I have no friends, no boyfriend and no prospect of finding either...

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I don't know if this is SLR or DS but I think more DS...

For anyone who hasn't read my posts I started stripping about five and a half months ago after I was laid off from my job and kicked out of my parents house (after they caught me using for the millionth time).

I really like my job and I am making insanely good money at the moment (averaging about $3,000 a week). I don't envision myself doing it forever obviously but until I finish school and decide what I want to do, or find a coaching position at the same level I was at before I'm happy doing what I'm doing.

I have no moral qualms with what I do but I don't want to subject myself to being judged by the rest of the world and being labeled a whore or a prostitute or assumed to be some manipulative hopeless junkie, or to have to deal with guys assuming "well she's a stripper, she'll sleep with anybody." So I feel like I am constantly hiding who I am from the world during the day, which if I was working some boring job that didn't affect me very much I would't really care about....but this job is such a huge part of my life and so emmotionally tolling (good and bad) by lying and telling someone I'm a waitress or a hotel clerk I feel like I'm leaving out a huge part of my life and who I am.

The fact that I have such bizare hours (I work from 8pm-4am on the weekends and until 2 am on the weekdays, I sleep from 5 or 7 am to 3 pm) and on all the nights people go out has made me completely dissconnected from my old friends (and the fact that I know some of them won't approve of me stripping) and the ones I had have basically forgotten about me and I feel like they're in another world. My family won't speak to me and I honestly have no desire to work on building a relationship with any of them. And with my mother on a rampage to make sure everyone thinks I'm a completely hopeless whoring drug addict it's pretty impossible anyway....

I haven't made any new friends because the only people I meet are dancers (and every one I've become close to has either been way too fucked up on drugs for me to handle, a total mess, or insanely manipulative and backstabbing) customers (who always seem to have somethig wrong with them, are assholes or just expect sex) and other staff members (who are just as bad if not worse than the customers).

I am honestly the loneliest I have ever been in my life. I have one customer-- who is basically the only person I would consider a friend and someone I get support from, I love this man-- who comes in once a week and I make between 2,000 and 2,500 from... I could easily live off just his visits but I go in to work five nights a week because I have nothing else to do and would rather be at the club than sitting alone in my apartment thinking about how miserable I am. I don't want to give up my job but my life feels so EMPTY all the time I feel like I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't go back to school until next semester and so I feel like I'm not stimulated in any way or that my life has direction at this moment, and I have no meaningfull relationships in my life besides the one with this customer (who is married and totally unavailable). I'm good friends with everyone that I work with but it seems like they all live the same way that I do and it just doesn't bother them.

This is a fucking long post but I really don't know what to do, this week has been the worst and I am getting more and more depressed and lonely every week, I can't take this shit anymore.

 

[nervousone]

You are making 3k a week, why not take a couple nights off a week and go out to a club or something an try to meet someone? Why don't you start talking to people at school? I don't think your situation is quite as bad as you are making it out to be...you have plenty of prospect to go out and meet people...you just have to go out and do it.

Best of luck

 

[Tomer]

I feel what you're going through...but you are in school as Nervousone mentioned...great place to meet people. You are also a dancer, so you obviously are a good looking woman. You might think it's hard to meet the right guy because of how he perceives your stripping life, but if you let other aspects of your personality shine through, I don't see an issue with it.

There are obviously a lot of social stigmas with stripping, but you can always explain to someone its only temporary. It's not a job that defines you, it's just something to pay the bills. I am sure you are a multi-faceted person, so let the other things shine through. Good luck...

Tomer

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

^I'm not in school right now, I had to take the semester off because my life was way too much of as mess at the beginning of the semester to be in school... I didn't have a place to live and my financials weren't steady at all. My plan is to go back in January but I don't know if that's even happenig for sure.

 

[paranoid android]

Well i would have no problem with dating a stripper and i certainly wouldnt label you as a whore for being a stripper. Ive known more then a few who have put themselves through college that way. Though sadly alot of close minded people don't get the fact that it's just a fucking job.

Id say take a couple of days off a week and just go clubbing or go anywhere to meet people. You are bound to meet atleast some people who arent just closed minded assholes. I think it's worth a shot atleast.

I have no friends in my area either and it's a real fucking drag. All my old friends are completely fucked on crack, in prison, moved away or dead.

 

[skoat]

As mentioned earlier, it's just a job. I'm sure theres a lot more to you than how you make your money.

Go back to school is my advice, I'm sure you'll be able to meet some people that will accept you for the real you.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

The problem is that I don't know how to meet people... I am a very shy person and have some social phobias... I could never go to a club by myself or anything along those lines and I honestly have no one to go with at this point. I've always made friends through gymnastics, school or work and now I don't have any of those as options.

I don't know, it's hard to describe how dissconnected I feel from the rest of the world, having these vampire hours and working a job I feel like I have to hide.

 

[Dark Horse]

From the description of the way your life is right now Mia, you're not happy.

I'm wondering whether you have any current drug issues - anything you think is affecting you. You mentioned that five months ago your parents 'caught me using' for the millionth time. Using what ? Anything that might play a part in depression ?

A job can be a means to an end. If the money is good, and that money is part of a plan that gets you out of there and into something you want, then you have something to work on.

Bringing some balance into your life right now is something different. You have to decide what balance is for you...what's missing, how to get it, etc. There are many popular images of strippers who worked hard, put away cash and moved on. That means there are probably role models - find them. If you are now surrounded by people you would not choose to make a part of your social life...better get yourself in place where you will meet people you'd rather know. If you're hoping to get rescued (wouldn't that be sweet ?)....it could take a while.

Keep you chin up.

 

[nervousone]

How is stripping dancing with the devil? Stripping is damn good money for minimal work...

 

[Roger&Me]

^Perhaps thats exactly the reason why its so bad?

The work may be minimal, but it demands that you live a certain type of lifestyle that alienates you from other people. That can't be worth the money, really. There's always a catch, you never get somethin' for nothin'...

 

[Draigan]

damn mia I am sorry. I would totally invite you to come chill with me and my motley crew. We very motley

I think you should travel. People just come up to you when you travel. You got plenty of money!!! Do it up girl!! Come visit me lol

If all you ever invest in is material stuff, all you gonna get back is material stuff. I try to focus on good people over good stuff.

 

[Sentience]

Hello Mia.

I live in Santa Cruz California, which isnt that far from you. I would never judge someone for being a stripper. I even dated a stripper for a while and it wasnt really an issue. If she was a full service escort I might have felt less comfortable with that, but stripping I can handle.

Sometimes I go to the city when I get invited to parties and music events. If you ever want to get out of the house and meet some new people I would be happy to invite you along. Everyone needs a friend sometimes.

 

[Draigan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmygFf1_ik

very charming song

 

[will66]

The problem is that I don't know how to meet people... I am a very shy person and have some social phobias... I could never go to a club by myself or anything along those lines and I honestly have no one to go with at this point. I've always made friends through gymnastics, school or work and now I don't have any of those as options.

I don't know, it's hard to describe how dissconnected I feel from the rest of the world, having these vampire hours and working a job I feel like I have to hide.

I know how you feel. I have serious self esteem issues and always think of how people perceive me and I always seem to keep my distance, even with people I know quite well. I really don't have people to go out with also. I feel I have to be drunk, high, or stoned to even interact wth people. I try to put myself in different social setting not normal for me. Hopefully you will meet someone out of the blue that will really click with you. But I will b honest good friends are hard to come by. hell, I haven't had a good friend since 4th grade8)

 

[ttownlcb2]

I don't know if this is SLR or DS but I think more DS...

For anyone who hasn't read my posts I started stripping about five and a half months ago after I was laid off from my job and kicked out of my parents house (after they caught me using for the millionth time).

I really like my job and I am making insanely good money at the moment (averaging about $3,000 a week). I don't envision myself doing it forever obviously but until I finish school and decide what I want to do, or find a coaching position at the same level I was at before I'm happy doing what I'm doing.

I have no moral qualms with what I do but I don't want to subject myself to being judged by the rest of the world and being labeled a whore or a prostitute or assumed to be some manipulative hopeless junkie, or to have to deal with guys assuming "well she's a stripper, she'll sleep with anybody." So I feel like I am constantly hiding who I am from the world during the day, which if I was working some boring job that didn't affect me very much I would't really care about....but this job is such a huge part of my life and so emmotionally tolling (good and bad) by lying and telling someone I'm a waitress or a hotel clerk I feel like I'm leaving out a huge part of my life and who I am.

The fact that I have such bizare hours (I work from 8pm-4am on the weekends and until 2 am on the weekdays, I sleep from 5 or 7 am to 3 pm) and on all the nights people go out has made me completely dissconnected from my old friends (and the fact that I know some of them won't approve of me stripping) and the ones I had have basically forgotten about me and I feel like they're in another world. My family won't speak to me and I honestly have no desire to work on building a relationship with any of them. And with my mother on a rampage to make sure everyone thinks I'm a completely hopeless whoring drug addict it's pretty impossible anyway....

I haven't made any new friends because the only people I meet are dancers (and every one I've become close to has either been way too fucked up on drugs for me to handle, a total mess, or insanely manipulative and backstabbing) customers (who always seem to have somethig wrong with them, are assholes or just expect sex) and other staff members (who are just as bad if not worse than the customers).

I am honestly the loneliest I have ever been in my life. I have one customer-- who is basically the only person I would consider a friend and someone I get support from, I love this man-- who comes in once a week and I make between 2,000 and 2,500 from... I could easily live off just his visits but I go in to work five nights a week because I have nothing else to do and would rather be at the club than sitting alone in my apartment thinking about how miserable I am. I don't want to give up my job but my life feels so EMPTY all the time I feel like I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't go back to school until next semester and so I feel like I'm not stimulated in any way or that my life has direction at this moment, and I have no meaningfull relationships in my life besides the one with this customer (who is married and totally unavailable). I'm good friends with everyone that I work with but it seems like they all live the same way that I do and it just doesn't bother them.

This is a fucking long post but I really don't know what to do, this week has been the worst and I am getting more and more depressed and lonely every week, I can't take this shit anymore.

Mia, I feel for you. I have briefly worked in your field. I too am am an attractive woman who is very shy. I live in a new town and it is lonely. People expect more from you if you are pretty. I basically don't like most people. And that makes it hard to meet anyone I can connect with. You are more than than your job. Hang in there. Save your money, see the world. Fuck your family. My family blew me off too, even though I am more "successful than most all of them, in whatever the world terms at that. We only ultimately have ourselves. However fucked and lonely that is. Just keep in mind that you are a good person. No one can take that away from you.

 

[I'm__Broken__]

Mrs Mia Wallace, it can be extremely hard working the "means to an end" style of job. I've been there most of my life, attempting to work in jobs that i really didn't like to try and save some money to provide a better life, travel and freedom for myself. But i think the biggest problem i had was i had no goal in mind - no specific plan on what i was going to do, or how much i had to save to do it etc. It was always very vague. This meant i always ended up giving up and my jobs usually ended in a cavalcade of binges and unpleasantness...If i may ask, what are you studying?

If you are truly excited by the prospect of getting into the industry that relates to what you are studying, maybe try and work out some kind of timeline plan that dictates exactly what you want to do. This seriously helps with the emptiness (maybe not in the social sense, but in the "direction in life" sense) - it'll fill up a bit of time and buy a whiteboard or something and write your plan on it. I hated organisation (still do) and was fucking hopeless (still am, but a lot less so) with planning my everyday life until i started writing everything down and it's amazing how much of a difference such a simple action can make.

If you're making $3000 a week you are obviously good at your job - don't listen to useless fuckwits like "ProdigyCan" because their judgemental bullshit will only bring you down. It's idiots like that that create so many of the problems in the world we live in. Being paid to dance for a stranger is no different than being paid to provide any kind of service to a stranger i.e. retail, corporate..Whatever you do there's always going to be incidences when you have to pretend you like someone that you don't, you're always going to put forth somewhat of a fake persona, because it's work and you're working for someone else to try and make money. Therefore you have to (to a degree) pander to them - that's just the way it is and don't let ANYONE tell you they have the moral upper-hand over you because you dance for a living and they work in a drab office. People that would judge you for this are, frankly, people you probably don't want as a permanent fixture in your life.

As far as making new friends at the moment goes - I know how it feels to be lonely, i'm a bipolar former meth addict that had to hide my addiction from most of my friends for a long, long time. And when my switch flips, i simply can't bear to be around people. Unfortunately, shortly afterwards, when it flips the other way i lament not being more social and spend a lot of nights sitting home by myself- BUT i am lucky to have a really good friendship group around me that i have met mainly through my passion in life (which is music)...so, all i can suggest is to maybe try and mix with some people that are into whatever it is that you love. There has to be something. Although meeting randoms by going out to a club sometimes results in good friends it usually just results in you getting really fucked up with some randoms and realising you have nothing in common with them by the time sobriety hits.

But, the alternative - maybe (until school starts) now is the time for you to be alone and try to figure out what you really want out of life? Solitude can be a pretty valuable thing. I was a very social creature up until i had a breakdown recently and have found my alone time to be really, really valuable in figuring out what i want out of life. Don't look upon being antisocial as a negative thing - it's just the way you are, and when you start something like school again the social connections will naturally happen. I would highly recommend thinking at length about study cos you seem like a sharp, intelligent person with plenty to give. You have to keep that brain stimulated.

If you can think of anyone to talk to that won't judge you for your work you should maybe talk to them. Even if you don't have that much in common it would be healthy to converse with someone honestly about your work, so you don't feel quite so pent up inside. I say again, fuck anyone that dares to judge you. Noone has the right to say what they do is any more morally upright than you. Don't feel bad about hiding it though, we all have our demons (not that your work should be viewed as a "demon")....

I hope you feel better and my rambling wasn't too long.

 

[Carl Landrover]

No offense, but at a time when you're struggling with drugs and seems self-confidence issues at least with your occupation, do you think you'd be ready for a relationship? I don't mean that in a negative way, just that the ups and downs of a relationship can be a lot to handle. In retrospect, I don't think I was ready for a relationship a good portion of the one I'm just getting out of, and I think me not being sober was a big part of that.

How is stripping dancing with the devil? Stripping is damn good money for minimal work...

If I was dating someone, I wouldn't want another guy seeing my girl in a thong and I certainly don't want them to see her topless. I very much don't want them to see her pussy or to rub/lick/suck her tits or have her grind on him or do anything else that might happen at a strip club.

Therefore, I feel as if only certain personality types would be the type to date someone who is currently stripping.

I don't know what Mia is like in person and I don't know what type of men she likes, so this all based on assumptions and generalities.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

Mia-

I'm sorry your in a rough spot in your life. I've been in your EXACT situation before...I too was a stripper for many years and although the money was good it did alienate me from not only my friends and family but eventually my boyfriend at the time.

My ex boyfriend and I were friends long before we ever dated and he knew that I was a stripper. In fact, when we first started sleeping together it didn't bother him...he actually was turned on by it. I would give him dances and stuff before we would get it on. He used to come see me at work all the time, and it was really fun to dance for my man...looking at me from the side of the stage like I was the most beautiful goddess he's ever seen in his life.

But when things started getting serious between us, started "dating", and he fell in love with me was when EVERYTHING changed. He began to resent my job as a dancer...became insanely jealous to the point that when he would come to pick me up, he would come into the club and LITERALLY GLARE AT ME if I was in the middle of giving a lap dance. If I had a really good night and made good money he would question "how I made it", insinuating that I MUST have done "extras" to make that much money. I guess it didn't help that the place I worked at was a real dive and was known to be a "jack shack" and almost all the girls there did extras except for me and a few other girls. It really started effecting my money and my additude at work. After almost a year together, he gave me an ultimatum...him or stripping. I chose him...and I resented him for it for the rest of our relationship.

As far as trying to make friends with strippers, I wouldn't recommend this no matter how lonley you are. This is because 90% of them are liars, cheats, theives, whores, fucked up in so many ways that I could go on and on about. Strippers are a bunch of women that are put in an establishment to backstab and shit all over each other so that THEY can make the most money. That's just a fact. I'm not saying this is bad but its the truth. Dancers are there for one reason and one reason only...to make money. And at the end of the day, they don't care who they fuck over to get it. They WILL talk shit behind your back no matter how nice they are to your face but, you MUST take it all in stride...because they too will effect how much money you will make. Once a girl or a few of them "have it out" for you, they will run you out of the club. I've seen this happen so many times to other girls. I learned to show up, keep my mouth shut, don't get involved in the other girls drama, never talk shit about any girls even if you don't like them, and don't share any personal information with any of them because they will turn around and use it against you.

I will say that I learned so much in the years I was a stripper. Those were some of the best and worst years of my life. I don't regret it, because it definately made me a stronger woman. It also made me understand men and women a lot better.

Anyways...sorry for babbling. Just the topic of stripping brought back many memories for me. lol

One mistake that I did make when I was dancing is NOT SAVING MY MONEY!!! BANK ALL YOUR MONEY GIRL!!! Don't blow it on dumb shit like alcohol and drugs like I did. It's ok to have fun, but try to put away as most money as possible. Invest your money.

You can use your job as a way to meet people and network for things you want to do in the future after your stripping days are over!

I hope things start getting better for you girl! I really like you Mia! If I lived where you were I would TOTALLY be friends with you and would kick it!

 

[samb834]

Mia, have you got much money saved up? As someone else have already suggested why don't you pack a bag and hit the road and go travelling? I've yet to do it myself but can imagine you'd get a whole lot of soul searching done when your on the other side of the world on a tropical beach...

That way you can get some of your personal issues sorted out, make some awesome friends, gain self confidence, return to the US and get back to school....

Failing that, why dont you get a head start on your studies if you do return back to school in Jan, kinda hit the road running and all that.

Don't let things get you down Mia... From what I've read of your posts you come across as an extremely intelligent, articulate, and above all cool woman who shouldnt have an difficulties meeting people - it just so happens that your job has incredibly unsocialble hours and that has kinda thrown a spanner into the works.

Things will work out eventually, whatever you decide to do...

 

[TippyCup4Life]

That is A LOT of money you make. Sounds like you could skimp for a month or two, "rediscover yourself" in Costa Rica for 6 months, then go back and get what you want to be doing started.
It never that simple though, is it.

Can't you cut some hours or something at least?

You need to show yourself some love, and if money is not the reason life is so hard on you atm, then what are you telling yourself is getting in the way of changes you want to make?

You put up with and endure more than most people could fathom, which puts you in the upper percentile of really fucking strong people.
If you "get it together" in the way you want...I can't help but picture some kind of superhero when all that strength you struggle to control gets perfectly aligned.
Watch the fuck out!
Right now your arch-enemy is you, and what are you feeding that thing?!?!