As the title says, i fucked up really bad. In the last days i got expelled from my boarding school and i have to live in another place than my home. The reason of my expulsion was my abusive amphetamine use. Since the begining of the year, i have been on amphs pretty much everyday. Mainly in pills, which i sometimes crushed up and snorted. I dont like snorting pills and i have snorted speed in powder form, which is pretty difficult to get where i am now,pills are more popular. And they last longer. I was also smoking weed all day, doing mdma on a weekly basis and did ketamine and percocets more than needed too.
The school never found any evidence of me possessing drugs or being high,but i got snitched for it and that i suposedly did threats and they basically kicked me the fuck out. Now im only 16 and i lost my money, almost all my old friends and most importantly, my mind. Basically my only chance of coming back would be going to detox and showing im clean. The problem is have been sober for 2 days now and every part of my brain wants drugs. Just get high. Anything. And i know i wont be able to abstain forever. Atleast i can smoke cigarettes alot, that obviously helps because withdrawing from that would be really horrible. I get visual hallucinations like objets changing shapes and size,paranoia and anxiety. My ocd got really worst too.
I would like to have any help on what could i do to make my brain understand that i have to be clean for a long time...at least until the 4:20. Im really scared i fucked myself up for real. Never in my life i have been so depressed and i ate alot of shit actually. Now sometimes i lose feeling of some parts of my body and have heartaches in random moments.
Anothere thing, last week i double dropped pretty potent speed pills, then smoked a shitloadf of weed and went back to school. I was really high and there was a dance organised by the school and there was a strobe light and trance music. I wanted to be more fucked up so i drank alot of vodka. I had a veryh fast heartrate and arythmia afterwards. For days. And its since then that the physical symptoms are worst. I dont know if someone has been in the same boat or that has helpful ideas, share your experinces....i really wanna get back to normal. 
The school never found any evidence of me possessing drugs or being high,but i got snitched for it and that i suposedly did threats and they basically kicked me the fuck out. Now im only 16 and i lost my money, almost all my old friends and most importantly, my mind. Basically my only chance of coming back would be going to detox and showing im clean. The problem is have been sober for 2 days now and every part of my brain wants drugs. Just get high. Anything. And i know i wont be able to abstain forever. Atleast i can smoke cigarettes alot, that obviously helps because withdrawing from that would be really horrible. I get visual hallucinations like objets changing shapes and size,paranoia and anxiety. My ocd got really worst too.
I would like to have any help on what could i do to make my brain understand that i have to be clean for a long time...at least until the 4:20. Im really scared i fucked myself up for real. Never in my life i have been so depressed and i ate alot of shit actually. Now sometimes i lose feeling of some parts of my body and have heartaches in random moments.

