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I have lost virginity to an escort.

ZSSR

ZSSR

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 30, 2014
Messages
14
and now I continue using escorts to this day. I've done this over 30 times and I am only 19. Isn't this great? Yeah...
Now I ask myself why. What is the cause of this young man's tragedy, was he not loved during his teens? Was he always by himself during his teens? Did he have anyone he could look up to? You know the answer, but why should he complain though? He has a normal, good job. He studies and lives by himself. Every thing he does is only thanks to him, no one gives him money or show how to do things. He should be proud of him self. Sometimes though - people expect more, so much he cannot handle and the angers fills within him. He says to himself "I am just a human being, can I not do mistakes?", "when others do mistakes, I try not to judge, why are you like this to me?". Well see, young man - people are evil. Life, life is also evil. The young man's mindset has now a very negative view on the world. Things become more serious and there is still lack of things he can look up to.

I am a tall, quite okay looking guy. I have never met a women who even liked me for a short while.
My funky problems and mess in my mind exceed all limits. I am sick and tired of this bullshit life.
 
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So, you want to randomly gun people down because you pay hookers for sex?
To hell with what people expect; do what pleases you obviously without the placing of malicious intent upon others. Smoke some pot and analyze what you have going good for you. No one has the perfect life nor the perfect upbringing. A lot of people have a negative view on the world (including myself). I know it sounds cliche, but you have to see through the smoke and make light of the situation by finding good within yourself and spreading it amongst others. Sounds easier said than done. Or you could be an evil asshole that the tyrannical, evil world wants you to be and go kill random people, which solves nothing. You say there lacks things to look up to. Look up to yourself.
 
I'm sure women do like you, but you're probably putting to much emphasis on the subject matter, and maybe that is repelling women away.

If you're tall & an all-right looking guy, you are already half way there. You just need to find that particular cool element. Women tend to have trust issues with guys they don't know well, and maybe they're seeing some insecurities and emotional issues in you that is driving them away.

I don't mind trying to help you or give you advice, but I'll say this:

Leave all the innocent people alone. They did nothing to you. If you're going to hurt anyone, do it to yourself.
 
"assault rifle" is a made up term for the record

get it right Hugh Grant
 
Why do you want to take an assault rifle to "people"?

People don't owe you anything special. Girls don't owe you their affections.

Let people be. By the way I'm going to report this post. Not sure to who yet- I'll look into it in the morning, but this kind of thing should be treated as the same as a bomb threat. If I knew where you lived, you may be dead tomorrow. And I'd go to jail for 15 years knowing I may have stopped another angry male from killing multiple people. Of course maybe you wouldn't... But I'd deal.

Seriously dude, you have no right. If you're going to kill anyone, kill yourself.

Why am I so pissed... I am people. I am someone in that crowd. My niece is someone in that crowd. My sister. You just posted on a board of people, threatening them...
 
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I also have sex with prostitutes.
I also see much evil... But why would you want to give into it?

And what is with your story of your tragedy?
You seem to have your mind made up.
You question if you didnt have love...
Did you?

Why not show love?
Volunteer at an animal shelter. Many girls do that around where I live. Life is something you need to participate in to get anything from.

I'm 31. I spend much of my time alone. I at times want to blow up the outside world, sometimes I think the only thing that has stopped my committing mass killings is that I simply see it wouldnt accomplish anything. The evil "head" can't be found. Sometimes I have written that I simply cant kill enough.

Killing random will only cause unnecessary sadness.

You haven't the right to bring such control over another's life.

You have not the power or precision to cut the disease from us. Its something we all bear. You too. Change comes from within. Yea... there is a lot of bullshit out there, but let yourself try to practice truth. And try to have compassion. If you must, be the strong silent one. Be a sacrifice.

If you are truly ready for a real relationship, it will happen. But I think you need to learn to love, as real as that can be.

Treat life as an illusion. But as a test. Do you honestly think you won't have to retake the test if you fail? As a pattern, within a pattern, will there not be repercussions for you-- correction for you if you fuck up so badly? At best you will learn, at worst, there is a hell waiting for you, not as punishment, but you could see it as punishing. Just this fucked up thing trying to correct itself.

Don't shoot my niece.
Don't shoot my mom.
Don't shoot anyone, unless in protection, like I would for others from you or another.
Love me.

If you really want to shoot someone, we can trade bullets. But there is another way. Let go. Live. Be nice despite. Treat it as a test. Enact what you wish as love... not stupidity. Not degradation.

Try to get involved in things. What are your interests?
 
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I also suggest slowing down on the escorts.The frequent association of paying for sex/companionship that is empty, can't be good on the circuits.

And it may satisfy you just enough to not get in naturally with other girls. Dunno.
 
You're 19, there's plenty of time of finding women who will love you.

It's probably not going to happen if you go about loathing people though.
 
I can see that my post has been taken very seriously, I understand.
Let me clarify a few things. Getting an assault rifle or even a hand gun in the country I live in is impossible. To be honest I doubt I was ever able to take someone's life, I usually try to respect people and couldn't do such a horrible thing. Unfortunately I have this extreme thoughts going through my mind lately and I am afraid of them myself, I also felt maybe like I need to type this as people never take me more seriously.

I do not bale others for my problems, of course not. What I am saying is that people are evil to each other in general, my experience only proves it each time. When I keep my own business to myself, others back stab me. It pisses me off, just let me be, why do others care so much how I deal with things? Please, you can report the post to anyone you want. I am sure the NSA has already have me on their radar, so I would not worry. I am just so sick of thinking like this, I usually come out of my depressive periods but this has been going for so long. It feels like it's going to stay like this still for a while... I am so tired... I cannot take this... maybe I actually should take my own life just in case.

I am sorry I have offended you by what I've said. I am sorry What 23 for making you angry. I am lost, I do not know where to start, or even if I want to anymore.



I know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could
live for no one else


But now through all the hurt and pain
Its time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything.


So with sadness in my heart
I feel the best thing I could do
is end it all
and leave forever
whats done is done, it feels so bad
what once was happy now is sad
I'll never love again
my world is ending


I wish that I could turn back time
'cause now the guilt is all mine
can't live without the trust from those you love.
I know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love and pride
because of that it's killing me inside ​
 
I sometimes think about school shootings or homicide but I'm just crazy take it from someone who has these thoughts and is never taken seriously. If you are going to get upset about something make sure you're upset about the right things don't go doing anything crazy and ending up like me hehe.
 
I'm only angry because of the statement saying you will do such a thing. And that someone I know and love could be in that crowd. Beyond those I know being victims, it is on principal that they could be, and simply that its not right to senselessly kill.

People are all worried about their own life. I am currently in danger of losing my good chewing teeth, already at 31. I'm allergic to most things I try to eat. My diet is chicken, hemp seed oil, and apple juice. And I get sick eating certain kinds of hemp seed oil and apple juice as well. I guess I can eat apples.

Fragrances make me ill. If someone sat in a seat before me and used a laundry detergent that has a fragrance, and it is on me, I'm likely to have nausea. Peoples deodorants give me headaches. Women's (and mens-- any) perfume and scented lotion makes my mouth and tongue burn, and may even cause swelling in my throat.

Many people are diabetics. They have to worry about blood sugar. Some people have a paralyzed stomach, which takes forever to digest food.

I don't know. I'm just saying, everyone has problems. This doesn't mean I am or they are incapable of being compassionate with yours. But sometimes it is up to us to be bigger. So many times because of my illness and inability to process without side effects a simple scented soap on another person (nearly every girl, plus her scented hair shampoo and conditioner, etc), I've wanted to take a torch to the entire fucking place. But then I have to pull a Jesus and say, "they know not what they do", but the thought does repeat, almost every time I am inflamed from a reaction. Every time my mouth and/or face is on fire.

I know what it is like to not be taken seriously... Many people just laugh at me for my illness. Basically. They say it isn't real. They become offended. They say "its not my problem", like my previous neighbor who blasted the plug in air freshener, that invaded the common halls, making me feel like I was huffing gas (at its worst) if i didn't wear a respirator. My own mother laughs. My family is actually one of the worst offenders, considering that we are family and they scoff.

Basically, I am only angered at some "other male", acting out in rage for HIS problems, on my family. And I have asked to be shot before. I've wanted to be taken out of the equation. And most people who know me consider me very calm, and people are comfortable around me. I understand, like you, others, and am often attacked.

Basically, just don't do it. If you do want to talk to someone, there are people here who identify, but you must understand, saying you Will do something, is scary... and will provoke a reaction. Don't do it. And I guess, don't let the world get you down. They are nothing. You can't even confirm the world exists. I can't confirm you are not another part of my test of myself. We can choose to smile through the pain, and show the tester (or torturer) that we won't break. Or you can break (and we all do on levels eventually). But make sure if you do, do it where you won't bring others down with you, you know? Let them process through their own process. You don't know what they go through, or have been through, either. What they have going on.

Maybe I am not helping... But I mean to.
 
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If u wana hurt someone be a man and find the biggest and baddest mofo u can find and square up.only pussies take out aggression by guns be a real man and use what God gave u,test what kind of man you really are.a real one or just a whiner.if u wana shoot the person thats responsible on how your life is just flip it around.:X
 
You're only 19, you have tons of years left. I would recommend that you seek counseling as I think that, what you need, is more than what we can give you on this board.
 
Nicholai said:
Seek therapy! Seriously. Not being a bitch about it but no damn joke!
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Huhh.. this is overreacting. good lord role with it.

This word is getting so pathetic.. I need a therapist.. the world needs a therapist.. if it feels good and is good with your heart.. do it and then eat a good meal content and nap.
 
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neversickanymore said:
Huhh.. this is overreacting. good lord role with it.

This word is getting so fucking pathetic.. I need a therapist.. the world needs a therapist.. if it feels good and is good with your heart.. do it and then eat a good meal content and nap.
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I don't think you read the OP's original message. He edited and deleted a disturbing comment from his original post, but he apologized about it.
 
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