Well the feeling is back again I need to get high not on weed benzos or barbituates not on partial agonists the monkey is demanding smack and needles and hes getting a little pissed with my excuses. Man oh man if I could only go back in time things might have changed. I know what it means I know im gonna die if I go back but I really dont care whatever will happen will happen. The frustrating part is that I dont have the guts to pick a road and commit to it like if I wanna be junky I should pack up and head to Jersey you know do it fuckin right. If I want to stay n college and be an academic then I shouldnt feel like this. Its a mess im a mess I feel like im drowning in this shit. Whats really fucked up is that my life is good right now I am getting a free education got plenty of good pot enough benzos to keep me grounded a few friends loving parents makes me feel guilty for being so miserable. The thing is I know where my path lies its just nota pretty place. but its ok im pretty excited about dying alone.
it is normal to want to use once you are clean. and it is really easy to only remember the good times/feelings and want those back. the best thing i can suggest is to temporarily distract yourself. go for a walk, hang out with friends, see a movie or whatnot. if you do those sorts of things enough they will start to seem more normal and routine.
Hah this is exactly how I feel. I'm stuck between a promising future, and a life of injecting drugs into my veins, what a decision. Sometimes I feel that what I really need to do is save up enough money to get down to callifornia, far from any family, and just burn out on dope and crystal meth. Then I can finally admit defeat and move on with my life. If I still would have one at that point.
And I read this thing about opiate replacement therapy that drove me nuts the other day. Supposedly in some eastern European countries they're using extended release formula morphine as opiate replacement. Fuck, daily morphine?? I mean, I'm greatfull we even have suboxone/subutex, but shit, I think morphine would help my cravings a bit more...imagine the take homes!
And I read this thing about opiate replacement therapy that drove me nuts the other day. Supposedly in some eastern European countries they're using extended release formula morphine as opiate replacement. Fuck, daily morphine?? I mean, I'm greatfull we even have suboxone/subutex, but shit, I think morphine would help my cravings a bit more...imagine the take homes!
AC Thanks for the tips I think I am going to start working out. U am hoping getting bigger will improve my self confidence and stimulate some seretonin and endorphin production.
znegative- Man if I could have morphine or heroin maintenance I would be very happy subxone doesnt do shit for my cravings but methadone has too much bullshit involved with it. Oh well I cant relapse till I get back to my home town (I am currently away at college) its just driving me crazy thinking about shooting up. I keep having this fream where I am prepping a shot but something always happens to stop me from getting high like I spill the shot or whatever. Sucks
znegative- Man if I could have morphine or heroin maintenance I would be very happy subxone doesnt do shit for my cravings but methadone has too much bullshit involved with it. Oh well I cant relapse till I get back to my home town (I am currently away at college) its just driving me crazy thinking about shooting up. I keep having this fream where I am prepping a shot but something always happens to stop me from getting high like I spill the shot or whatever. Sucks