I hate it when I think about how I won't exist.

[JasNod]

Ever since I was really little and I realized that I wouldn't exist, the realization has been popping into my head. Every second that passes is gone forever and I'll never experience it again. All I have is memories and soon they'll be gone too. Death seems so close. It doesn't seem to matter of I die tomorrow or or in 50 years. Anyone I help is going to die too. Everything seems completely pointless. I'm sorry for being so depressing . I have this feeling that's so terrible. It's such a sad/scared/morbid/empty feeling. I'm really sorry for being so depressing. I don't think there's anything to do but wait for it to move back to just being subtly in the back of my thoughts. Can someone please try to make me feel better ?

 

[Beat Narrative]

death is unavoidable but life is what you make of it, so instead of dwelling on the inevitable try and make the time you have on this planet as worthwhile as possible

live a happy life and you have lived a successful life, you can't do much more than that

 

[blahman8000]

No need to apologize. I'm pretty sure I've been through exactly what you're describing. I kinda developed this obsession with death when I was around 12 years old, in 1999 when a bunch of people were telling me that the world would end with the whole Y2K thing. I started obsessing about it and thinking about death all the time, even afterward, and just began to feel like nothing means anything at all, as everything would end as if it hadn't happened in the first place. It's true that we're all going to die.

But now I think if anything, the fact that life is so short is what part of what gives it meaning. And aside from that, we make our own meaning. Every little thing that you do has an effect on the world around you, and thus the people around you. The way you spend your day tomorrow could have an enormous effect on somebody else's life, and you might never know it. The way you've lived your life has affected people in ways you'll never fully comprehend. And that cycle will carry on long after you've died. Death can be scary and dismal to think about, but it certainly poses no threat to how much meaning your life can have for you and for others. You can't let your obsession with death overcome your passion for life. It really seems like you need to find something your passionate about and invest yourself into it. Make your own meaning in life. That's how I overcame constant nihilistic thoughts and feelings like that. Things like love, friendship, human connection, passion came like a realization that there's more to life than the fact that it's temporary. If anything is scarier than death, it's the possibility of wasting life.

 

[webbykevin]

Where were you before you were born, do you have any scary memories of that experience ? there is nothing to worry about.

 

[RedLeader]

Everything seems completely pointless.

It is unfortunate that when we take this "everything is pointless" attitude, it works to kill the joys from the good things and the good times, but it does not seem to numb any of the bad stuff. Good isn't good anymore, bad is still just as bad.

It's probably best for you to get out of your own head. Sounds impossible, but if you stay as busy as possible then you won't have as much time to sit around and ponder the ultimate fate of everything. Regardless of whether it ultimately means anything, it's going to seem like it means something if I were to place you in a lion's pit, but it's also going to seem like it means something if I send you skydiving or put you in bed with your crush. So you need to stop thinking about things and start doing more stuff. It will automatically feel more real.

Are you using a lot of opiates? I get this way when I go too hard with them.

 

[Serotonin101]

Are you using a lot of opiates? I get this way when I go too hard with them.

I second this. When I abused heroin for years, life began to feel the way you described, I accepted death way to readily, I almost looked forward to it in a way. I've been evaluated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and morbid thoughts or feelings or impending doom CAN be a symptom related to ptsd. If you had any particular traumatic experiences happen it may be possible you developed PTSD. I only wish for you the best, keep pushing on. Life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey. =) mad love goes to you my friend.

 

[1394]

Can someone please try to make me feel better ?

Only you can make yourself feel better. Accepting your fate like that sounds very passive. I think you have underlying problems, or you are just very sensitive. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but it would help if you are more active.

Yes, everything is pointless, but that doesn't mean you can't impose something on it. Create the meaning yourself, that's what old Friedrich told me.

 

[cj]

No need to apologize. I'm pretty sure I've been through exactly what you're describing. I kinda developed this obsession with death when I was around 12 years old, in 1999 when a bunch of people were telling me that the world would end with the whole Y2K thing. I started obsessing about it and thinking about death all the time, even afterward, and just began to feel like nothing means anything at all, as everything would end as if it hadn't happened in the first place. It's true that we're all going to die.

But now I think if anything, the fact that life is so short is what part of what gives it meaning. And aside from that, we make our own meaning. Every little thing that you do has an effect on the world around you, and thus the people around you. The way you spend your day tomorrow could have an enormous effect on somebody else's life, and you might never know it. The way you've lived your life has affected people in ways you'll never fully comprehend. And that cycle will carry on long after you've died. Death can be scary and dismal to think about, but it certainly poses no threat to how much meaning your life can have for you and for others. You can't let your obsession with death overcome your passion for life. It really seems like you need to find something your passionate about and invest yourself into it. Make your own meaning in life. That's how I overcame constant nihilistic thoughts and feelings like that. Things like love, friendship, human connection, passion came like a realization that there's more to life than the fact that it's temporary. If anything is scarier than death, it's the possibility of wasting life.

+1 well said

 

[Dave]

Where were you before you were born, do you have any scary memories of that experience ? there is nothing to worry about.

Exactly this.

Also: everything is pointless in the large scale, yes. Which is why we need to create meaning for our own lives. Should the fact that any human life means as much in the grand scheme as the life of a particular deer be used as rationale for descending into blind hedonism, or worse: apathy? Of course not! Because, while we are (in one way of looking at it) cursed with both the ability and need to rationalize our behaviour, at the same time we are able to use that skill/curse to give our lives meaning within their own context. If nothing else, "to thine own self be true". If you can swing that, you're well on your way to a life well lived.

 

[xHippiexchildx]

I have these thoughts pretty often. You didn't exist for thousands of years.. but you didn't know anything until you were born. It happens that quick. Time doesn't exist for the dead.

 

[izzy66]

OP, what you choose to believe is up to you. my personal beliefs have changed totally after working as a nurse for 25+ yrs as well as losing my husband when i was 26. i have been present at many physical deaths, have subsequently had multiple profound experiences, and believe energy does not end; it changes.
i don't participate in organized religion but i have developed my own version of spiritual prayer and ritual.
please don't limit yourself and don't just accept one idea as The Way It Is, y'know?
research and read everything you can. open your mind to all possibilities and maybe your distressing thoughts will lessen or end.
best of luck to you
-izzy

 

[blight12]

This is an interesting topic. I recently discovered some amazing shit in terms of "whats next, whats after this pathetic existence". Do yourself a favor and Google "near death experiences" goto the first site and read the stories. It will blow your mind. After reading about what these people experienced, people of utterly different faiths beliefs etc. Its given me hope.

 

[Altered Perception]

Its somewhat funny how the same thing that depresses you is the same thing that gives me peace. I gues it all comes down to how much you enjoy your life and I hate mine so much I can't wait to stop existing

 

[jaurk]

This sounds like depression to me

Only you can make yourself feel better. Accepting your fate like that sounds very passive. I think you have underlying problems, or you are just very sensitive. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but it would help if you are more active.

Doesn't sound like an underlying problem, this sounds quite prevalent.
I think you should seek treatment, I'm sure this is a chemical imbalance in your head being triggered by something you may not know, or may have pushed your mind to not thinking about or forgetting.

You'll probably be put on some sort of SSRI.
Who knows, depends on what happens when you talk with your "shrink".

The whole "everything seems so pointless" sounds like common depression.
I've been through what you're feeling currently, for 2 years it lasted.
Felt so damn weird, and I even craved it once it left, what!

Feel free to argue/discuss with me anyone, I'm not too knowledgeable on this subject so there's a high chance I'm wrong.

 

[blight12]

This sounds like depression to me



Doesn't sound like an underlying problem, this sounds quite prevalent.
I think you should seek treatment, I'm sure this is a chemical imbalance in your head being triggered by something you may not know, or may have pushed your mind to not thinking about or forgetting.

You'll probably be put on some sort of SSRI.
Who knows, depends on what happens when you talk with your "shrink".

The whole "everything seems so pointless" sounds like common depression.
I've been through what you're feeling currently, for 2 years it lasted.
Felt so damn weird, and I even craved it once it left, what!

Feel free to argue/discuss with me anyone, I'm not too knowledgeable on this subject so there's a high chance I'm wrong.

Just one thing I know many people on this forum are loathe to go the treatment/SSRI route, i just however want to throw my 2c in here and say that for me getting on Paxil was a literal life saver for me, which isnt always the case, but i think if you are struggling, give it a shot, it could be exactly what you need...

 

[Libby]

Huh, I am really happy when I think about the fact that someday I won't exist.
I guess because when I was growing up my parents told me that I would someday be burning in hell fire, tortured and tormented by "the devil" for all eternity,
so when I learn't the truth that I simply won't exist anymore (as a sentient anyway, my body may continue to nourish soil or whatever after I'm gone) it was quite a relief.

Anyway if each moment of your existence is so precious to you that you are mourning the future end of your existance. Doesn't it make sense to spend these precious moments enjoying life, rather than feeling depressed? Don't waste these moments if they are so precious to you. Yup life is pretty meaningless, so I guess that means you don't have to worry so much about the responsibility you feel to change the world for the better, and may as well just get as much enjoyment out of it as possible?

 

[blight12]

Huh, I am really happy when I think about the fact that someday I won't exist.
I guess because when I was growing up my parents told me that I would someday be burning in hell fire, tortured and tormented by "the devil" for all eternity,
so when I learn't the truth that I simply won't exist anymore (as a sentient anyway, my body may continue to nourish soil or whatever after I'm gone) it was quite a relief.

How did you "learn the truth"? What was that defining moment when you realized hell didn't exist and we just cease to be. I'm not challenging you or anything like that, just really interested in what realization or information that you read or whatever did this for you? Thanks in advance.

 

[Libby]

Well Ok I guess I wasn't being entirely diplomatic when I said "the truth" as I'm sure many people here have different theories on this and I don't really want to get into a religious debate with anyone. Let's just say when I was a child I didn't know any better than whatever my parents told me, and as I got older and was able to think for myself and questioned the things they tried to teach me and discovered they didn't make sense and what does make sense to me is atheism, so that's what I decided was "true". And while some things may have nice to think that someone loved us and created us and had a plan for us and that we had purpose, other notions like women being the weeker sex, animals being put on earth for humans to use for their own gains, having to get married if you want to have sex, etc etc. are quite nice to not have to worry. It's nice to feel that my body and my life belong to me to govern as I choose and trying to be "good" by following my own conscience rather than some old fashioned rules written in a book, or living in fear of angering a vengeful god and that I wont burn in hell for being who I am. Feels good Was just trying to show the OP another way of looking at what scares him/her, a way of looking at it where it isn't scary, thought it may have been comforting that maybe not existing isn't so bad, after all you cannot suffer if you don't exist. *shrug*

 

[blight12]

Ok cool i hear you, i thought maybe there was something specific that you read that was the "ah ha!" moment for you, was just interested in what that might have been if that was the case. I must say that not believing in something "greater" seems really depressing to me. Without anything "more", life seems absolutely pointless.

 

[Libby]

Well if I remember correctly, as a little girl I think the first thing that didn't make sense to me about my parents religion, that could have been an "ah ha I don't share the same beliefs as my parents" moment was: If God operates heaven right, why would he set up his own son to be murdered so people can get into heaven? It's his place, he could just say "No cover charge". Pretty cruel really, and why should I worship someone I think is cruel? Since you asked, but I shouldn't hijack this thread for such a debate. This thread is about the OP asking for help for depression and thats more important. Maybe you could PM me instead if you want to continue this