I still don't understand why being a little nervous about asking a girl out is treated like a crime these days. Women that are on this "confidence" trip are idiots. Here's a recent story in my life:

There was a woman that worked in a grocery store that I developed a bit of a crush on. When I actually cared about trying to date her, I used to feel a little funny and my face would blush a bit when I would talk to her. She had a man in prison though, and wasn't gonna give him up.

Later, I met another girl who liked me, and was totally hot in a much more non-trailer park sophisticated way, definitely more my type, but she wasn't single either :(, but I still have a crush on this new girl. Now that I got a crush on this wonderful, sophisticated, and truly beautiful girl, whenever I see the old crush, I can talk to her without the slightest bit of nervousness or anything. I probably appear "super confident" in front of her now, but the lesson, ladies, is don't mistake apathy for confidence!

As for you OP, there is no magical formula. Just try to be calm enough to be able to speak clearly and look at her. As long as your nerves don't get in the way of communication, don't worry about how you feel about it.

Young women, don't be so hard on young men who get nervous about going out with you. Ladies, if a man gets nervous being around you, it probably means that he thinks you are "all that."

I don't know how you really get control of these feelings. I'm wreckless enough to fight someone like UFC's Brock Lesner without getting very nervous about it, but beautiful women drop me to my knees and tear my soul out! Just cause a man gets nervous when first meeting you and trying to date you doesn't mean he's some piece of shit.
 
MyFinalRest said:
As for you OP, there is no magical formula. Just try to be calm enough to be able to speak clearly and look at her. As long as your nerves don't get in the way of communication, don't worry about how you feel about it.

Young women, don't be so hard on young men who get nervous about going out with you. Ladies, if a man gets nervous being around you, it probably means that he thinks you are "all that."
Click to expand...

Wow what kinda women do you go for that are hard on shy guys?? you're right though with all that adice, even if it has an extreme slant on it - most women do like a guy with mad amounts of confidence, but as long as you got the confidence to string your words together intelligibly enough to actually ask her out, if she's vaguely attracted to you, it shouldn't matter if you're a bit shy about it - I know loads of girls who think that's a bit cute and endearing.
 
^in some of my personal experiences some women can be that bad. I've been to your "Imperial England" and social relations seemed much easier there than in suburban America. It's all TV and media here that gets women to be into this phony thing called "confidence" i.e. 'how you feel about yourself,' which has nothing to do with any real ability or what kind of person you really are.

Don't get me wrong, lots of women aren't like that, but more of them are getting worse about it everyday. They're writing these young men off too soon and aren't "reading" men correctly when first meeting them. And, all this talk about "confidence" causes many young men to question themselves endlessly about it and then, it leads to a destructive cycle of more youth anxiety.

And, I'm not really a very shy person at all, just that women that I find attractive get me excitable and its tough to play it off like you don't give a fuck i.e "looking cool." Really most girls are completely fine with that, but our media culture glorifies these types of guys that are like 6'5", chiseled abs, way too well groomed, and strutting around like they are the only person that exists in the world who has been with so many chicks he couldn't possibly ever give a damn about one of them.
 
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make your intentions clear and ignore the fear, because it's just uncertainty wearing a different mask. true confidence is knowing without uncertainty. confidence, as popular culture defines it, is simply ignoring the element of uncertainty (which manifests as fear). imho.
 
MyFinalRest said:
I still don't understand why being a little nervous about asking a girl out is treated like a crime these days. Women that are on this "confidence" trip are idiots. Here's a recent story in my life:

There was a woman that worked in a grocery store that I developed a bit of a crush on. When I actually cared about trying to date her, I used to feel a little funny and my face would blush a bit when I would talk to her. She had a man in prison though, and wasn't gonna give him up.

Later, I met another girl who liked me, and was totally hot in a much more non-trailer park sophisticated way, definitely more my type, but she wasn't single either :(, but I still have a crush on this new girl. Now that I got a crush on this wonderful, sophisticated, and truly beautiful girl, whenever I see the old crush, I can talk to her without the slightest bit of nervousness or anything. I probably appear "super confident" in front of her now, but the lesson, ladies, is don't mistake apathy for confidence!
Click to expand...

Very astute observation and I completely agree, but asking women to put confidence in some sort of meaningful context is about as useful as banging your head against a wall. Confidence is like crack to them. They don't care if you've turned gay, they just want a piece of whatever is making you cocksure.
 
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