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I fucked up.

w0w0mg

w0w0mg

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 4, 2015
Messages
848
Location
In Jail, NC
Well... I don't know what happened. I was given 12 oxycodone 20 mg. I just caved in and have been insufflating them all day. I have so far done 8 of them. I can't believe this. I am a failure. I always will be. I can't tell anyone because I will get kicked out of my apartment if my roommates found out. I'm too scared to tell my sponsor. I hate my fucking life. I can't do this anymore.
 
Hang in there man, many of us are struggling. I know you have been battling addiction for quite some time, I also am currently failing as I keep screwing up and making bad decisions and some times I have no idea why I do the things that I do. I know shit is bad for me and will set me back yet I always say fuck it and consume whatever substance. I have gone back and forth so many times I don't even know if I will ever get straight. Maybe I am destined to be on the losing end? All I can say is try to think positive and be strong but I know how tough it is.
 
Relax my friend. We all slip up sometimes. If no one knows as of now, throw that shit out and look at doing so as a success. I cant say what to do with your sponsor but surely your roomates dont need to know so you become homeless.

Dude, Ive been battling oxy for 20 years. Im mostly off now but even though it has cost me at various times money, jobs, and most recently my marriage, I still cave and chip now and again in times of supposed abstinence. I just force myself to know its not who I am, but something I do and I can at least set my head straight. Keep fighting.
 
Thank you for the responses. I do not plan to do anymore once I run out. I don't know what to do.
 
Just start fresh tomorrow. Being clean for X days is just something we do to make us feel like we accomplished something. Doesnt mean shit. Whatever therapy, help, meeting you were doing, keep doing it. One night doesnt ruin everything. But dont get kicked out. If roomates at all suspicious, flush it. Battling this shit while not knowing where you will sleep doesnt help at all.
 
i know this sounds corny but it's so true. today IS really the first day of the rest of your life! pick yourself up, get over it and start again. good luck and (((hugs)))
 
To quote an old adage, tomorrow is another day. Don't beat yourself up too bad. None of us is perfect, and convincing a brain that is habituated to opiates that not snorting oxy is a good idea is nigh on impossible if it's sat right in front of you. I'm sure I'd cave. I guess in future try not put yourself in the same room as the stuff. I'm finding staying clean a mission, but infinitely easier now there's no other fellow junkies in my life.

Edit - Convincing an opiate habituated brain that snorting oxy is a bad idea is nigh on impossible. That's better, that was a weird sentence.
 
Will echo Kittycat5's sentiments. Don't beat yourself up - that'll just make you feel worse and want to use more.

Just accept you slipped up and start again. It's not about how many times you fall over it's about how many times you pick yourself up again.

You're not obliged to tell anyone, it's up to you. But don't feel ashamed about it, we're human, it happens :)
 
Thanks Muzda Jonxx.
I am feeling better but I have been taking extra doses of my gabapentin.
I need to slow my roll on it so I do not get a tolerance.
The only thing that's bothering me is anxiety.
Other than that I'm okay.
Yeah, I had 11 roxicodones went thru it in about 3 days - 3rd day was only one in the morning (last one).
It's been about 2 days, going on 3 and I'm sure I will be back to normal soon.
 
w0w0mg -

I have been following along and have read most of your posts. All in all you are doing SO good! I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but look at where you came from. Maybe even go back and read some of those posts? Because it is all pretty impressive.

You are very strong and will get through this. Were you able to look back on the situation (the one where you happened upon the opiates) and figure out what to do the next time something like this happens? do you have someone you can trust that you can give them to - maybe tell yourself "I won't do it today" (it's too hard to just flush them...so put it off!) and pass them off to someone ASAP?

At least then you get some relief from having them right there sucking all of the fucking air out of the room and making it hard to rationally consider anything else - at least that's what it's like if they are here and not in my system in one form or another. Then you can seriously consider what you want to do and what you should do. That might change the outcome next time. Just an idea.

I am pulling for you. Please hang in there and kept going - your an inspiration to people like me. Im still in that deep, dark, hole - knowing that I will have to climb my ass out in approximately 60 days. You are so far out of that hole that I would trade pretty much anything I own to be where you are. But that's not how this crap works, is it?

- VE
 
I don't know how I missed this thread but I am just seeing this now. This happens, don't beat yourself up. You've been doing great lately - you've come so far. This is merely one set back after so many steps forward - you are in a much better place than you were. Stay focused and don't get discouraged. You know what you have to to do. Stay strong!
 
w0w0mg said:
Well... I don't know what happened. I was given 12 oxycodone 20 mg. I just caved in and have been insufflating them all day. I have so far done 8 of them. I can't believe this. I am a failure. I always will be. I can't tell anyone because I will get kicked out of my apartment if my roommates found out. I'm too scared to tell my sponsor. I hate my fucking life. I can't do this anymore.
Click to expand...

We are all failures much of the time. Remember you are part of a huge club so don't be so hard on yourself. Much love and best of luck bro.
 
w0w0mg said:
Thanks Muzda Jonxx.
I am feeling better but I have been taking extra doses of my gabapentin.
I need to slow my roll on it so I do not get a tolerance.
The only thing that's bothering me is anxiety.
Other than that I'm okay.
Yeah, I had 11 roxicodones went thru it in about 3 days - 3rd day was only one in the morning (last one).
It's been about 2 days, going on 3 and I'm sure I will be back to normal soon.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't worry about hammering the gabapentin if it's doing the trick. I'm one of the very very lucky ones who barely suffers wd from that or pregs, even after long term use. But obviously don't run out if that isn't the case for you. :)
 
Hey bud, just wanted to stop in and show support for you. Can't stress how awesome and encouraging your strides of progress have been to myself and the rest of the community. This is a great opportunity to demonstrate your resolve once more and dust yourself off and move on. We've been tackling this detox demon for about the same time frame. I, like you, am so different than where I started 9 months ago. Instead of me having glimpses of sobriety off the opiates, I have glimpses of the old me where I've slipped up. I think it's only fair to oneself to recognize the shift in paradigm, and give credit to yourself for all the blood, sweat, and tears that it took to accomplish said feat.

I am sooooo hard on myself when I have a slip. My body makes me pay dearly for it as well. I have no doubt that the same thing is affecting you. Get a few days back, then a week, and so on.
 
Thanks everyone for the support!
Yes - I do need to just remind myself, it's all just a process.
I made a minor slip up. No worries.
I'm feeling better.
I just have some anxiety and that's it.
I can not dwell on minor mistakes, just move forward.

I just hate these nasty cravings, It's all I think about sometimes.
I keep my mind busy with endless videos, and what-not.

I need to start doing more productive things, I'm sort of just skimming.
 
w0w0mg said:
Thanks everyone for the support!
Yes - I do need to just remind myself, it's all just a process.
I made a minor slip up. No worries.
I'm feeling better.
I just have some anxiety and that's it.
I can not dwell on minor mistakes, just move forward.

I just hate these nasty cravings, It's all I think about sometimes.
I keep my mind busy with endless videos, and what-not.

I need to start doing more productive things, I'm sort of just skimming.
Click to expand...
I turn into a gardening dervish when the cravings hit. I found it entirely dull at first, but now I'm getting into it. Plus there's the added bonus that my garden is actually starting to look sort of good.

Anyway - something like that works for me because it's simple, captivates the attention and gets me outside. I'd sit on my arse and stare at my phone otherwise, which really doesn't help cravings.
 
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