Cocaine I finally stopped being a lurker..

[LifeAsIKnowIt]

Hey all!

I finally stopped being a lurker and made an account! Pretty positive over the last 3 years of lurking i have read almost every thread that was posted!

as i'm sitting here at my desk ( no longer ) lurking at everyone's cocaine posts it made me want to make my own- because maybe there is people like me.

I'm going to use cocaine as my example of drug for this post.. but it literally is every and any drug.. Plus i just came off a binge.

I'm not addict ( doesn't everyone who has a problem say this? ). I can go months... years without touching the blow or anything. I've been to many parties/ friends/ work were its been offered to me and even while completely wasted or sober I turn it down. But I do have a problem.

My problem has never been saying NO - my problem is when i feel like ya i'm gonna do it i do it for days. DAYS. It never ends. I have no limits when it comes to cocaine. I'm up all night snort all day up all night again with food being the last thing on my mind.
I just finished a binge- I have been to work all week with nobody being the wiser- no sleep, no food, and I feel fine other than exhausted ( like every time i do a binge ). I don't feel stupid - although i should i know.

I don't crave it, i don't worry when its gone or getting low. It just is. But once i do a line there's no stopping me.

My last binge before this one scared me. It was 7 months ago and we went hard for 16 days straight. I still went to work everyday, forced myself to eat when I would feel woozy ( i put eating lightly... a granola bar or a shake ) and I would grab melatonin to try and sleep a few hours every few days. I found after day 4 - going into day 5 i was a wreck. I was hallucinating it was just crap. Anyways- it scared me because the length of my binge. I just cannot stop when I start. That's my problem. And I know the easy answer is just not starting right? But the thing is this is with every single drug. I do not stop.... And I have very easy access to many many drugs.

Is anyone else like this? I used cocaine as my example only cause that's the biggest and scariest binge I've been on. But like i said it doesn't matter what i do - once i start there's no stopping me.

I dunno- maybe its just me. But as I sit here at my desk feeling fine other than tired and after scoping through every thread trying to find someones story like mine it just made me think about it.

 

[keeping]

hey man, welcome to BL.
OD isn't really the place for intros, its more just for questions pertaining to this particular category of drugs.
you can find the new member introductions here though, hopoefully a mod can move you there.

and again, welcome

 

[kgeisel98]

I use to go on several day benders when I was younger. For me it was/is always coke. I take opiates for pain but I work really hard to not abuse them. I don't look at them like drugs but like the other medications that help me. I find just staying up for over 24 hours (no using - well pot) leaves me feeling like I'm hungover. I doubt this is very helpful but at least I can relate. Maybe setting boundaries for yourself might help. You know rules of using.

 

[Bal0n]

If you're completely honest with yourself and can really keep it to sporadic binges, I'm not really seeing the harm here.

Now ofcourse, these binges are probably quite demanding in terms of physical health. It will be damaging your circulatory system, kidneys, brain and most likely all other organs. Try to maintain healthy food intake and plenty of fluid.

 

[ricemaker]

Welcome to BL. From my own personal experiences, I can't quite say i have this insatiable, "once i start, I don't stop". With the opioids I've tried, it gets to a point where i need a break. I need to feel like I've accomplished things before going back. It's also a great tolerance break.

It's curious you used coke as your example. I've tried a handful of times. I think a lot has to do with the cut used. There are some combinations that make it feel very "fiendish". I know some cuts use amps, ephedrine, or other crappy stimulants to trick you. I do believe any coke I get in the future needs some sore of A/B extraction or wash. I'm still trying to think of the best procedure and solvents to use.

How would you rate the quality of your blow?

 

[tacodude]

That's just coke.... Even worse with crack aka dirty freebase cocaine. When I did use it I ended up iv every 15 minutes all night telling myself every time that it was the last one until I do one after throwing up and accept I'm not feeling anything just fighting nausea. I can't even smell coke without getting sick after that.