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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I fucked up

Eyes On the Roll

Eyes On the Roll

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
Messages
692
Location
Heaven
It's been 4 months since I quit oxy. Been on probation for about 3 months. My preferred method of ingesting oxy was snorting and vaporization. Idk what happened. These past 4 months have been so easy, no cravings, nothing. Last night I was just bored, I honestly don't know what I was thinking, it was like I was in a dream or a trance, extremely dissociated not really thinking anything. I'd shot oxy before just to try it.. but that was a while ago. Last night I Iv'd 60mgs of oxycodone mixed with a little bit of cocaine.

I don't know why. I blew it.
 
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Sometimes relapses happen.
Don't let one slip be an excuse to give in again.
Sounds like you worked hard for your sobriety for 4 months- keep that in mind and don't beat yourself up over it.
Let it be a reminder of what you worked for and keep moving forward without using <3
 
I know few people who havn't relapsed. Don't beat yourself up. You have done well with not using. Try to put this behind you and move on.
 
Fucking up is just another part of life dude.
Try remember that it's not the end of the world.
4 months clean is a really solid amount of time without using, so dont let this incident bring you down.
You have recognized the error you have made, now focus on straightening things out again :)
 
If you were able to go 4 months without cravings, there's no reason to believe you'll be sucked back in again. As everyone said, relapses happen, to almost everyone really. Nothing to be ashamed of, and no reason to blame yourself. You're only human.
 
Na I won't get in trouble for it.
It's not like cause I did that, that I'm automatically addicted again. That was like what, 2 nights ago.
If I was using daily again, that'd be a different story, cause then it would have complete control over me again.
It just blows that I blew my streak.
I'm not mad at myself or disappointed or anything, I'm just mad that the time that I've been away from the pills gets reset back to zero, after being 4 months without em.
 
Clean time may be reset to 0 but all the things you learned thaf kept you clean for that time arent gone. Go back to doing what kept you clean and keep at it. Its about progress not perfection my friend. I still love ya buddy :)
 
It's not too late to let this be a mistake that doesn't spiral into using all the time. You are the one who can choose not to let that happen.

Also, if you don't make a strong decision not to go down that road now stopping again will be harder later.
 
All you can do is stand back up again, and take what you can from this experience. Remember the feeling you got when you decided to use again, recognize it and be prepared to face it again. 4 months clean is great, and I have faith that you can do it again. I'd hate to see you go down the road of daily use again.
 
Eyes On the Roll said:
Na I won't get in trouble for it.
It's not like cause I did that, that I'm automatically addicted again. That was like what, 2 nights ago.
If I was using daily again, that'd be a different story, cause then it would have complete control over me again.
It just blows that I blew my streak.
I'm not mad at myself or disappointed or anything, I'm just mad that the time that I've been away from the pills gets reset back to zero, after being 4 months without em.
Click to expand...

Try not to look at it that your clean time has been reset to zero again. Try to look at it like yeah I've done well I have only used once in the last 4 months.
That's a lot better than what you were using before. Just put this one incident behind you and carry on with your great work.
 
next time make sure you think before you act... once in a accident twice is on purpous
 
Thanks sickness.
Yea it sucks that I can't say I've been 4 months clean anymore.. but at the same time, I've been using oxy for the past 4 years and I only became addicted in the past year. It was hard for me to become addicted. It's going to be extremely hard for me to become addicted again, after all the I've learned. I'm not worried about becoming addicted again, because I won't. I'm a control freak. I dissociated myself from my father because he tried to have constant control over my life. I dissociated myself from oxy because it had constant control over my life, and i didn't. I still talk to my dad every few months or so.. but I know that if I et him back in completely, he will grasp everything. So will oxy.
 
I find that counting clean time, especially that early in, only makes it harder on yourself if you DO fuck up. Instead judge everything on how your life is, how much it has imporved, etc. Not how many days or months you have off the stuff. Because if youre off the drugs but your life hasn't improved, whats the difference?

If you can list all the things that have gotten better, all the improvements, and sit down and go "wow, I'm so much better off, this is awesome. I'm so happy and so lucky, almost blessed. This is what I want", that will keep you going a lotttttt better than sitting down and saying "ONLY 3 months? Sheesh."
 
Sorry to hear that.

You only can provide for the future now.

Try deleting all connections to the drug so that you have buffers against using. That might mean not going to bluelight.
 
maxalfie said:
Try not to look at it that your clean time has been reset to zero again. Try to look at it like yeah I've done well I have only used once in the last 4 months.
That's a lot better than what you were using before. Just put this one incident behind you and carry on with your great work.
Click to expand...

Yeah, EoTR when you think about your recent time when you used and how long ago it was also think about how long ago the time before that was (4 months) and then how long ago the time before that was (a lot shorter than 4 months I bet). Hopefully you are over your initial disappointment in yourself now and are thinking positively agin?
 
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