yo, i havent had sex in almost 5 years. this shit is driving me crazy...wtf can i do? i'm ready to seriously murder someone. the thing is, i'm sick of lusting over porn, going gaga over some chick with a thick ass. i just want to meet someone cool, and i feel the more i'm myself, the more people get scared away. so like i find myself like putting on a front, and i hate it. i just dont know what else to dooo...i've been fucking rejected so much in the past im sick of it...i used to be king of my school, fast car, tons of hoes..now i can't even get guys to look at me! (seriously!) i aint gay but, god damn, nobody pays attention to me. i'm sick of getting the cold shoulder from women...
i seriously want to fucking rape someone. my sister gets TONS of ass!! my parents get ass (obviously) my friends are all in relationships...i have one friend who has been by my side as far as loneliness and misery goes..but we used to be the kings of high school. now i'm a huge fucking loser. alot of it is i don't smoke weed anymore, and i used to like base that on my coolness...and now that i can't smoke anymore, i feel weak and lame. (while all my friends are like yeah i smoke weed all day) like it's something to brag about...but it is..smoking weed is cool. but i freak out when i do it. i don't freak out but i get paranoid and really hyper. i'm on seroquel now and all these crazy schizo meds..it's killed and ruined my confidence and swagger. i feel heldback by my diagnosis.. (schizophrenia) once i started freaking out, (the onset of it) my girlfriend left me..she didn't stay by my side...and it really sucks..i miss getting ass, i miss just being cool. i can't even do anything anymore, i just live in my own world pretty much. i see my old friends every now and then but alot of them don't even/won't even talk to me. don't get me wrong alot of my friends have turned around and apologized..but i find myself like, calling them and hanging up or prank calling them and screaming at them..cuz i'm so pissed. i fell in love with her hard, it almost felt like i was on ecstacy for 3 years...sometimes i feel like i still hear voices like she's still there, caring for me...i'm just in my own world with her..but she's gone..
i want to go back to partying and being with my friends...u know, being a boss...but now i'm just a super sensitive loser..i will probably end up comitting suicide...already tried but it didnt work. i did lots of LSD, mushrooms, ecstacy, alcohol...i had the time of my life for like 5 years...then when i met her it all seemed to go downhill as far as my self esteem...i know theres no going back and it sucks. sometimes i have ecstacy flashbacks where i really start rolling again, and feeling inlove and just...really euphoric. i'm wondering if the ecstacy didn't change my brain chemistry to where i get high on love and not weed anymore...no seriously! but anyways, will anyone have sex with me??
i seriously want to fucking rape someone. my sister gets TONS of ass!! my parents get ass (obviously) my friends are all in relationships...i have one friend who has been by my side as far as loneliness and misery goes..but we used to be the kings of high school. now i'm a huge fucking loser. alot of it is i don't smoke weed anymore, and i used to like base that on my coolness...and now that i can't smoke anymore, i feel weak and lame. (while all my friends are like yeah i smoke weed all day) like it's something to brag about...but it is..smoking weed is cool. but i freak out when i do it. i don't freak out but i get paranoid and really hyper. i'm on seroquel now and all these crazy schizo meds..it's killed and ruined my confidence and swagger. i feel heldback by my diagnosis.. (schizophrenia) once i started freaking out, (the onset of it) my girlfriend left me..she didn't stay by my side...and it really sucks..i miss getting ass, i miss just being cool. i can't even do anything anymore, i just live in my own world pretty much. i see my old friends every now and then but alot of them don't even/won't even talk to me. don't get me wrong alot of my friends have turned around and apologized..but i find myself like, calling them and hanging up or prank calling them and screaming at them..cuz i'm so pissed. i fell in love with her hard, it almost felt like i was on ecstacy for 3 years...sometimes i feel like i still hear voices like she's still there, caring for me...i'm just in my own world with her..but she's gone..
i want to go back to partying and being with my friends...u know, being a boss...but now i'm just a super sensitive loser..i will probably end up comitting suicide...already tried but it didnt work. i did lots of LSD, mushrooms, ecstacy, alcohol...i had the time of my life for like 5 years...then when i met her it all seemed to go downhill as far as my self esteem...i know theres no going back and it sucks. sometimes i have ecstacy flashbacks where i really start rolling again, and feeling inlove and just...really euphoric. i'm wondering if the ecstacy didn't change my brain chemistry to where i get high on love and not weed anymore...no seriously! but anyways, will anyone have sex with me??
