I have no friends since getting clean... what to do?

[pallidamors]

Im not trying to say most people are fucked most of the time. But whatever, if you find strait people more interesting, good for you! I find them stuck up and stressed out personally, with a 'im better than you because i dont smoke/drink' attitude.

What I'm saying is that people who are fucked up most of the time are fairly predictable, and thus boring. Also, OP is looking for people who dont drink/use drugs, so I don't see how anything you have said up until now has been pertinent in the least.

 

[thujone]

^indeed.

mehm might be onto something with the yoga. i haven't tried it myself but it is pretty well known for advocating clean body.

another option is tai chi or some more competetive martial arts. i know for a fact that the guys at my local dojo don't have more than 2 drinks in a week, and that's IF they go partying on friday night.

at university you'll be surrounded by people so you'll find sober people if you look carefully enough. maybe some club that meets on friday nights heh

 

[doppelganga196]

I can empathize with you.

I have plenty of friends, only a handful of good friends mind you, but i have trouble finding people to hang out with that don't drink. In college i had a bad time trying to get close with this sweet girl debbie who had never even seen a drug & likely drink too. She liked me but was repelled when i mentioned i had tried cocaine & l.s.d etc... I wound up with a girl who was a worse influence on me than i was on her.

I'm trying soooo hard not to drink but this actually HINDERS my social life so i often will drink against my will so i can see my friends. Also not drinking just would be out of the question when going out with alot of my friends, they'd think i was ill or depressed or somthing. Its hard enough saying NO THANKS when mdma, cocaine etc are inn your face.

I've had trouble putting this into words somhow! I'll check back soon to see how you're doin eoj!

 

[enoughorangejuice?]

thanks a lot for all the responses...

i could see being around alcohol becoming a problem for me. i would get an uncomfortable feeling being the only one NOT drinking and it might lead me to have one drink which would lead to two then to three, etc. after 3 i might start making bad choices. i never had a problem with alcohol because i never found being drunk that interesting or fun but i still don't want to risk it. i found mixing diphenhydramine, cocaine, heroin/morphine/oxy, valium, marijuana, and of course ambien/sonata together to be interesting. but to each his own, right?

anyway i just don't want to hang around people who have to drink alcohol in order to be sociable, i understand that a lot of people enjoy having a beer with friends but i'm sure they're are people in the world who DON'T do that other than recovering alcoholics/hard drug addicts.

i agree with the post that said people who go to bars/clubs and drink are predictable because it's true. that's why i never hung out with those types of people before, during or after my poly-substance addictions. doing MDMA, LSD, mushrooms or speedballing is what i found interesting .

so all that aside...

two positive things happened to me totally out of no where.

first a BEAUTIFUL girl who works at my job during the summer when she's home from school started flirting with me and texting me like crazy so we hung out and really hit it off. she's religious (i'm not at all) and doesn't drink or do any drugs and never has. i could care less we have opposing views on religion, but what is great is she doesn't drink or use. she's absolutely stunning and i guess i never realized because i was so strung out at work last summer and because she probably never gave me a second look since last summer i was a 6 foot tall 120lb pale heroin ghoul.

so thats good. and then a few nights ago a gorgeous spanish girl i was friends with in college text me and asked me to hang out. made me feel great. i turned her down because i found out she had a few beers in her but she said that's not what made her text me and the next day she continued to talk to me even while she was sober and at work, but i think i'm going to focus on the other girl since i did hang out with her and stuff.

it's raining bitches.

and the GREAT news....

i'll be clean for 1 year august 1st, 2010.
no alcohol,
no marijuana or marinol (yes i was Rx'd marinol in addition to everything else)
no benzos,
no sleeping pills,
no cocaine,
no amphetamines,
no hallucinogenics,
no muscle relaxants,
no opiates

and

since may 24th 2010 no cigarettes!

woohoo..:D

 

[hobhead]

Man you have alot on your plate between work, school and keeping your sober on .
There are really no logical reasons to take intoxicants if they do not suit your style .
My life has never, ever suffered in quality during the decades that I was shut of intoxicating shit .

In my opinion you are leaving your ass hanging out by sniffing around the religious girl . That sort of divide does quite often lead to a collision of values that are insurmountable .
Better a girl that has a few now and again than a tee totaling fundie chick - especially with your track record .

Do what ya wanna but if she smacks you inna dick with her holy holy book - I told you so !!!

 

[rollingstoned!]

I'd have to agree with hobhead with everything he said, although there is the possibility that you could break up with her if you go ahead and things don't work out.

Props for staying clean too!

 

[pyr3x]

I'm having this same problem..

STAY POSITIVE

i guess i found i was down on myself and wasn't the funnest person to be around.

also, keep in mind that one true friend is better to have than 100 fake friends that will only be there as long as the powder on the plate lasts... i think in life we're supposed to have FAMILY and friends aren't too important. at least that's what my parents have taught me. but since i don't have plans for a family, I have to kinda just wait it out till I find someone to share my life with.


I spend a lot of time figuring out what my interests are and OCCASIONALLY i get to go out and spend time with someone. the weekly dubstep event at the bar is what i look forward too most of the time.

 

[hydrochron]

I just got clean to, I also did pretty much the same stuff you did. Just quit benzodiazapines. Grats on one year!!

Your going back to school you said? That's where you'll meet all your friends. Also what's up with your colleagues at work? Just keep going to school full time and tons of doors will open for you.

 

[Wizzle]

People that say folks who don't drink/do drugs are boring usually say so because for them being high is the only time they're really having fun. I used to be like this, I'm happy those times are over.

I do find it hard to believe you don't mind not having a social life. It's something almost everyone looks after, those that don't are usually in denial, high or have some kind of mental disorder (autism spectrum disorders come to mind).

I have the same problem dude, it's not that I don't have any friends but I have a lot of friends I don't even like that much, who I'll hang out with anyway because I'm bored/lonely. Looking for new friends is hard especially when you've just made a huge change in your life by getting clean. The advise given here about sports and volunteer work are sound.. Try it! (and so should I)

edit: congrats with the girl, tell us how it's working out!

 

[eitak012]

I know this may sound silly but if you have a facebook, start looking up groups from your area about healthy, clean living. You might find people that way...at least someone to talk to even if you can't meet up and hang out?

 

[lowlow345]

This is my problem right now too, everybody i hung out with was either an addict or an alcoholic of some sort. (except one and she lives a million miles away). Its really hard to find normal, interesting people to chill with that DONT do any drugs. Most of the people I do meet that arnt into drugs, i would never hang out with them outside of school or work, and as much as i dont want to sound like a bitch, the reason for that is because they are BORING. this is going to be a serious problem for me if i want to quit with the drugs because i have no self-control whatsoever. and im not sure i even want to quit, but i have to, im on probation and thats the only option for me unless i want to go back to jail. it is very frustrating.

 

[User Name Here]

It was really hard for me to find sober people after I cleaned up as all of my "friends" were drug-users. I even steer clear of occasional users these days. I've found that the best way to meet people has been through school, various hobbies (talking to people in the water while surfing for example), etc. Once I met a few clean people it was easy from there as many of them stick to folks who have their lives together and are in school, have careers, have young families, etc.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing so well and you are happy. Don't fret over finding friends if you're not personally all that concerned with it but do attempt to make some here and there on occasion. Having a network of like-minded people is extremely nice.

 

[the red shark]

I completely agree with you about not liking to go to the bar to drink, cos I have always found drunk people exceptionally annoying to hang out with. I am not clean by any means I still take a shitload of benzos but off opiates (except codeine) and meth with was my DOC. Fortunately my friends stopped taking meth about the same time as me which has made things easier but we don't hang out like we used to and we all feel all we do is work and its depressing cos we used to have so much fun, even if we were high. It is challenging to meet people who don't drink cos I work in a bar for starters and most people drink socially. My problem is once i've had a cpl of drinks I want other drugs so I try to stay away and the fact I don't drink has been noticed and I am perceived as "soft" by colleagues but I don't enjoy drinking and if that makes me boring so be the case. I'm not looking for new friends, just trying to focus on getting my study routine back and work life back on track. I'm a lot more anti-social without drugs, I do have social anxiety and probably am quite boring. Not very helpful but I know what you mean. Especially such a long period of use, you lose touch with those who dont use, and when you come back to reality they have moved on...

 

[Lost Ego]

Has anyone else had problems with coming back to life after a multi-year serious poly-drug addiction to realize they have no friends at all?

hey op. i didnt read anything really except for ur first post. i think i could say im in the same position as you... im 4 months sober. right after i got sober all of the people i thought were my friends began betraying me and shit. i now have 1 friend and its a girl... whom i love and want to fuck but she has a bf and being around her always just makes me depressed; we hang out like once or twice a month. i feel like im no longer who i was and i feel like i dont even have a personality anymore and i cant figure out who i am. im finding it hard to make any new friends when i've become so anti-social. i didnt go through na/aa either, except for an outpatient program for a week but i didnt like it. i had to drop out of high school because of grades, but )) i am going to a junior college, starting on the 28th (assuming i get into any of these classes that im stuck on the waitlist in) and maybe i cant meet some people there. im also searching for a job and dealing with the struggle of finding out that im bi. i also cant figure out who i amim getting no support from my parents and im bored all the time. i've had a couple of opportunities to get a go on dates, possibly acquire a gf, but what kind of girl would wanna date a guy with 0 friends (they wanna be introduced to the friends and shown off) and because im so lonely i'd prolly be hella clingy/co-dependent or something...

anywho you seem to have alot in common with me. maybe if u live close we could be friends lol... jk o.o... i just started taking kung fu and maybe ill meet some people there... anywho im tired and the computer is giving me a headache.