i hate being crazy

[mrflowers00]

i go from happy/euphoric to sad/depressed to angry/raging in the drop of a hat but most the time i'm a mix of angry depressed and it saddens me to hate everything and almost everyone theres very little in my life i enjoy anymore be it past times or friends or even most of my family it's tearing me apart i want to like things and people but it's so hard idk i guess i'm just ranting i don't expect anyone to give two shits about my problems

 

[mrflowers00]

i having a very shitty night can't wait for my zyprexa to kick in to knock me out see if things are better tomorrow

 

[T. Calderone]

I had a shitty day that turned into a worse shitty night too. Does the zyprexa help you sleep? I'm contemplating taking the risperdal but it keeps me awake and makes my blood pressure go high. I already have a headache and just want to sleep but can't. My dad started shouting at me for buying the wrong size fries earlier and it all went downhill from there. So I'm on a rant as well, don't mind me.

 

[HCandKROD]

I'm only guessing, so indulge me. You are a male between 19 and 24 y/o? If you are this is a normal feeling in life. I'm 48 y/o now but I remember these days and I wouldn't go back to them. If I'm wrong and you are older than 25 then you should really speak to a mental health professional. Many people will disagree with me but I think if you are in the age range I described then these are normal emotions. Please remember things will always get better with time. Good luck brother.

 

[HCandKROD]

I had a shitty day that turned into a worse shitty night too. Does the zyprexa help you sleep? I'm contemplating taking the risperdal but it keeps me awake and makes my blood pressure go high. I already have a headache and just want to sleep but can't. My dad started shouting at me for buying the wrong size fries earlier and it all went downhill from there. So I'm on a rant as well, don't mind me.

Jeez T, I'm sorry you had that crappy of a night. If anyone shouts at you for whatever reason except an emergency try to look and see they have a problem. I hope everything is peaceful for you.

 

[chrisalt]

i go from happy/euphoric to sad/depressed to angry/raging in the drop of a hat but most the time i'm a mix of angry depressed and it saddens me to hate everything and almost everyone theres very little in my life i enjoy anymore be it past times or friends or even most of my family it's tearing me apart i want to like things and people but it's so hard idk i guess i'm just ranting i don't expect anyone to give two shits about my problems

Dude to feel so alone. I am the exact same way. The only difference is i would take a bullet for my 4 family members and 1 other friend. Everyone else can fuck themselves because them screw me without remorse or guilt and also i go from depressed to happy really roller coaster like to. Its awful.

 

[mrflowers00]

i got a great nights sleep and i'm not hearing voices for like the first time in weeks my anxiety is lower than normal and i'm not too depressed so i guess i'm saying i'm happy ugh weird when this happens

 

[Jean-Paul]

i'm a lot easier to predict than a "crazy person" should be. turns out i just need good people to not scapegoat my every emotion into being the problem.

 

[Furry mouth]

i go from happy/euphoric to sad/depressed to angry/raging in the drop of a hat but most the time i'm a mix of angry depressed and it saddens me to hate everything and almost everyone theres very little in my life i enjoy anymore be it past times or friends or even most of my family it's tearing me apart i want to like things and people but it's so hard idk i guess i'm just ranting

Well I know, and I care otherwise I wouldn't have taken time to post this. Remember the shit that goes on in the 'real world' isn't 'real'. This is what is real, people talking about how they genuinely feel and btw I can totally identify with how you feel it's such an epic battle esp. When you wanna tell the rest of stable world to go fuck themselves.

See I'm constantly at war in my bloody brain.

Mind yourself


Ps Nobody understands what's its like unless they suffer from it themselves. Like last night we went to the movies and these fuckwits were jibber jabbering their way through the entire movie and I was like WTF! I wanted to get up and scream, instead I fantasised about what Michael Douglas did in Falling Down, it helped but I was still like a loose canon inside.
Argh

 

[BlueHues]

I just recently admitted to myself that I might be a little unbalanced! I don't know if it's worse to be crazy and not know it, or know it and always question yourself. I've been questioning the shit out of myself these last3-4 months and it sucks, the anxiety. Before that, I was just goin with it, FTW! lol

 

[Furry mouth]

I think it's better to know, but that's my own experience.8)

 

[cornerstone430]

Im pretty much labled indifferentiated schizophrenic and take four meds. Though melatonin lately mixed with ambien has been helping me sleep alot better lately and get to dream more often.
lamictol is good for mood management.

 

[MzAnthroP]

I'm only guessing, so indulge me. You are a male between 19 and 24 y/o? If you are this is a normal feeling in life. I'm 48 y/o now but I remember these days and I wouldn't go back to them. If I'm wrong and you are older than 25 then you should really speak to a mental health professional. Many people will disagree with me but I think if you are in the age range I described then these are normal emotions. Please remember things will always get better with time. Good luck brother.

+1.

Also, OP, this is the third thread of yours I've replied to on this forum in as many days. I think it is wonderful that you're reaching out like this, and that our replies are a good indication that people do in fact care. I just think it is also getting to be time to take some action. You can and should vent as much as you like, but at the end of the day posting on a message board is not going to change your situation. Trust me, if there were some magic formula to getting through this mystery of life, we'd supply you with it. Unfortunately though you are going to have to cut your own path through the woods. It is going to take a lot of time and effort but it is attainable if you create and keep some forward momentum. Please give a little thought to this, but more importantly do something to change your situation if you're so depressed and lonely. You can make it through this.

 

[mrflowers00]

i wish there was something i could do about being psychotic but it just doesn't work that way

 

[squidhead]

I'm 58 yrs old & have been out-of-my-mind for about 45 yrs now. Doctors have had me on just about every anti-depressant out there...& I'd still like to jam my SOG knife into someone's throat. Imho, most people are idiots & we should be thinning out the herd with weapons of mass-destruction.

At least that's what goes thru my noggin on a regular basis. 8(

 

[mrflowers00]

^this this is what i'm thinking

 

[xxsicknessxx]

if your really crazy and your sure...
I have on bit of advise.

Faking it works. You can fake it and look happy and normal... people will fall for it. It sucks but if your unhappy anyways might well pretend like your happy.. why not?

Sounds like lame advise but its not... being crazy is horrible.. normal people don't understand. But might well act like your happy to fit in. It will make your life more easy if you listen to me.

 

[izzy66]

mr flowers, i spent a lot of the '90s decade crazy, aware that people knew i'd really lost it, mood swinging constantly, babbling incessantly or totally silent, meds, meds, more meds, and a horrible year or more during which i constantly hoped lightning would hit me and put an end to the horror my existence had become.

there wasn't any big epiphany or one particular event that "fixed" a lot of what was fucked up in my head. i don't know any secrets and i'm not mary fuckin' sunshine by any stretch of imagination but life is a whole different in positive ways now.
i did intentionally change a few negative things and although i pissed off a couple people, i'm much healthier mentally w/out their negative crap around me.
more than anything, i really tried to focus on altering my point of view from "the glass is half-empty" to a "half-full" p.o.v.

the hardest work you'll ever do is to "get down w/ yer bad self" and sort out what matters for the future and what's best left in the past. but you can work through the crazy shit and do ok most of the time.
i have my days, sometimes weeks of crazy, but it doesn't take over now.
best of luck to you, mr flowers, and i'll be sending positive vibes out for you, for what it's worth...
-izzy

 

[squidhead]

if your really crazy and your sure...
I have on bit of advise.

Faking it works. You can fake it and look happy and normal... people will fall for it. It sucks but if your unhappy anyways might well pretend like your happy.. why not?

Sounds like lame advise but its not... being crazy is horrible.. normal people don't understand. But might well act like your happy to fit in. It will make your life more easy if you listen to me.

/\/\/\/\This is 100% true!! I thoroughly agree with this here./\/\/\/\

mr flowers, i spent a lot of the '90s decade crazy, aware that people knew i'd really lost it, mood swinging constantly, babbling incessantly or totally silent, meds, meds, more meds, and a horrible year or more during which i constantly hoped lightning would hit me and put an end to the horror my existence had become.

there wasn't any big epiphany or one particular event that "fixed" a lot of what was fucked up in my head. i don't know any secrets and i'm not mary fuckin' sunshine by any stretch of imagination but life is a whole different in positive ways now.
i did intentionally change a few negative things and although i pissed off a couple people, i'm much healthier mentally w/out their negative crap around me.
more than anything, i really tried to focus on altering my point of view from "the glass is half-empty" to a "half-full" p.o.v.

the hardest work you'll ever do is to "get down w/ yer bad self" and sort out what matters for the future and what's best left in the past. but you can work through the crazy shit and do ok most of the time.
i have my days, sometimes weeks of crazy, but it doesn't take over now.
best of luck to you, mr flowers, and i'll be sending positive vibes out for you, for what it's worth...
-izzy

Excellent thoughts!! People make more sense in The Dark Side than other subject lines. We may be crazy...doesn't mean we're stupid.

 

[Perplexity]

I hear you .. haven't found a solution yet but I definitely can relate.

For me, drugs caused me to become weird, especially becoming comfortable doing them alone.

People piss me off - not to the point of violence or jealousy, but enough to stay away from them and self-medicate alone. I know this needs to change otherwise I'm in for a dark life, which I definitely want to avoid. I plan on quitting all drugs when & if I still have the chance. I need something dramatic in my life to change.