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I finally say hello

Emme80

Emme80

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 30, 2013
Messages
233
Hello all. I've been looking, reading, informing myself for my future endeavor: complete sobriety.
 
Well thank you very much Comfortably Numb and RPD89. I will most certainly be checking out the Sober Living. I am nearing the end of a - Way too long - methadone taper. It's been a long road&I SO look forward to saying goodbye to methadone. Then, I can move on to my fully sober life. Thanks for the "welcome".
 
Greetings from Canada:)
Welcome to bluelight!!

Good luck let me know if you need any help and Have fun!!:)
These will give you some insight on how the site is run and the rules

Green lighters(newbies) guide-
http://wiki.bluelight.org/index.php/Greenlighters_guide

Bluelight user agreement-

http://wiki.bluelight.org/index.php/Bluelight_User_Agreement_(BLUA)


If you want some help getting around the site or a buddy to talk to then you can always message me Im on the list of people willing to adopt you can find the link if you want to be adopted by me or another experienced member here-

Nmi adoption program-

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/665029-The-NMI-Adoption-Program-v-2014

If you go to the forum section at the top of the home page of BL you will see all of our topics just click on one that interests you. If you can't find the section yet no worries it takes a bit to know your way around just let me know and I'll post up a link to something you will like.

Good luck Remember don't be afraid to ask for help that's what I'm here for,
 
Thank you kindly trainspotter& Andy A. I have read over the rules- I think I retained 'em... But I'm afraid I'll make a mistake that I didn't realize was a mistake. I've looked at the forums&have looked for a little while. I just posted my story/quandary in the "basic drug" forum as it said that us most likely the 1st stop one should make... Besides an introduction here ;) I tend to write long winded posts ... It's ... always been a great fault of mine- I feel the need to give details so the story is complete. So, we shall see if anybody really cares to read past 1st few sentences . :/
Thank you trainspotter, I like the "adopt "...it's a good buddy system here. And you'll be the 1st buddy I have! Many thanks!
 
Well,
when the top guys like trains & comfy welcome you with open arms... You gotta kinda already know you're among friends.
Having said that though... Welcome to BL Emme :)
Glad you're here with us & look forward to seeing some posts from ya ;)
Peace & aloha,
~ N3f
 
Its pretty much common sense alot of it I was just saying to somebody that if I can remember them with my bad memory and not get infractions then you should be fine cause I can't remember what I did 5 minutes ago lol
 
Hehehe, well, if "trains" says it, then you can certainly believe in it! - NO JOKE!
No, I'm not some kinda overgrown fan-boy.. but rather, someone who's actually done his fair share of homework on these subjects. I firmly believe in what these guys (captain H, trainspotter, ComfortablyNumb & Evey) have to say. These are just a sample of the great support that's available to you. I can't stress enough how important it would be to get to know at least a couple of these amazing people, that will undoubtedly guide you through some of the most common issues with being a newbie (like myself).
Well, all the best to ya & my sincerest well wishes in your life's goals.

Peace, love & Aloha for all...
~ N3f
 
Well I sincerely can't thank you all so kindly! I'm not someone who jumps on boards all over the place. The greetings are very welcoming! Truly. I've been stuck on this one way street for so long, waiting for the fork in the road to appear& now I can see it in the near future. I've done the program "to the t".. And I want off this ride now - take that other path. I have absolutely no doubt I'll get there ... and stay there - I've got a lot to do in life still. I've done alot already, got sidetracked&it all went sideways- but I'm going back to the life where I accomplished most goals I set before myself . Apparently, coming here was a blessing&I got warm welcomes from some pretty solid&rad BL tops- so many thank you kindly thanks to you trainspotter&comfortably numb!
( btw- speaking of memory - today, I walked inside the house 3x's.... Each time, forgetting why I came in, so I went back outside to adore my blooming hydrangea &other flowers in full bloom- each time outside, I remembered I went in to get the camera- I'm a photo nut- on the 4 th trip in I repeated "camera camera camera"- just so I wouldn't walk out clueless again. Ugh! I'm blaming it in the slight wd's. Not the fact that I'll be 40 this year.)
I look forward to knowing you guys !
 
Hahaha,
Alrighty now, let's go easy on that 40 thing ~ LoL. There's not anything wrong with being 40 (or even in your 40's, as in my case). I think the funs just starting to get interesting when you hit that halfway point. Haha, on my 40th, I kinda felt like a whole new person. Of course finding out I was a father of a young teenage boy at that time probably had a lil' something to do with that too. Hehehe ;P
You really should do something unique & special for your 40th. I took my younger brother (8yrs younger) skydiving with me. It was incredible. Probably did hell on my spine, but ooohh was it worth it. Hahaha, just the look on my lil' bro's face when we hit the ground, was worth the next week & a half of pain.
Seriously though, being 40 really isn't a bad deal at all. I look at it like this:
We've finally acquired the knowledge & wisdom to truly enjoy life, now. & as an added bonus, we're also still young enough to get out there to do it ;)

Peace & Aloha,
~ N3f
 
:) very true about being 40/in your 40's. I, in all honestly have no problem about my age/"getting older"... One big benefit is exactly as you stated abewove N3fari0us- which is that "were still young enough to go out there and do it"! This is SO true and I'm excited to go forth, feel the force and still conquer a good many of my life goals, fortunately enough, most of which I've been able to check off many of my life's "I wish" list- I was (am) stubborn enough to make my dreams into a reality. Thats the Emme80 I want back.
For age though, I gladly embrace my age. I'll take it & all the knowledge I've gained. Aside from some suck ass experiences- some of which were not my fault- some , like my reason for being here, that IS my fault- some of which were forced upon me- & even those, as horrible as they may be, I can't say I'd choose to change what's happened b / c I may be of some help to somone someday-as "I've been there", in that deep well of hurt .
What I LOVE, is nobody ever guesses my age. It's that way with all the women in my family. The age I usually get pinned for is 30-32... And that's fine by me. (I think it has to do with my small stature - I'm 5' l, IF I really stand up straight&stretch my neck upas tall as can be) We're all petite. So, I feel like my small stature makes people think I'm younger than I really am. Right now , the cricks & cracks, my aches&some of my health problems , it sometimes does feel like I'm a. 90 yr. old woman ! ;) I hope many of the "cricks&cracks will magically disappear after the methadone. :)
Off subject tangent I know, sorry!
Always&forever, a good many thank you kindly!
 
Aww Emme, seriously, you don't have to thank me.
To be completely honest with ya, I simply find a whole lotta common denominators between the two of us. & most importantly, I just wana be able to help someone else as sooo many people have helped me, here.
Haha.. Believe it or not, your kind & wise words had inspired me & even moreso motivated me to not only get outside in this early morning chill, to have a nice brisk run with my greyhound: Lani~girl, but because I had happened to read your reply before we decided on our daily "route"... I even got my son in, on this run. Hahaha... even though he's just a young man still, he was just awesome this morning. LoL ~ he even managed to out-pace me for the 1st 2 of the 2.5~3 mile run we all did (& btw.. I'm not in the least bit sorry for my aches & pains this morning. For me, it was like an awakening & blessing all at the same time). I'm quite sure that I'll be a moaning' & groaning' by later on today, BUT... For now, all I can think of to say is:
thanx Emme, you've become yet another motivational & vital part of my re-introduction to life & the pleasures that wait within for me to experience. To simply enjoy life as it comes along is one of the greatest things we as individuals can achieve & experience. My fondest wish right now, is that you too, will be able to achieve this level of self acpeptance & happiness, that you've just given to me ;)
My fondest wishes of happiness, peace & aloha to you & yours...
~ N3f :)
 
Well N3fari0us, I am SO happy that you had a great morning&that your little guy came along with you! Life CAN be less of a struggle - and bright. I have a 7yr. old nephew(I have no children of my own..yet. I was busy with college and traveling the world.. Great & all , but I feel I missed the window of finding a guy that's worth staying with. A trade off I suppose ) but that kid is the light of my life . Even now , I can feel all achey, more stiff than usual, just "icky " & edgy- but every morning, he gets dropped off at my house- I make him breakfast & take him to school. Those 2hours I'm ... Pain free. Granted, were he my own, 24/7,I'm sure I wouldn't be QUITE as energetic and full of adrenaline around him. But he just surprised me with smiles every time! Before we got out of the car this morning, he said " oh, you forgot!" ...Every single time I see him( a lot ) I look deeply into each eye & say ... " yup ' it's still there- hope(left eye ) and happiness(right eye). His joy of that being ME hope & happiness. We have a very special Aunt & Nephew relationship. My two consistant joys- nephew& my dog.
It's great that your exercising/running! I bet that helps ALOT! I am proud if you for facing this journey- that completely IS. 100% attainable! You're proof! I think, for me&many, is the fear of wd. And how life will feel when clean-clean. Bit as you post this morning show, life just comes back! I often wondered if I'll see the beauty and possibilities that I saw before this road detered. I see through you-it's there ! So thank you! For giving me the hope that my life can return!
Someone told me that. "Your just going to have to be ok without being ok for a little while". I am always here for any venting, random thoughts , etc . for ya ! Because you made it outside, into the sun , I'm going to go spend some good time in my garden now (soon enough,it will be 110degrees, so I better take advantage of the low 90'd right now !), checking on each and every lovely bloom.. (Wish I'd gone to school for botany as well) and throw the frisbee for my boy... dog ;) you keep reminding yourself that the miles you ran today are miles&footsteps that will bring you to the life that's been on hold!
(I quote U2 a little too often, sorry- a life long words of inspiration for me ) but :

"And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight
...A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom...
I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on...
Leave it behind, you've got to
leaveit behind...walk on."
This song remind me to keep walking on ;)
I hope you continue to have a day that bring you closer&closer to freedom
 
Aww Emme, you really do know how to bring a smile into someone's day :)) hehe, I'm just sooo happy that even somebody new like myself can still manage to brighten the moment for someone else just like me. That means a lot & I sincerely thank you for such an endearing & lovely comment.
Hahahaa... & PLEEEAASE, continue quoting one of my all-time favorite musical groups!!! That absolutely made my morning :) ive always been a serious fan & loved U2, from day one.
& yeah, Isn't it an incredible thing how something so innocent as a young child can inspire such feelings of well being & just overall happiness??? My son has been doing this for me, ever since I was introduced to him just over a year ago. I didn't even know I had a son, until I met his mother in the hospital last year, where she was going through some nasty chemotherapy for advanced breast cancer. When she finally introduced me to this incredibly intelligent (& quite handsome, due to his mothers behalf, I'm most sure~LoL) I literally fell to my Knees because I never thought I'd be fortunate enough to have a child in my lifetime (I love kids, I was a children's photographer for my 1st 4years into my career). It's been a tough road at times to get as far as we've gotten, but today my son & I are like one person. & I can't imagine even a single day without him here with me :)
Well, I'm off to get my day started (haha, only 3am here - but if I don't start now, between my son & my Lani~girl, I'd never get anything accomplished). So I wish you an absolutely wonderful day & thank you again for your such kind words. Our soccer team has a big scrimmage against a much older & advanced soccer team, today (about 1-2yrs age difference) so wish us luck. My son plays the goalie position, so I'm just hoping he doesn't get trampled over for the whole game. Hahaha
My best wishes, Love & Aloha to you & yours...
~ N3f :)

Edit:
What I meant to say was: when I met his mother at the hospital, I hadn't seen her (my ex-fiancé) in over a decade, so I didn't even know she was pregnant when we had broken up (but to be fair about it, neither did she). Thus my utter shock at seeing this handsome, intelligent & just amazing young man who had the same name as my father.
 
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Thank You kindly Captain! I'm glad I finally jumped into the pool&said hello. I truly hope I can be of help to others- that my last 12mg. mile stretch can be proof, a reality& of help to others that this beast can be tackled & beat! This journey- not all journeys are fun- above all, I'd the most important one in my almost 40yrs. It will lead me to a free life again, a life without limitations. Thank you, Captain&everybody else( again) for the kind Welcome! Rough feeling today, so it's nice to see warm welcomes&kind words!
N3f- I send many many best of lucks to you sons games this weekend! A goalie position: high stress position ! He must be one strong, independent, focused boy! I read your intro. And with what you said- of when you realized you were a father- it's an amazing story! And now you're a full time single parent, yes? It's amazing! How long have you two been together now? (You don't have to reveal anything of the sorts if you do not wish to by the way).
As for U2- ahhhh, that is one addiction I will never put down. (And Johnny Cash) Been in it since " War ". I've managed to travel far&wide to see countless U2 shows(ok... Approx.30-40 shows) ;) there is NOTHING that gives me a better high- physically, mentally, emotionally&spiritually than a U2 show. No joke. Their songs/words hit me hard. (I pre-apologize for the following ridiculousness):
U2 is my go2 when I'm "Stuck in a moment", those times when everything feels "Out of Control"...when all seems to have "Gone" sideways. When I'm just left feeling "Numb" , or all the "Bad" decisions in life leave me " Staring at the Sun ", it's U2 makes me realize I'm just "Running to Stand Still" , acting like an "Acrobat", stuck on a "Wire"...but if I were to just "Surrender", I'd see that t's "A Beautiful Day", and there's no reason to stay in the "Shadows and Tall Trees". Just as it was, " For the First a Time", it works like a "Miracle Drug", I'm able to I pick myself up& "In a Little While", I find a day full of "Grace" and it is "The Sweetest Thing". "One thing is for certain- U2 sure does work in "Mysterious Ways" for me ;)
Ok... I just had to do that- I must have some time on my hands today! It's all very true though- I find a lot of strength&hope via U2.
I hope everybody has a wonderful day ... Or shall I say "A Beautiful Day"!
 
Hiya Emme,
Just an update as we're just now arriving at the scrimmage field.
Holy Jolly Green Giants - Batman!!! ?..?!
These "kids" (though i swear, at least a few of em look like they're already sportin' mustaches & beards) gotta be about/at least a foot taller then most of our boys. Hehe... My son excluded, thankfully. He's almost 6ft now & still hasn't even hit his 14th Bday yet ;) ~ LoL.
I gotta bad feeling we're (our boys, that is) gonna look pretty beat up after this one. Hahaha, gooood thing dads like us always come prepared to these games with lotsa Icy-Hot, Instant Cold packs & compress bandages. Geez, I can't believe it was our boys that asked for this scrimmage. I think this'll turn into more of a team-on-team "beat down" then a match that these boys can learn something from. Hehe... Ouch! ? ~ LoL
Oh yeah, no worries about asking questions like that. Im a fairly open kinda guy & to be honest, I'm already pretty used to questions like that. I realize that single dads aren't usually the norm, so it's pretty regularly that I hear em. We've actually known about each other for about 16months now. He came to live with me only a month after we first met (his mother was being moved into a hospice unit), but I've been his sole parent & guardian for close to 13months (his mother was already into the final stages of cancer when we ran into each other at the hospital). So it's been kind of a "crash-course" for the both of us. But he knows I love him more then life itself & I know as well, deep in my heart, that he feels the same for me (even though at his age, I guess it's not "cool" to be all hugging & loving' on your dad, nowadays ? ~ *sniffle, sniffle*)
Well, we're getting ready to gear up & start the kids on there per-game warmups/stretches & all that good stuff. Hehe, thanx so much for all the well wishes & luck, I sure we'll need it this time. & I'll be sure to let ya know how bad we get pounded into the turf after the game & after we're done re-setting their broken bones, fix any of the usual dislocated limbs/digits &/or if neccessary, stopped any post-game internal hemmoraging ~ hahaha, kidding, of course (I hope).
Hehe, & yeah I know.. I know I'm totally one of those typical over-worrying type parents a BUT, I'm working on it ~ LoL!!!
Well, take care & talk to ya soon. & of course, my sincerest wishes of peace, love & Aloha to you & all of yours :)
~ N3f ??⚽
 
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