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I have lost virginity to an escort.

neversickanymore said:
that makes more sense.
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Yea, seriously NSA, I don't tell people to seek therapy or rehab except in extreme cases(as I think they are designed to the benefit of the practitioners rather more than the patients!), but....since he edited his post may as well drop it :)
 
OP_____

Having sex with prostitutes is not a real bad thing, a hell of a lot more people do it than what you think. Now I don't know what your social life is like but if you don't have much of one that's probly one of the reasons why you have found it hard to meet a girl. You can't start getting angry with other people and taking your frustration out on them because of the way you choose to live your life.
 
Having sex with prostitutes is not a real bad thing, but losing virginity to one and overusing them is. Bad thing is when you have not had sex even once without paying.

My anger isn't only because of me not getting women, it is the experience with people in general and their evil acts towards each other. I have no idea how to explain it and will refrain from saying more.
Trying to analyse my problems, I realise that I expose myself to too much negativity in the world and I never really focus on the good. I spend time watching horrible things on the internet, I get screwed by people, and this is how my mind set develops - that the things will always be bad, so what is the point in even trying. Who knows, maybe I even enjoy it, as it is the way I have been living for a few years now.

You see... it is like the hedgehog's dilemma, I seek to be close to someone in order to be happy but I must remain apart to avoid hurting one another.
I do not understand myself at the moment at all.

I never harm myself by cutting my hands etc. but I think I hurt myself emotionally a lot, as I kind of enjoy it and it gives me a short relief. I do it in a few different ways;

  • Every time I interact with women, talk, smile at each other I always immediately reject the idea of even thinking to hit them up, or that I could ever be with them as I see no reason why they would like me. I like my own self, I think I can do some cool shit and would never change just so someone likes me. Maybe because I have always been their second choice and I totally gave up in being just a choice.
  • I use prostitutes, pay for sex and then get drunk. Sex with a hooker is not even good... Sliding your penis into a vagina without any emotional connection is simply empty, like having sex with an object.

Just before I went to a hooker for the first time, I have told myself "This is how it will always be, the only way it can happen" - this is where I already lost.
I am sick and tired of all this.


What 23, thank you very much for your input. Makes me realise that there are also other difficult life scenarios out there and I am not alone.
 
^^losing virginity to a prostitute is bad? I admit I'm less than a qtr stupid but I don't follow you ????
 
8o this thread is dark! Hey OP is there any chance you feel like this because you lack control? I could be wrong but I know myself that when I'm not working on taking control and changing the status quo that's when I'm most vulnerable to dark thoughts. I get the feeling that the things you're focusing on are just symptoms of the real problem and won't be resolved until you identify the roots and develop the appropriate solution.
 
I did some blow with my friends mother at 16 and we had sex.

She was a dope fiend but fucking hot, so she was basically a whore.

I would not pay for sex, but I just split like an HG with her and she busted out some liquor.

I was just relieved to have lost my virginity as I was always self conscious that I was a virgin and the girls that liked me were not, so after that I started fucking the chicks I knew liked me.

But yeah stop shagging prossies if you want to ever have a normal relationship or it will fuck your head up sexually.
 
You are right, and it already did. I feel like it is the only way I can ever get sex. I became addicted to it mentally and physically. Every time I do it, I only feel worse after the encounter and my self-esteem goes totally to shit. The girls I see always ask me why such a "good looking young guy" need to pay for sex, I always reply that because of my studies and job I have no time for a relationship but in my head I ask myself the same question.

My head is messed up. I have never been so down for such a long time... :)
 
I think they call these first world problems.

Why dont you start focusing on yourself instead of what others are doing around you. Who gives a shit what their doing. You cant control people and your gonna drive yourself nuts watching them. They say, and i believe this, that we talk shit about other peoples character flaws because we see part of ourselves in them. And then your solution is to turn around and harm them? Thats one of the examples the govt uses as a reason to take my guns away.

Its amazing but if you start being positive and seeing the good in people, it will attract positivty in your life. But if all you do is focus on the negative and then subject yourself to more of it at home, the only thing in your life will be negativity and it will be attracted to you.

Ya dude, i can say that i really cant stand people. I would go so far as to say i hate people. When i meet someone i have alot of judgement already in my head about that person but i still talk to them and slowly they dispell everything i thought about them and i have a friend. Thats almost as certain as death is peoples lack of common sense. People are always gonna act stupid, say retarded things, and just make you wanna scream but its always gonna be like that. Focus on yourself and make a happy future, dont live by how other retards are acting.

You see the bad in people cause you see the things in your life that you dont like so you make yourself feel even shittier by getting these hookers and proving to yourself your no good. Well, thats not the case. In there is a good person and your just burying him with negative trash.

Why dont you try and make a positive change in the world instead of adding to the negativity and despair. Why dont you try and be better than them or the bigger person. Sounds to me that your on the pity pot a little bit. Cause i can tell you from experience that people are gonna be people and the only one you can change is yourself.
 
ZSSR said:
and now I continue using escorts to this day. I've done this over 30 times and I am only 19. Isn't this great? Yeah...
Now I ask myself why. What is the cause of this young man's tragedy, was he not loved during his teens? Was he always by himself during his teens? Did he have anyone he could look up to? You know the answer, but why should he complain though? He has a normal, good job. He studies and lives by himself. Every thing he does is only thanks to him, no one gives him money or show how to do things. He should be proud of him self. Sometimes though - people expect more, so much he cannot handle and the angers fills within him. He says to himself "I am just a human being, can I not do mistakes?", "when others do mistakes, I try not to judge, why are you like this to me?". Well see, young man - people are evil. Life, life is also evil. The young man's mindset has now a very negative view on the world. Things become more serious and there is still lack of things he can look up to.

I am a tall, quite okay looking guy. I have never met a women who even liked me for a short while.
My funky problems and mess in my mind exceed all limits. I am sick and tired of this bullshit life.
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As long as it's consensual, you don't spend more money than you can afford, you use protection, and are careful, I don't see what's so bad about it.
Honestly, I've had a couple of gf's who were such nightmares that I wish I would have spent my time with escorts instead. A bad gf is like stepping in a pile of dog poo -- she stays with you like the gooey dog crap that you can't quite scrape off your shoe. For an escort on the other hand, all you have to do is pay her and she's gone forever.
 
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Most guys who are the OP's age are pretty useless with women anyway. Fuck knows i was 8) . It does get easier as you get older though believe it or not. And who cares if you shag prostitutes? If you wanna have fun fucking have it.
 
ZSSR said:
You are right, and it already did. I feel like it is the only way I can ever get sex. I became addicted to it mentally and physically. Every time I do it, I only feel worse after the encounter and my self-esteem goes totally to shit. The girls I see always ask me why such a "good looking young guy" need to pay for sex, I always reply that because of my studies and job I have no time for a relationship but in my head I ask myself the same question.

My head is messed up. I have never been so down for such a long time... :)
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I think you really should seek out a relationship, even one that is rather casual.

You are missing out on the emotional connection that comes along with sex and believe me it is alot better.

I used to sleep around alot and I would still find the emotional connection for a brief period of time.

That being said the sex and emotional connection that comes with a relationship makes things much more sensual and straight up the sex is better.

Once you find a partner you like, you can mix things up (ie rough sex, role play, bdsm, kama sutra, tantric sex, slow sex, whatever you are in to) and you can also have unprotected sex once you both get tested and agree to only sleep with each other.

Saying you are too busy for a relationship sounds like a bit of an excuse. No offense. I have found alot of women prefer a relationship that is rather low maintenance and sometimes open relationships are OK, at least for me.

I will tell you from personal experience that this will fuck your head up. I was on the opposite side of your situation when I was young and I had sex with women for money and I enjoyed the sex, but they did not know that. Really I was just shagging women in there early 30s who were lonely and giving what they wanted emotionally.

After that I got into several open relationships that lasted on and off for about 10 years. However I had about 5 serious girlfriends with whom most I never cheated on and lived with one for 3 years.

When I lived with that woman for 3 years it was good for most the time. We had the same hobbies and it was great to be with a woman I could enjoy watching movies with (no chick flicks), play video games with, exercise with, and also we split up the chores and expenses. Eventually though she did not hold up her end of the bargain, but that is irrelevant to your situation.

I guess what I am trying to say is that sex with no emotion is not the best and I do not think you have experienced anything different, so my two cents to you would be to seek out a partner, even if it is only casual.

Now remember with a casual relationship the whole point is to not get too emotionally attached or it will not work out. It is basically for people who are busy or who have commitment issues. I have always had trouble with commitment and I am sure without a doubt that my sexual habits led me to that.
 
My friend pays for sex regularly - he loves the whole thrill, the experience of the brothel. For him, It's not just about having sex, it's about frequenting those places. He says it gives him a rush. He's a normal, every day guy. He sees all types of people visiting those places. Businessmen, teens, old men, married men, all types of men from all types of backgrounds. I don't think losing your virginity to a prostitute is bad. I lost my virginity when I was 16, to a girl who I can't even picture in my mind any more. I can't remember what the sex was like, and I realised years later, that I didn't really love her...I was too young to know love. If you felt the need to lose your virginity, and you lost it to prostitute, I can assure you that it will probably go down as a more memorable sexual initiation than most young men experience, lol.

Enjoy your life, enjoy your body, enjoy your sexuality, and keep looking for love. When you find it, don't tell her about the hookers, ok! lol
 
Honestly, I was glad to lose my virginity to someone I did not give a fuck about or had to see again.

Getting that first shag out is rough one way or another and well I was glad to have it over with so to speak, but frequenting prostitutes IME will fuck up your sex life.

I have a friend who really only fucks prostitutes as he cannot hold a stable relationship because he gets too emotionally attached, goes way to fast, and has serious drug and psychological problems.

I do not think the prostitutes are helping his situation. He grew up with a mother who never loved him and seeks sex from both men and women, despite being straight. Really, he is a lonely, sad man who uses drugs that mimic the chemical that love and affection produces in the brain.

I am telling you straight up that you will become emotionally numb if you carry on like this. As I said before, I was a man-whore or whatever you want to call it and I have serious problems in terms of having feelings towards women (who I probably should be in love with) and committing to more than just not to shag another woman.

Sex with emotion and passion between two people who care about one another is much better. Sure there is the brief fleeting moment in casual sex where you form some time of chemical emotional bond. It is rather fleeting, but its there. I get that.

Just my 2 cents. Good luck OP.
 
@legalizeall
This thread might be a little pathetic to older or more mature people like you. However I am losing ends, there is completely no one I can talk to about these issues, there is no one to back me up.

Positivity - You are right. I am planning to do some positive changes in my life that hopefully will make me better. I have been experiencing and noticing only the negativity, which I have to stop focusing on so much, but it's difficult to just blindly hope.

Pity pot? Very possible.

@sacko
You at least had a girlfriend, I didn't. If the only way for me to get sex is by money, it is a little sad.
Each time I visited an escort I hoped I can experience how it feels to be loved just for some short time, but instead I experienced how empty the sensation is and sometimes even negative.

Escorts are like drugs, get you addicted because they feel good, but damage you in a long run.

@dopemaster
You have miss-understood a little bit. I was only answering the question a few escorts would ask me that why I would pay for sex and not have a girlfriend. My answers were made up lies so I won't have to say other things such as "because I am a loser with extremely low self-esteem bla bla..".

I wanted to thank you very much for pointing out that I should seek out a relationship. I used to say to my friends that if I had someone I could spend time with and share some emotions it would make things better, but they kept denying it and some of them said it is even too much to expect from your partner(really?...) eh.

I think I have said it once already, but let me say it again. I do not care about sex, sex out of nothing. I do not enjoy going to escorts in general, I hate it. Don't you know how much I would like to have someone I could do silly and most simple things with? I ask some of my friends quite often about their girlfriends and how it feels like to do all these boring and simple things, feels awesome just to think about that!

Casual or not, I cannot get any and that's the problem - I am completely fucking worthless.

@velmwend
Thank you very much for the support my friend, appreciated! I will try to change things.

@dopemaster once again,
It destroyed me mentally in a really short time, I have to recover from the damage but that will take a lot more time. I had never even hugged a girl without paying, its terrible. Now if I had a chance of being in a relationship, I am scared I will get too attached. I do not know what to do, what is OK and what is wrong. What is not enough and what is too much. My alcohol abuse only made me worse, whenever I try to reply to any of the posts there is 1000 other things rushing through my head at the same time.

I can 100% relate to your friend, I am in the same situation. I am a little sado who can only count on his own self, no one gives me anything, I do everything by myself without any greater purpose and that's where the boredom and hatred comes from.

Let's take a look at Breivik for example. the killer of 77 in Norway. No one wants to talk about what was going on in his childhood, and I do not think that Islamisation of Europe was his number one reason. Maybe his first reason was that he was abused and rejected by both of his parents. Unfortunately even if it is true and Breivik "kind of knows it", he could never admit and acknowledge it. He would be marked as insane and his manifesto would be invalid, but let's don't go there...




Thank you very much for the input.
 
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