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I found out who raped me

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There was a story I read about a girl who was raped when she was 17. She never told her dad, never told the cops. She only told her boyfriend (who was friends with the guy who raped her) and left it at that. A year later, that same guy who raped her murdered his own daughter and framed it as a suicide. The guy was never even considered a suspect by the police because he had no history of violence against women. Accusations can make a difference even if it's not right away and even if he doesn't go to jail for the crime against you.
I coulda swore I read somewhere here that she thought reporting it was a good idea, but she still wants justice.

And yeah that story was from Jenna Jameson's biography, but still. It happened.
lol


If you see a poster with the picture of a guy's face that says "I'M A RAPIST", you're telling me you think people would take that seriously? I'd just think he had asshole friends trying to embarrass him or a crazy ex, and I can't be the only one who thinks like that.
I would consider that, but I wouldn't assume that.

Also, I don't want to quote a bunch of shit about the meaning of karma and get even more off topic, but let's just say that karma comes from the idea that a God or supreme being makes things right with the world.
If something happens from posting flyers, whose will is that? You just said "I'd assume it's a crazy ex". If anything does happen to him, I'd call that karma...

Hell of a motive to print out a bunch of flyers to embarrass somebody. I mean, they could say so many things. Photoshop a picture with a tiny dick or something. Why a standard picture of him, saying "RAPIST" underneath. I wouldn't assume anything, but I'd sure as fuck think twice about going on a date with homeboy if I saw that and I was a girl he knew.
 
Pagey said:
Effuzion I do get your point. Maybe it was a bad idea for me to make this thread because I'm just not able to hear people suggest I'm overreacting, or that I need to forget about it and let him go on with his life. Maybe it just happened too recently for me to be ready to hear that stuff and it's my fault for making this thread. But those types of posts are making me incredibly upset right now so I'm just going to stop this debate with you. Thanks for your advice.

I never said you were overreacting. I think wanting to kill someone who raped you is probably normal. Also don't think you should "just forget about it" because it's obviously not that easy. Just saying what you need to hear because if no one else is telling you this then you're getting some shitty advice.
 
Okay, just answer this:
If you had been raped, remembered every second of it, hadn't been able to sleep properly since and could barely leave your home for months afterwards, were living with the recollection on your own because you didn't know why, but you were afraid of telling others, felt like you had been ruined, broken, and would never be the same, literally jumped at any sort of physical contact since...you think you'd be able to simply HOPE that one day he'd get the justice he deserved?

Of course we all seek justice. You've suffered greatly and deserve your retribution. Really hope you pursue this and get somewhere with it. He's a dangerous person.

But the guy is probably a bit 8( in the head. Trying to get revenge might be a waste of your time, and won't achieve much towards a person who has no care... Revenge won't induce any remorse from him.
 
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It's not really remorse that I'd be aiming for (as you said, he's sick so I don't expect him to feel bad abotu what he did), more just ostracizing him from everyone and thus making him miserable or, at the very least, less happy :\
 
It's not really remorse that I'd be aiming for (as you said, he's sick so I don't expect him to feel bad abotu what he did), more just ostracizing him from everyone and thus making him miserable or, at the very least, less happy :\

Well, if someone is to rape a woman they must have an extremely miserable existance as it is, surely? Or just be plain mentally ill? Severe psychological issues?

I hope you find a resolution to your problem, I really do, but like Drunkard said... I don't think revenge will quite achieve that.
 
I'm sure he's completely fucked up mentally but that doesn't mean he's miserable, no.

All I will say is don't fight evil, with evil. It's like fighting fire with fire. Now can Drunkard finish this one off (I'm on the booze again.... it's a drug forum remember ;):)
 
All I will say is don't fight evil, with evil. It's like fighting fire with fire. Now can Drunkard finish this one off (I'm on the booze again.... it's a drug forum remember ;):)

All I have to say here is...I agree...however... is warning the public about an unregistered sex offender evil? i personally don't think so. sex offenders deserve to be outed. it's a public service!
 
Well, if someone is to rape a woman they must have an extremely miserable existance as it is, surely? Or just be plain mentally ill? Severe psychological issues?

I hope you find a resolution to your problem, I really do, but like Drunkard said... I don't think revenge will quite achieve that.

Severe Sexual Sadism would be what they call it. I'm not sure which traits sexual sadists who inflict their desires on unconsenting victims share in common, or what the pattern of commorbidity is, but their desire to do what they do is borne out of their desire to inflict pain on others in a sexual manner, and they can't get off on inflicting this pain if the victim is willing or stands to enjoy it.
 
Okay, just answer this:
If you had been raped, remembered every second of it, hadn't been able to sleep properly since and could barely leave your home for months afterwards, were living with the recollection on your own because you didn't know why, but you were afraid of telling others, felt like you had been ruined, broken, and would never be the same, literally jumped at any sort of physical contact since...you think you'd be able to simply HOPE that one day he'd get the justice he deserved?

This thread bothers me a bit because it has turned into you trying to justify your thoughts and feelings to others who are distant from the situation. You are entitled to think and feel however you want about this. You could hope for him to get brutally murdered and it would be ok, because that is an aspect of anger. So is revenge. If you decide to forgive him some day, then ok, that's your choice. Don't let people tell you how you should feel. There are people here even saying "stop blaming yourself"... no, you don't even have to do that. You don't have to let go of anything you aren't ready to let go of. If right now your focus is on justice or simple revenge, then be with that!

Do what you need to do. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I sincerely believe that karma evens the playing field eventually. For someone to rape another sentient being, they themselves have to be in a pretty messed up state. Even if the law doesn't catch up to him, something else will. He can't just carry that energy around in his being without some kind of comeuppance.
 
This thread bothers me a bit because it has turned into you trying to justify your thoughts and feelings to others who are distant from the situation. You are entitled to think and feel however you want about this. You could hope for him to get brutally murdered and it would be ok, because that is an aspect of anger. So is revenge. If you decide to forgive him some day, then ok, that's your choice. Don't let people tell you how you should feel. There are people here even saying "stop blaming yourself"... no, you don't even have to do that. You don't have to let go of anything you aren't ready to let go of. If right now your focus is on justice or simple revenge, then be with that!

Do what you need to do. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I sincerely believe that karma evens the playing field eventually. For someone to rape another sentient being, they themselves have to be in a pretty messed up state. Even if the law doesn't catch up to him, something else will. He can't just carry that energy around in his being without some kind of comeuppance.


Outstanding post.


The only aspect of it that I disagree with is the karma aspect. I know, on a personal level, of at least two women who have been raped, and their rapists are still around, invading their social circles, attending their weddings, lingering in their consciousness, years and years after the fact. These are people who would be disappeared if I weren't 20 states away from the situation. Obviously, I'm not going to spend my limited vacation time with my family disposing of dead bodies, but if I lived there, I wouldn't have any reason not to do it. That said, at least one of them has raped again and gotten away with it. Worst any of them ever caught was an ass beating.

Karma is a load of shit, and the only real justice in this universe is that which man makes himself, either as an individual performing vigilante justice, or collectively as a society by rule of law. Nothing will happen to these people unless the individuals who have suffered at their hands, and those who may be able to assist them by bringing these scum sucking piles of human filth to justice with testimony (or other assets if vigilante justice is sought) are the only ones who can put to an end the misery they can inflict. Belief in karma is nothing more an excuse for inaction, a rationalization of a mindset that simply does not want to go through the necessary motions to ensure justice is served.

I want to be clear that I am not including the OP into the rationalizing, excuse making category. The victim has other factors to consider, and I would not judge anyone in that position for deciding not to take action, although I do believe that one who decides not to take action for fear of the consequences (which could be severely damaging to an emotional state that is already fragile) has to be prepared for the consequences of said inaction, which include the potential for coming face to face with the knowledge that the perpetrator has committed a violent act such as this again, and that had perhaps action been take before, the subsequent acts of violence could have been averted.
 
This thread bothers me a bit because it has turned into you trying to justify your thoughts and feelings to others who are distant from the situation. You are entitled to think and feel however you want about this. You could hope for him to get brutally murdered and it would be ok, because that is an aspect of anger. So is revenge. If you decide to forgive him some day, then ok, that's your choice. Don't let people tell you how you should feel. There are people here even saying "stop blaming yourself"... no, you don't even have to do that. You don't have to let go of anything you aren't ready to let go of. If right now your focus is on justice or simple revenge, then be with that!

Do what you need to do. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I sincerely believe that karma evens the playing field eventually. For someone to rape another sentient being, they themselves have to be in a pretty messed up state. Even if the law doesn't catch up to him, something else will. He can't just carry that energy around in his being without some kind of comeuppance.

Thank you, I agree with this 200% and that's why I was telling Effuzion/raas/bagochina that I didn't want to have that discussion anymore. If I've got to justify my feelings it makes me think that I'm being blamed for how I'm reacting to this and as I said, I can't deal with that, not now anyway.
Thanks again.
 
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Jesus fucking Christ you must have never had anything remotely traumatizing happen to you. If you're not going to at least try to be understanding just don't bother to contribute.
And your comment about looking on the bright side is quite frankly sick.
 
A rapist (one time...not serial) deserves to be forgiven the same way a drug addict who steals for their habit deserves to be forgiven - they are acting on basic instincts, not rational thought - they become an animal, unable to control their desires for a matter of minutes...it's a hard truth, but the only way you can truly get rid of the shadow across you is to forgive.

Seek vengeance (I know you ain't interested) and he will gain more of a hold over you, but to forgive him, maybe even telling him face to face, at the same time telling him you have the police waiting to pick him up. Smiling while he shits his pants.

This will make you so strong. Justice should also be implemented - real justice - prison for rapists, where hopefully he might get one in the ass himself to teach him a lesson. Thaat's if we're talking eye for an eye though, because honestly we all suffer enough without adding to that suffering aye?
Thank you, that's really all I want right now.



I still don't really understand the use of the word 'forgive' in this context. Maybe I'm misinterpreting but how does a rapist deserve to be forgiven?
I get the point that helping myself (which, I'm going to say it again, I HAVE been doing) is a way to show that I'm stronger than him and won't let myself be affected by him and eh hasn't 'won', but well, he won't know that. And I do think he deserves to be punished and to be hurt in some way even though he'll still be nowhere near what he's made me go through. I'm absolutely convinced that knowing he got some sort of justice will help me in my recovery. I've never been religious but this made me lose faith in everything I believed in really and I need to know karma's going to get back at him, and I want to be a part of that myself.
I already think I'm being quite 'nice' by ignoring all my urges to get him beaten up.

You're being very nice to ignore the violence urges...honestly a bit of a beating could be coming to him anyways, you don't have to be the one to ensure it happens. He will get what is coming to him. Please consider the accompanied confrontation/recording/tone analysis scenario - sleep on it - I believe if you went through with it, you would come out so powerful - you wouldn't need counselling again I would bet money on it.
 
No. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven.
I can't believe you're comparing rape to stealing.
I'm going to close this thread as at this point it's really doing me more harm than good. I suppose everyone is trying to help but I seriously can't believe some of the shit I'm hearing. I really appreciate the sympathy from most people here, it really made me feel better, and thank you to those people. To those who suggested I'm making a big deal out of nothing or that I should just 'move on' as if I dunno, my pet hamster had just died, I'm honestly disgusted.
And yes yanker, post deleted or not, that was aimed at you.
 
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