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I Had Forgotten

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
I had forgotten what's it like to know you.
Forgot the sound of your voice at 2 in the morning,
Forgot the way your words always melded into meaning.
Memory has changed my rememberances of you in ways,
But all it took was getting past that first difficult call
After so many years
To bring back all the past in a rush.

You told me that I come and go in your life at the worst possible times
And that's how it's always been.
I come into your life after you've convinced yourself that you hate me,
After you force yourself to forget the image of me, fast asleep on your shoulder.
I come into your life when the damage has been done,
And I ask you how to fix it.

In the past, I've gone in your life after one perfect day,
With no explanation, no note, no apology.
I've gone when you needed me most
I panicked, realizing what I could finally have, after all that time,
And ran away with your heart.

I've come into your life, into your city, hoping to find you,
But finding only emptiness.
I came expecting you to fall in love with me over a cup of coffee,
After one look into each other's eyes,
Knowing that words have already spelled everything out.
I came, and I went. With only tears.

That's a summary of the game we've played over the years.
Almost a decade of loving and hating each other,
I know that I think this time will be different - because I'm the optimistic one,
And I know you probably think deep down, that this time will be like all the rest,
Because you're the realistic one.
Whatever happens, I hope it leads us to somewhere different this time.

You're with a girl who is making you happy,
And i'm trying to figure out who I am, on my own, in a strange world.
All that's to be had is the continuation of what was once a powerful connection,
A look between friends that can continue between distance and time,
Because it had to.

Wherever you are tonight, my friend, you're on my mind.
 
its beautiful, and yet truly sad... i'm not sure i can be an optomist after reading it, so maybe its just a guy thing you gotta get around... that's me being as optomistic as i can be. i hope you can find a relationship with him that makes you both happy.
 
I love it E-girl...... beautiful.

I'm sure there are many people out there feeling exactly the same way.... :(
 
You are one of the few people left in the world who open their heart and admit where they are in life. Your honesty is intoxicating and, as always, inspiring.
 
Difficult things to write. Difficult memories to explore. I commend you, because you do it. We sometimes need someone to tell us to stop focusing on all that mess and find something beautiful to go jump off a mountian with. Maybe that something will carry us on the wind and we'll glide serenly back down to earth, this time with our heads clear? Maybe that something will weight us down and we won't fly, but damnit -- we'll be falling!

Climb the mountian then jump off it. Write the story. Tell us what it's like. Thank you.

Pyro
P.S. don't forget to test and clean your pills!
 
Tim -

i'll let you know when i get to the top of the mountain...

ps. i dont do any of that anymore, so no need to worry. Did enough of that to last me a lifetime. I just don't want to change my name. ;)

PyroFromTheCenter said:
Difficult things to write. Difficult memories to explore. I commend you, because you do it. We sometimes need someone to tell us to stop focusing on all that mess and find something beautiful to go jump off a mountian with. Maybe that something will carry us on the wind and we'll glide serenly back down to earth, this time with our heads clear? Maybe that something will weight us down and we won't fly, but damnit -- we'll be falling!

Climb the mountian then jump off it. Write the story. Tell us what it's like. Thank you.

Pyro
P.S. don't forget to test and clean your pills!
 
her name was lucy and it's been 11 years now. the thought pattern you described so perfectly has been on repeat about her the whole time...
we tried 4 times and 4 times we failed. but i am the optimistic one and i never rule out anything.

ya just never know, right?

may you find that self you seek...
 
jameslovesyou said:
ya just never know, right?

no.... you don't.

btw, i got your email, and i will write you back when i have a chance, either tonight or tomorrow. =D
 
E-girl said:
i'll let you know when i get to the top of the mountain...

ps. i dont do any of that anymore, so no need to worry. Did enough of that to last me a lifetime. I just don't want to change my name. ;)

The path to the top isn't to dig in and climb, it's to let go. Look to what's ahead and let go of what's behind.

I just recently gave up my last chem. -- caffiene.
I think everyone got really amazed by mdma and we were launched at the same time into a very weird sky with nothing to grab on to but clouds. Too many chems, too little maturity. At least, that was my story. Still, MDMA holds a mystery in my mind, because no other memory of a chemical still speaks to me today, but that one does.

Yet, I'm a realist. People need a certian level of maturity to really understand and grasp the profundity of the experience. In many ways, what I found while on MDMA led me to sit and learn from Christ. I realized, not that He wanted me to take MDMA, but that deep within my soul and spirit I agree with loving God and loving my neighbor. I looked in to other faiths, and found that Christ is the only one who centralized around love.

Hmm... dont' know why I just got in to that... I'm just revealing, exposing.

Pyro -- Tim
 
UAN is right: you have a rare honesty.

This stanza is beautiful:

I've come into your life, into your city, hoping to find you,
But finding only emptiness.
I came expecting you to fall in love with me over a cup of coffee,
After one look into each other's eyes,
Knowing that words have already spelled everything out.
I came, and I went. With only tears.

And I feel like I've heard the last line a million times before, but somehow you gave it so much weight and feeling. :)
 
Im so so happy i looked here on Words after so long, to find you posting again! Beautiful writing as always, im now once again hooked to words to read yours :) Stay optimistic beautiful lady and always follow your heart. xo
 
OM fucking G! AMY!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is like, the first time I logged in in MONTHS.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAMN GIRL!!
It's good to read your words.

You are almost giving me inspiration to write and post again!
 
iLoveYouWithaKnife: just about everyone else has popped out of the woodwork recently, so why not? :)
 
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