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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I feel so depressed

S

ss1879

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 17, 2016
Messages
6
My life was good but had its flaws like everyone else before I've started abusing drugs. I was a very smart kid but was always too lazy to live up to my potential, leading me to always being berated my teachers. In September this year I was sober, and now 16 years old I am an alcohol and a drug addict. In September I had a good relationship with my mom and friends, but now I'm kicked out the house, binge drinking somewhere else, and my friends even know I have a problem. I don't know what to do, my mom is irrational and a religious nut, and my dad doesn't really care about me and treats me like crap. I stopped caring for my health, but now everything is hitting me, and probably because I am drunk. I'm an insomniac because of my drug problems and i steal my sisters sleeping pills to sleep. I still get good grades and have a 4.3 gpa but I have a feel like my life will soon get fucked up with drugs. I have never felt so miserable in my life today and even considered mixing sleeping pills with alcohol. Everyone around me knows I'm ruining my life, and I honestly feel like I could be doing great things if I wasn't hooked on drugs. I am confused and frustrated and don't know what to do. my sisters were alcoholics too so I guess it runs in the blood
 
Even though it may seem that drugs are the problem, I think drugs are just one symptom of the problem--the problem is your life is devoid of trust and love. Having parents that cannot accept you is a terrible thing for a young person to deal with. It makes sense that you are depressed because your family is in crisis and you have no support in the adult world. You are going to have to rely on yourself but 16 is not too young for that. By relying on yourself, I'm talking about saving your own life by getting support. You can start with a school counselor if school is still going on. If it is finished for the summer, look up options at your county mental health services. Often there are special programs to help kids recover.

It's amazing that you have managed to keep your grade point average where you have--you should be very proud of that! I imagine that you are a good reader with grades like that and books can be lifesavers sometimes. See if your library has any of these titles: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Maté, When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, any number of titles by Ekhart Tolle. Use this summer to repair your relationship with yourself. Despair is a very dangerous thing. Anything that you can do to foster hope in yourself, do it.

Don't worry right now about your potential, or 'doing great things'--the greatest thing you can do, and the hardest, is to stop dulling the pain with alcohol and other substances. If alcoholism runs in your family, stay away from it.

PM me anytime. I am 62. I am a mother. I care what happens to you.<3
 
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