I have hit my rock bottom. Please help.

[atv]

Hi guys,

This is a call help. I have hit rock bottom.

I am experiencing a definite physical withdrawal and it is nasty. I took 1mg of Flubromazo-Lam for fear of seizing at 3am today, got 4-5 hrs sleep and 3pm today WD is back. I know people will most likely say its the benzo but I cant remember the last time I took Flubromazo-Lam (prob min 2 weeks) and it is the only RC benzo I bothered with in the end, but I respected it as I knew it was addictive and now I believe very short acting as WD is already back. I used it for stim comedowns that was it really, and took breaks.

Over the last couple of months I've been vaping Diphenidine, MXP and Noids also in the daytime some synthacaine mainly.
I went cold turkey a few days ago, flushing all of my substances except* holding on to a few Flubromazo-Lam just in case this scenario happened. Which I really wish it didn't!

Could it be the Diphenidine/MXP or the noids and how long will I have to ride this?
I plan to take 0.75mg Flubromazo-Lam tonight and reduce accordingly until physical WD is through. In the daytime I will ride this WD.

Its a Sunday so no doctors open but I have told a good friend and also spoke to a doctor on the phone today telling them I am doing this and they both agreed if I felt like seizing again to take the Flubromazo-Lam. I feel the need to re-iterate I am sure this is not Flubromazo-Lam WD as it took a good few days to come on, and 12hrs after a dose I am in WD again (only benzo recently consumed). I am going to see my doctor on tuesday.

I do not want to buy and take anything else, even a longer half life benzo as I want this over and done with, RC'S and other substances have slowly robbed me of the things I love in life, and I want my life back with the people I care about. I just hope its only a few days I have to take a benzo.

Also I am unsure if my doc will give me meds to recover from RC addiction they don't know anything of noids etc, I have a choice at my clinic on a walk in tuesday though. See the doc who has my best interests at heart, (but may not prescribe me meds I believe I need for a while) or see one of the script signers as I have always done?

I really do want out and want to do it the right way, so I know I should see the caring quack just a bit worried he will think I am drug seeking.

Help anyone?!

 

[CaveBear]

go to a medical detox, go to inpatient rehab, and go to meetings afterward. those, imo, are the steps to take if you are dead serious about quitting. anything else is just talk. there are no excuses if you are serious. good luck.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey atv..

Here is some strong information on benzos and tapering them. If you at all concerned about your safety detoxing them then you will need to seek professional help right away.

The rehab meeting rought works for some people. Didn't work out to be what I needed, but I incorporated some of the information and techniques I picked up in those places.

Best of luck and please detox safely.

Benzo Information

BENZODIAZEPINES: HOW THEY WORK AND HOW TO WITHDRAW (aka The Ashton Manual)
Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome Wiki

 

[atv]

Hey thanks very much guys!

In all the worry I left out a very important detail!
I am on 30mg Mirtazapine a day.
After searching for interactions I have found it lowers the seizure threshold making it extremely uncomfortable when I take my 30mg dose after 6pm.
It also has a paradoxical reaction on sedation, i.e. less tired at higher doses, when I was on 15mg I would take it right before bed.
If I go for more than a couple of days without I get extremely emotional.

Yes, I am deadly serious and this is not just talk. I have been down to the quacks armed with information, backed up by sources and I am already registered with a drug service but my keyworker went away on annual leave without telling me, though she said she would contact me with a plan within a week, she didn't because they lost my number in the system. I had even recorded the phone calls of how un useful they have been leaving me to go it alone, without being rude of course, he then referred me to a drug service that I know has been closed down for good! I'm alone here apart from my friends and families on the phone for advice which is great of course.

It has been three days and all I have taken is 30mg Mirtazapine at 6pm and 1mg Flubromazolam before bed. 0.75mg didn't quite cut it. I'd rather not buy anymore benzodiazepines, and I haven't got a script.

Doc was baffled, but acknowledged my national health service (UK) sources.
Told me to try 15mg mirtazapine for two days and I will try 0.5mg Flubromazolam if it is uncomfortable. He said to go to Accident and emergergency and ask for the crisis team if I feared seizure.
A factsheet online (unsure if I can quote sources) and my own experience seem to show flubromazolam as having a 4-8 hr duration.

Today is day 4 and it is 8.30pm.
I have taken 0.5mg of flubromazolam already because I have been suffering with extreme paranoia.
In saying that my appetite has returned, and also my appreciation for the other sex hehe, but I am far from comfortable.

I smoked and vaped an awful lot of potent noids in joints, in an e cig and from foil leading me to needing an asthma inhaler for a week or so. and I am wondering if it is withdrawal from the noids instead?

My keyworker is back tomorrow.
I have urgent mails, messages etc now, from me and my doctor waiting on her desk (he finally got the right building). I will be ringing her asap if I have not heard from her by noon.

If it is a cannabinoid WD then the benzo is treating it very well for only 6 hours or so. Can I check into detox for that? Although my body is experiencing some difficulty because of my senseless drug use, Mirtazapine has motivated me a lot in quitting, will they taper me off that too in a clnic? I have been on it for 4 months and think I would like to stay on that in the short term for fear of relapse.

I have 28 x 0.25mg Flubromazolam tabs left and of course the mirtazapine.

All I know is if I do feel this way again tomorrow and I am still struggling, there is nothing more in this world that I would love to do than check into a detox clinic, I've done rehab and months and months of day service groups every day in the past, I have got all the tools, and am only now starting to use them. I wish it had been earlier. Basically my head is there but my body just aint.

I have had no urge to use anything whatsoever apart from maintanence doses, I want my life and family back, and of course being an addict I want it now hehe...

If my words are confused, sorry. If anyone can build up a more rounded picture of what is going on with my body then that would be great.
Thanks

Quick update. I managed to get through last night with a great sleep on just 15mg Mirtazapine and 0.5mg Flubromazolam only! 10am and feeling ok, who knows what will come later....
Wondering if it is passing now...

Update 8.40pm feeling wretched now. Don't feel anywhere near seizure territory and I Have taken 0.5mg flubro and it does work for a while, then wd is back. Though I have not had my Mirtaz 15mg yet, that does help a lot for the sleep, and i am even managing to get decent solid food down me etc.

Surely its the noids? As my benzo tolerance seems to lower daily on the short action of flubromazolam? but I do ride out the days.
Have ordered 10 x 8mg Flubromaze-pam in a bid to remain stable for longer due to the extremely long half life. The plan is to take 8-16mg in a single dose and let myself naturally taper off taking a lower dose a day or two later. I know it takes a long long time to come on too, had used it a long while ago...am expecting around midday i hope!!!
Can't get in touch with my keyworker still, its useless. No keyworker = NO DETOX clinic. They arrange all that. The docs wont substitute only refer, this is thd only service I am entitled to use.

I live in the east end of London I should say. So as you can imagine there are a lot of clients and she was in meetings all day.

Frustrated. But proud of my relentless efforts. Did not want to buy anymore but if I can avoid everyday use of flubromazo-lam by doing this then its worth it. Discussed with friend and he sees my point. Could have got diaz, but minimum is 50. I dont want that many on my hands. Hoping my plan works and they do arrive tomorrow, good friday = No post for me. Proper struggling to get through this. Persisting though.
No Flubromazepam and same thing happens tomorrow I am taking myself there in withdrawal and begging them to change my keyworker/get me checked into a detox clinic...that is what I WANT but have been unable to get

 

[Fenriz]

You are probably outta the woods as far as physical WD. Good luck in treatment, if that's what you decide to do.

 

[atv]

I really hope so, your reassurance is really comforting. I have done rehab, just want the detox, my head is in the game more than it has ever been, If thats the case then the 10 x 8mg flubromaz-epam should see me through. I am starting to wish that I ordered from a different source where it is guaranteed next day, and what with Easter coming etc I only have tomorrow to get my keyworker to do something about my treatment, Damn me and my money saving ways! Hehe.

 

[neversickanymore]

how are you doing atv?

 

[Fenriz]

To the original poster: how did it go? Did ya get clean?