Hello my name is Alex.
Let me tell you a little about my self, I am 17 years old, currently doing A-levels in England.I have pretty bad dyslexia in English ( so you have yo bare with me). I have a Good family,Good friends, Good places to live and doing good at school. So everything is going good apart from the odd bit of depression everyone and again.
So when I was 15 I started getting really bad pain in my testicle this goes on for a few mouths. Bad pain,cant sleep etc.... was put on a low dose of "co codamol" I then have a operation to try and improve the problem because the Doctors think my testicle are moving around and that's why it hurts so much. The operation didn't go as well as it should of done. It took me 10 weeks to get better. Was put on max dose of co codamol and ibuprofen..
Move on a few mouths. This is where it starts getting bad. I am popping any wear between 8-14 co codamol 30/500 with ibuprofen and antidepressants. By this time All my school knows I have a problem with pills. I start doing CWE all the time, I start getting the really bad side a lot e.g. shortness of breath, heart beat starts going funny out of sink,respiratory depression, mood swings , cant wee etc... I wouldn't get them all at once just ever now and again. I start getting really paranoid and jumpy around people thinking they are all ways trying to hit me. I start lying to my friends,family and school ( which is completely unlike me) I also steal pills from people school,work,family and friends.
Fast forward a mouth or two I start taking my friends schizophrenia tablets pretty high dose too. Don`t know why I just do.
This goes on for a few more mouths.
I then get a stomach ulcer from all the tablets I have been taking. The pains worse then ever. Start getting really suicidal. Then I do the one thing I will always remember I had a good friends of mine called John he was like a grandfather to me and he had terminal cancer and I stole some of his painkillers morphine etc... Even to this day I still cant believed I had done this.
A few mouths later Try to withdraw from everything. Went two days. Started getting panic attacks, sweating,drug craving, cant stop being sick 24/7 etc...
Fast forwards 3 mouths or so.
Go back to the doctors 6 or 7 times in 6 weeks, been on tramadol,dihydrocodeine etc...
So now I cant go longer then a few hours with out them, cant remember what I did last week its just like i`ll been drinking ( if you know what I mean ). I am still in loads of pain. In the last two years I haven't been clean for more then two days. I just don't know what to do any more. I kinda want to stop because I know i have a problem but I am still in pain. Pill have just taken over my live I have lost a 15 mouth relationship over it, lost friends because they try and help me to stop but I just cant. I just always feel crap all the time e.g. full of cold. So I am just running out patience. What should I do? This is only little bit of the story, Don't want to bore you guys.
Just needed to get this of my chest thank you Bluelight
- Alex
Let me tell you a little about my self, I am 17 years old, currently doing A-levels in England.I have pretty bad dyslexia in English ( so you have yo bare with me). I have a Good family,Good friends, Good places to live and doing good at school. So everything is going good apart from the odd bit of depression everyone and again.
So when I was 15 I started getting really bad pain in my testicle this goes on for a few mouths. Bad pain,cant sleep etc.... was put on a low dose of "co codamol" I then have a operation to try and improve the problem because the Doctors think my testicle are moving around and that's why it hurts so much. The operation didn't go as well as it should of done. It took me 10 weeks to get better. Was put on max dose of co codamol and ibuprofen..
Move on a few mouths. This is where it starts getting bad. I am popping any wear between 8-14 co codamol 30/500 with ibuprofen and antidepressants. By this time All my school knows I have a problem with pills. I start doing CWE all the time, I start getting the really bad side a lot e.g. shortness of breath, heart beat starts going funny out of sink,respiratory depression, mood swings , cant wee etc... I wouldn't get them all at once just ever now and again. I start getting really paranoid and jumpy around people thinking they are all ways trying to hit me. I start lying to my friends,family and school ( which is completely unlike me) I also steal pills from people school,work,family and friends.
Fast forward a mouth or two I start taking my friends schizophrenia tablets pretty high dose too. Don`t know why I just do.
This goes on for a few more mouths.
I then get a stomach ulcer from all the tablets I have been taking. The pains worse then ever. Start getting really suicidal. Then I do the one thing I will always remember I had a good friends of mine called John he was like a grandfather to me and he had terminal cancer and I stole some of his painkillers morphine etc... Even to this day I still cant believed I had done this.
A few mouths later Try to withdraw from everything. Went two days. Started getting panic attacks, sweating,drug craving, cant stop being sick 24/7 etc...
Fast forwards 3 mouths or so.
Go back to the doctors 6 or 7 times in 6 weeks, been on tramadol,dihydrocodeine etc...
So now I cant go longer then a few hours with out them, cant remember what I did last week its just like i`ll been drinking ( if you know what I mean ). I am still in loads of pain. In the last two years I haven't been clean for more then two days. I just don't know what to do any more. I kinda want to stop because I know i have a problem but I am still in pain. Pill have just taken over my live I have lost a 15 mouth relationship over it, lost friends because they try and help me to stop but I just cant. I just always feel crap all the time e.g. full of cold. So I am just running out patience. What should I do? This is only little bit of the story, Don't want to bore you guys.
Just needed to get this of my chest thank you Bluelight
- Alex
