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I feeling very depressed and suicidal

Lysis

Lysis

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
31,677
Hello TDS,

Maybe this belongs in SLR, but I didn't really think that was the best place. I don't think I have ever felt this depressed since my ex died and that was over 2 years ago. I feel suicidal. I haven't eaten or worked in 3 days. I don't normally post my feelings or this type of things to a forum, but TDS is the only place I can go. I have to talk or I am going to slowly kill myself just because I feel like I can't get myself out of it and it's been a week. I cry every minute, I can't focus or sleep. I know I need to talk to someone, but I have no health insurance until next semester. I haven't worked, so funds are low.

I've been through a terrible breakup, and about a week ago the guy called me up to come over and hang out. I feel so stupid. We talked. I told him I care and still love him. We had sex. He said we could go to dinner this week, but since then he is treating me like dirt. I feel used and defeated. I feel like he totally took advantage, and he knows I loved him and still do. He knows that I don't sleep around, but I feel like such a whore. I feel like such an idiot, and I try to talk and forget about it. The only person I have to talk to is my sister, and she is very mean when it comes to this stuff. She is likely to yell at me and call me stupid, and I already know I'm stupid.

I feel like I did when we broke up, except now I feel stupid and used a whore and basically everything I said to him and he said to me was a lie. I don't understand how someone can do this. I don't understand how someone could take advantage of someone who flat out tells them they care and still love them. We text back and forth this past week, but I can feel his distance and feel like he's doing it just because he now feels obligated.

I don't know what to do. I am just tired of being heartbroken by this guy , and I feel like he's won. I feel like I am at my breaking point, and I don't know how to get out of this feeling. He's totally defeated me and every ounce of love or feelings I ever had and I feel like he took what I said and just basically stomped on me like garbage. I feel like a whore, and he knows I do not sleep around with people. I feel like such a hypocrite giving people advice at SLR, and I have just been taken advantage of on the highest level. I would never do this to anyone, and I never thought anyone could be so calculating and heartless.

We are supposed to go to dinner, and he said that he needed to study for finals. I gave him his space and understood. He mentioned that his last final was 12/9, but after a few days of taking finals myself, I realized that today (12/8) is the last day of finals. Thinking that it was a mistake but still wondering, I text messaged him today and asked him what he had left tomorrow. He's not answering, and I don't want to bug him, but I feel like I'm going to explode, because inside I see what he is doing.

I am sorry this is so long. I just needed to talk. I just need someone to tell me it's ok or just something. I feel so incredibly stupid and stomped on like garbage, and I loved this guy with all my heart. Maybe someone can share their stories of success and gotten through this depression and suicidal feelings after this type of thing. I need someone to hug me and tell me it's ok, but my sister is a mean person and I can't talk to her.

Just anything will help me. I just want to read something. I can't even describe what it feels like, but I feel like my heart has just been ripped from my chest, and I don't deserve this after my ex died and I had finally gotten through the depression of his death and was doing well. It's like the universe sent me this guy as soon as I was happy and OK with myself.
 
Youll be ok, men are dogs....takinging advantage of anyone we can. Youll be ok. Hell you helped me out with the advice about my wife.......I slipped up though and Im kinda in the same position........youll be alright.......I think youre pretty rad
 
hi am afraid some men lie thru there teeth just to get dick wet one last time,if you broke it off in the first place,but you are being to hard on your self .in afew days time things will become clearer.and you can move on,and every thing will be fine. hell there plenty of men out there.take this as another lesson learned...and hope you feel better soon
 
lysis ,
broken hearts heal with time's passage . i suspect that women suffer more than men on the average .
i have been suicidally depressed for months on end because of a quack psych doc's medications .

i couldn't think of any time in my life that i was happy - my mind was that broken .

although my pit of despair was situational and was in fact rectified by a non VA shrink that took me off all the meds that the quack had been rolling at me for years, i believe that if you dig into your memory banks you will access times in your life when you were living happily .

who else beside your sister is close to you ? who is a trusty friend or relative ? my ancient aunti helped me through other emotional trauma that busted me up .

like pharcyde said - so many guys are just after sex and have no thoughts of what they are capable of doing to a woman . shoot him in his crotch !
 
Its perfectly natural to be feeling the way you are... getting over issues like this isent easy if you havent been through much of it before.. Dont be down on yourself for feeling depressed... PLEASE do not call yourself stupid! You are most definatly not...

Relationships can be nothing but total heartbreak, most of the time they are,.. unfortunatly..:\
I know that this is easier ''said'' then done, but try not to dwell on the bad things in life.. except this as a ''new chapter'', and focous on the positive things to come of it.. Letting bad feelings, self hate and depression is far from constructive when it comes to trying to enjoy ones life.. Everyone has the power to change this, its just trying to harnes that power is the hard part... you can do it.....
Be strong.. Carry on.. Move foward with positive vision...

I think that asshole dosent reliese what he's just lost...

Hang in there... your in our thoughts..
Much love, all of us..
 
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Lysis, hun it breaks my heart to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. I want to kick this guy in the balls for the way he's making you feel!
Please believe that this will pass. Over time you will start to feel better about the situation, I promise.
I'm going to PM you okay? <3
 
Thank you. I don't know what I'm going to do. I am trying my best to move past the suicidal thoughts. It started with finding something to sleep. Then it went to knocking myself out for a few days, and I just feel so incredibly low death is actually starting to look appealing. I was finally done with the depression, and I was doing so well. This guy has totally taken my spirit and smashed it, and I know that letting someone do that is wrong. I keep trying to rationalize it, because I want to know WTF I've done in this world to deserve this. I try to be good to people and help others. I try to give back and help people, and I didn't think I would ever be back to that place I was at soooo long ago, but I feel it's there and it's killing me.

Thank you for the thoughts and posts. I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep it off. I just don't know if I can get through this again. I feel so incredibly used and whorish.
 
um hey lysis

michigan has something called access alliance that pays for the uninsured and under insured to go to counseling...im on it

cant you ask the counselors office about something like that?
 
This is terrible...no one deserves to be hurt in such a manner, especially someone who seems so genuine and kindhearted. I can relate to the feeling of disbelief, of not being able to understand how another person can be so callous and seemingly uncaring.

Here's the realness: you need to go cold turkey. Cut him off completely. This person is hurting you, to the point that you are considering hurting yourself, and HE HAS NO RIGHT TO DO THAT. You have a right to not be hurt, and to take whatever action you see fit to prevent that right now. It will suck, you will cry, you will be tempted to renege, but be strong about it. He is keeping you on a string, but it is completely within your power to sever that string and take control of the situation.

I went through this with a (batshit crazy) ex a few years ago. She wanted to keep me around for emotional validation and, like a lovesick puppy, I followed until I realized that I could not allow her to hurt me anymore and stopped taking her calls or texts. It took a few days, but my head cleared and I was able to see out of the hole I'd dug for myself. It will get better, but you first need to protect yourself and your heart.
 
SecondPull said:
I went through this with a (batshit crazy) ex a few years ago. She wanted to keep me around for emotional validation and, like a lovesick puppy, I followed until I realized that I could not allow her to hurt me anymore and stopped taking her calls or texts. It took a few days, but my head cleared and I was able to see out of the hole I'd dug for myself. It will get better, but you first need to protect yourself and your heart.
Click to expand...

ugggggggggh lysis im going through this here right now......atleast were doing it at the same time......cosmic and such
 
Lysis you are giving this guy way too much value. Your perception of his power over you is nothing but that, just a perception.
If he walked into a room and you didnt know him, you wouldn't give a fuck about him, but just because you feel like he got over on you you're turning this largely into something it shouldn't be.
Men do shit like that, but women do some terrible things too. Rather than turn this into a gender bashing thread, lets look at the situation logically. He called you over to hangout and although you might not think it, its more than likely that he was missing you and didn't just want a piece of ass. Sex just happens in those situations and its not a sign of weakness or defeat on either side. Its possible that you 2 just don't get along, or maybe your depression isn't something he is able to put up with anymore but him calling you over was his way of trying to verify that. But don't feel used I mean wtf, women have more sexual power anyday of the week over a man. And thats prob just making you feel that much worse for giving in.

But you need to realize you are the same now as you were before you met him, and before the death of your ex. Although breakups wreak havoc on the limbic system there is no physical alteration to any part of your body, that electricity in your head lies to you, true love is new love, not waiting around forever for some hopeless dweeb whos more than likely not worth the wait in the first place.
The first step is to give YOURSELF space, not him. Stop thinking about it that way. You need to distance yourself so you can properly dissassociate from him overtime. Thats the only way you get over a break up. You start associating good things as what they are (largely bs), and you stop rosetinting every single flaw of his. Its funny that we have to actually be OUT of a relationship to have a more accurate view of the person we were with. Studies have basically proven the whole 'love is blind' concept. And the only thing painful about a break up is really when you realize how much you lied to your ownself about your partner being some perfect specimen of humanity which I guarantee hes not.

When 2 people get together their selfesteem pools together, and the pain you feel now is the absence of his own selfesteem. Partners helps us quell issues, and when they are gone once again we are left to fend for ourself. But the longer we stay single the more we are able to strengthen our own selfesteem, so some jackass can't just come walking by and we hand it over to them on a silver platter like you're doing with him.
You SHOULD be sad now, embrace the sadness because mourning is a natural process. You can't get over this guy UNTILL you go through that process. Try to repress that pain and it WILL show its face in ways uglier than you could have imagined. Be ok with being sad, I know you think its going to last forever but you're just going through a transition right now and things WILL get better. You have to believe that for it to happen, and I promise once some time goes by with him out of sight, he will largely also be out of mind.
 
^ whoooaaaaa 8(



the guy sounds like a jerk lysis. hang in there cause we need you around here!
 
lolz love for all! and for all a goodnight!! Or at least for me.

Lysis hang in there. Men are idiots and we have no idea whats best for ourselves. Ie. I'm trying to go to bed now at midnight and I know damn well I won't fall asleep till around 4am. But I'll still sit in my bed pouting for 4 hours because I'm a guy, and I don't always think logically like "hmm I only just woke up 10 hours ago".

Whatever happens please take care of yourself, go watch a funny/happy movie and try to take your mind off this guy. Will all be here for you anytime you need, and we all wanna see you get through this bs. Take care!
 
your not a whore....you slept with somebody that you loved and you dont sleep around. look at it as giving the relationship everything you had so you would have no regrets later in life. its not being a whore to sleep with somebody you love.
 
Hello Lysis, i have been married for two and a half years now to the most amazing wonderfull hardworking man i have ever known. before i met my husband i was involved with a man who i thought at the time was the love of my life i would have done anything for him. he had a girlfriend when i met him they had been 3gether for 10 years and she was in medical school fixing to b a full fledge doctor he told me they were havig problems and he was going to leave her i believed him. for months we did things together went on trips etc i fell head over hills for him and kept bwaiting for him to break up with her. long story short he never did. i finally broke things off and i also felt suicidal just like u i felt used and i felt like a whore just disgusted with myslef once everythinng was said and done but my point is i got thru it and about a year later met my amazing husband so there is some one out there for u i promise. i never ever thought i would have the husband that i do i mean never in my wildest dreams so u just hang on hunny and i promise u there is someone out there that will make u barely even remember this guys name it just doesnt feel like it right now. your prince charming will come just like mine did i promise...best wishes to u hunny
 
Lysis...I think Bonjangles makes a good point that it's important to feel your pain and let it pass, we need to process these emotions to grow and move on.

Why do you feel like a whore? Because you slept with a man that you are in love with? I don't see how anybody could hold that against you for any reason, and you certainly shouldn't hold it against yourself. Is sex bad? Are women not supposed to want to have sex? Don't let any mixed up cultural values determine how you feel about yourself.

I get the feeling that you think relationships may fill some sort of void. I can guarantee you that they won't. They can help us learn about ourselves and grow, but they will not ultimately fill the void that most people think they will. The sooner that everybody is able to realize this the less pain they will need to go through. I say this to myself too because I have difficulty with getting attached to other people.

So I hope you are able to rest and take care of yourself. Your worth does not depend on whether or not you have this person in your life.
 
lysis? i was hoping we would have heard from you by now.. i hope youre feeling better.
 
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