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I have a choice to make, a lot depends on it ...... *thinks*

xxsicknessxx

xxsicknessxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
1,014
I will make it easy and simplify everything.

I live in a clean and sober house. Im 7months sober.
Edited for content


1. Im moving across the street for the cost I pay here (shared room / bathroom) I will now have my own room and bathroom and live in a house with only one other person.

2. Or I can move into a apartment by my self for the same cost

3. or one of the people in the house im now in wants to rent either a 2b/2b apartment or house with me.

1. The guy who im taking over his room has not moved out, nor does he seem like he is going to, even though im being told he will be gone in 5 days, I doubt it. I can't stay here past 5 days, I got no where to go.. I have money but I need a place right away.. my funds are limited and I can't afford to stay in a motel for a week while he evicts the guy, nor would I be cool being in the house with him he is very shady I would feel unsafe. But I told him I would move in, he said he will kick him out for sure (he swore) I trust him I want to keep my word with him. (he has a job opportunity for me though its wishy washy)

2. Im only 7months sober im unsure if being alone is the best thing at this point, plus it would be slightly more expensive, and I would have no transportation at all. Could end bad.

3. The guy who wants to move out would get me a job right away (which I want) he is dependable, has money, connections, and is not a drug user at all. However he is Persian (im half) but I know how they can be, he is from another country and he operates much different then a strait american. Again im Persian too I understand them but I know how hard it could end up being living with him. Plus in 5months hes moving to another place for sure, so this would be a temp solution.

No perfect choice. Should I keep the original deal and give him the benefit of the doubt. Should I take the sure thing move out with the guy or just get away from everything start new in my own place. I can't decide. sorry if this post is messy.. this is a big choice for me.. I never have been sober 7months, I want this to work out but so far its been hard. Very hard. Things are all looking up but if this moving thing goes wrong I could end up in a bad spot. Im worried.
 
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srs advice....


don't move to the place across the street. that's hardly escaping your current environment. I'd go with the clean and sober Persian dude or get out on your own. You have to do it eventually anyway.
 
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Option 3 sounds best to me. I'm not sure what issues you could face by the different Persian way of operating, but if it's only for a few months it seems like the best bet.
 
thanks for the thoughts. Yes your right across the street really isn't much of a change at all is it. I just thought maybe for the next step it would be enough but maybe I need to do more, get farther away and start fresh.

thanks
 
If you moved across the street, who would you be living with? Do you know them well? It sounds quite stressful, waiting for the guy to move out..

Do you get on well with the Persian guy? What difficulties do you forsee there?

I live on my own, and overall I love having my own space, but it can be very easy to slip back into bad habits. I find I tend to isolate myself a lot, and when it's just you there is no one to see if you slip up..

It entirely depends on you though - are you the sort of person who prefers your own space or do you prefer living with someone? Sometimes having your own place can feel liberating and it could be a good fresh start, but only if you are ready and if you feel you will be able to keep yourself on track :)
 
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The guy across the street is sober, he had a problem but not anymore. I get along with him great. I have to get out of this house my roommates are selfish little children who just will never change. There so selfish I can't ever explain it to you. I don't know the Persian well at all. Except he doesn't have a drug problem, he has a stable job, he is a safer bet. I could see shit going bad with the other guy, not because hes a bad person.. were cool. Just he could loose his job, or be evicted, or any number of things.. use again... I know the Persian would be secure for 5months for sure. A safe bet. Just I gave the other guy my word.. if he follows through and kicks the guy out don't I owe it to him to stick to my deal. I gave my word ....
 
stay in a sober environment as LONG as possible... 1 year atleast if you want a better chance of staying clean bro; living alone is not good for addicts in early recovery.. your in REAL early recover still..

and also man stop worrying about other people and just do the shit that you gotta do to stay sober...

peace
 
*sigh* I made a mistake... Just need to vent ...

I decided to move. I gave 30days. I told the guy I was moving in with every single day that if the room wasn't open if he wasn't going to kick the guy out I didn't want to move in. The other guy is a tweaker. He does drugs, sells them, and is a weirdo. I DON't WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM. I begged him to tell me if he wasn't going to kick him out. I told him it was ok that I just wanted to make sure I had a place to live. That once I gave my 30days notice HE HAD TO KICK HIM OUT. he promised. He swore. he said he would be out for sure.

where am I now.. im across the street... I moved my shit because I had to. I gave 30days already. I moved because I got no choice. Now im living in a spare bedroom in his house with the tweaker sharing a bathroom with him. He has weird people in the house all day, I don't feel safe, happy... I feel depressed. So depressed it hurts.

7months I have been sober. But im about 5min away from biking to the store for a bottle of vodka. I know the vodka will make me feel ok. for awhile. I want it very very bad. I havn't though of using in along time. Today I am thinking of it and I don't know that I can resist. I just don't care. its not fair. I dont deserve this.

why did he lie. why couldn't he just tell me that it would take another month. Why? there was no point. It doesn't help anything. I mean.. I have been doing so good but now I think vodka is the only answer.

*sigh* I really don't know why im posting. It isn't helping. I don't want to live with him I made a mistake. I never thought he would lie strait to my face like this. He told me he would be out in a couple of days and the guy just sleeps all day. He is full of shit. my mind is working in a old way...

its funny. why did I ever try. sorry to even post this, I don't know what I hope to get as a reply. maybe I just wanted someone to know. ... I tried... I am tired. I am very tired. I wish I could sleep here. but at some point I got to go back to that house at some point. Will it be alone or with my friend vodka. Im not sure. my old buddy.. I know my liver misses him. I think they gave me 6months to live if I ever picked drinking back up. hmm ....

Thanks for reading. *sigh* sorry to be such a downer. I know im being a bitch. thats what sickens me the most. Is how im reacting. I am just to tired.
 
You are reacting in a completely normal way. In your other thread you explained how important this move was and it is underrstandable to feel hurt and upset that the guy lied to you, and also freaked out that you are now living with someone you don't want to.

Practically speaking, do you know when this guy will move out? Is it definitely 1 more month, no more? You can cope with that if so, you're a lot stronger than you think you are <3 just keep yourself to yourself, stay in your room while you are in the house, and get out as much as possible - go for a walk, get some exercise, see other people :)

Try to resist the vodka. It might temporarily make things okay, but it is not a long-term solution, is it? You know you will feel worse after and it could trigger things again.. is there anyone you can call? Anything you can do to keep distracting yourself? Stay strong! <3

edit: I am going to merge this with your other thread about moving, as it follows on from the same topic and gives people some context. I hope that is okay with you :)
 
Don't let a problem be an excuse.

What are your options re accommodation going forward?
 
Im not going to drink. That was weak of me to even think of that....

Im going to try. I will try it out. If my paranoia gets bad, or I feel wrong there im out. I won't risk it I just won't. However if I can I will give the guy one month to do what he said he was going to do. If at that time the tweaker is still there I am bouncing. Its just not worth the risk and I have forced my self to stay somewhere I didn't want to before and its a bad idea. I got to do what feels right ya know?

Thank you for listing. I really don't know why I let my self get so down. I mean im very unhappy about this, sick almost but shit... I could be homeless again. I just worry... I know my self to well. I just don't want to use again but my mind is messing with me. I never felt the urge to use in 7 months. Not really. and now im thinking of it. what is going on with me. *sigh*
 
Of course, the thought of being homeless is terrifying, and your home is so important to you. You can get through this though - only a month, and as you say, if it is still bad then, find somewhere new. I'm really glad to hear you decided against drinking - be proud! :) <3
 
I just worry. I worry a lot. I get scared sometimes. I don't want him to do something to me, or my food, or set me up or something. It sounds crazy but its not. A girl that used here tried to blame stolen pills on me. They drug tested me and I was clean plus I never abused the drug she said I took and she did. She also was drinking at the time. But a few people got food poisoning while she was here too. Plus when I used my brother poisoned me a few times. So as crazy as it sounds Its not. Thats where my worry comes from. Real things that happen to me. I worry he might try to kill me or pay a friend some dope to do it. I mean this shit happens in drug circles. Just because I don't use or hang around people like that doesn't mean he doesn't. Ya get my fear? I don't want to be paranoid but ... *sigh*

ya 1 month.... I learned along time ago to expect things. I just hope he doesn't do something. thats why I never wanted to live with him... *sigh* I just talked to the owner again... hes charging me rent when he said he wouldn't... but I really don't have anywhere else to go.

regret sucks. guess im stuck now.
 
Do you have anyone else you could stay with?

I don't think your fears will come to pass - past experiences are colouring things hugely here - but I understand that you are scared, and that is not a nice way to be. Do you have any specific evidence that you are at risk, or is it just (understandable) fear? Is there any way you can make yourself feel more secure - challenge your fear, it's so unlikely youd be poisoned again, the guy has no reason to, if you keep your head down you're not going to be a target, if he accuses you of things you can prove him wrong.. fear is a natural protective mechanism but it can run out of control.. Do you live with anyone else you could speak to - not tell them your fears exactly, just become friends with so you feel less alone?

If I were you, I would perhaps live there a month as the owner has taken your rent, but look for somewhere else as soon as the month is up - after all, he went back on his word and didn't move this guy out..

Good luck <3
 
start lookin for a place now. start saving now in a bank preferrably. be ready so when you are ready and have the money you can just move the fuck out, even 1 week from today. i wouldn't want to live in a place like that in my worst nightmare. i'd sleep with my doors locked too.
 
well I had to leave I gave 30days already and had no choice. I moved next door. It was my only real choice atm. However he is serious. The guy is deff on his way out for sure and I like it here, having my own space rocks. So things were not as bad as I thought. The rent is the same in the end, but for my own space and 2 less people in the house and a whole lot less drama it has worked out well. The guy I used to live with still wants to move out so if things go bad here for any reason I can always move out with him I also found a lot of places to move in to my self but I don't really want to do that. Just being here I find that I need someone I get along with. I get along with the owner well, I like the guy and his kid is cool once the tweaker is out it will be perfect. So I guess I worried a lot more then I needed to. However I have been having thoughts of using and if thats going on here I can only guess how bad it would be if I was all alone. I am going to stick it out for now.. I will update if things chance but for now its done with. Thanks for the advise. I just. I talked to you guys, my folks, my friends.. and this was the best most safe choice for me plus I made a deal even if things didn't go down as they should have I can't blame him. The guy doesn't want to move out and the law is on his side if he doesn't want to leave so... I just have to wait it out. If it comes down to it I know he will evict him by force but I think the guy is just going to leave. Now my only issue is paranoia I know the guy is up set about having to leave and I don't want him to posin my food or kill me. I don't think this will go down but i cant help but think of it
 
I would pick the most stable person which sounds like the persian. Thats what you want is a person who goes to work everyday and stays to themself (hopefully).

Basically w/e you do even though I'm an addict I have lived with addicts before, and lived with sober people who never used, and the addicts always have some type of issue. Or they're nice 6 days a week and 1 day they lose control and start punching walls and breaking shit. Make sure whoever you move in with though is not a control freak and does not have some type of territorial obsession over things. 90% of fights that happen in households are always about territory and control. Like moving shit around, using things that aren't yours, so the more patient a person you can find and the more easy going their personality I think the better off and more stable your own life will be.

Like I said I've lived with dozens of addicts over a 2 year period and there was always some type of drama going on. They just can't chill the fuck out and act normal and it will make you feel more unstable being around someone like that. Unless they have significant time clean and have actually been working on shit, but aside from that the persian guy sounds like a good bet. And being as though you're persian too I can't see what would go wrong. I always do better with italian folks just cause they share most of the same culture, same behavoir, same foods etc, always make things easier in the end. G/luck either way.
 
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