So I won't make this too long but I really appreciate anyone that has stopped suboxone and found thier joy for life returned. I had a great life, a great wife, great career, great friend, it seemed perfect compared to who I am today. I have an addicted personality as I used meth a lot in my late teen years but stopped after age 21. I graduated college and got married but had terrible anxiety since stopping meth. I worked as an engineer and finally my dr put me on atavan and that changed me into a normal person. I didn't worry about worrying anymore. I was finally free and felt great! I did start drinking more then I should but it never got me in too much trouble (no dui). My wife did want me to stop drinking so I did at age 35 and I had some dental work done and got vikes. I liked them and my friends had them sometimes so I started taking those.
I got into a couple car accidents and I went to a spine dr and he literally asked me "what do i want and how many"? I thought it was a trick but I said 4 10mg OC a day. The next month we went to 4x15mg a day. I only took that many and I liked it a lot. Different doctor also put me on adderall and lyrica. So I'd wake up with adderall and 1 or 2 oxys and take another 1 oxys and adderall in the evening I'd take atavan and oxy. This lasted for 2 years and I knew I was hooked. I took medical leave to kick and I did but I got back on them. I kicked again and I just felt terrible. I was in such bad shape I wanted to kill myself. It was that bad and I didn't know why. I had been clean for months. I went to the hospital and they put me on 16mg suboxone. I felt high the first time I took them and normal again. I was happy but they said I had to stop taking atavan. I was taking 4-5mg a day for 15 years and they tappered me in 10 days. I felt terrible and basically didn't leave my bedroom for 4 months.
It was the worst time of my life and my wife's. I don't know how she stayed. My little kids basically didn't see their dad for a while but I was downstairs. Finally I felt a bit better and I was still prescribed 16mg suboxone, 60mg adderall and lyrica. No more benzo. That was 4 years ago and to this day I'm still not myself. I don't take lyrica anymore and feel fine about that but i take adderall because I can't do anything without them. The sub until last year really did make me feel better and I could be active but the last 6 months its hard to get out of bed. I just feel nothing. I don't think about sex which is very very stragne for me!
I am so annoyed by my wife no matter what she does for no reason. I enjoy my daughters buy I can only be around them so much without it being overload. I have no motivation, can't finish projects, I am irresponsible, alcohol doesn't have an effect on me anymore which is strange, I can't sleep for more then a few hours then can't get out of bed until 2pm, I am just wasting my life away. I was laid off from work and I want to rejoin the world but I hardly leave my house. I never was out of control while on oxys and I only took the right amount as prescribed and my life was great. No one even thought i was taking them and in my crazy mind I think it would be great to go back on them but I know no doc with do that. I have tried to kick subs a couple times and it was so terrible and I can't stand my wife seeing me like that.
So has anyone stopped taking this shit and felt terrible on them but once you stopped WD did you return to normal? I so wish I could be the person I was and I know it'll never be the exact same but any feeling is better then no feeling. Please give me any advice, tips, stories, supplements, hell even psychedelic fixes like dmt or that super trippin root stuff in africa or mexico. I just think what's the point of this? I smoke like 2.5 packs of cigs a day just to feel something different and I secretly hope I get cancer so i won't have to deal with this horror anymore. This cloud over my life is exhausting.
I have a great family and I'm not there for them like I should be and I think yeah it'll devastate them if I die but long term it'll be best because I'm not living. I'm also so lazy though I know i'll never do anything to hurt myself so I just wish it which i know is fucking crazy and pathetic. I don't really tell this to my doc or family because I don't want to worry them and I'm sick of hurting them. Ok enough rambling. Let em know what you think since I am just tired of this but if I kick this shit and I feel like I did before and its still awful whats the fucking point right? Do i have to give it like 6 months and then life returns? thanks
I got into a couple car accidents and I went to a spine dr and he literally asked me "what do i want and how many"? I thought it was a trick but I said 4 10mg OC a day. The next month we went to 4x15mg a day. I only took that many and I liked it a lot. Different doctor also put me on adderall and lyrica. So I'd wake up with adderall and 1 or 2 oxys and take another 1 oxys and adderall in the evening I'd take atavan and oxy. This lasted for 2 years and I knew I was hooked. I took medical leave to kick and I did but I got back on them. I kicked again and I just felt terrible. I was in such bad shape I wanted to kill myself. It was that bad and I didn't know why. I had been clean for months. I went to the hospital and they put me on 16mg suboxone. I felt high the first time I took them and normal again. I was happy but they said I had to stop taking atavan. I was taking 4-5mg a day for 15 years and they tappered me in 10 days. I felt terrible and basically didn't leave my bedroom for 4 months.
It was the worst time of my life and my wife's. I don't know how she stayed. My little kids basically didn't see their dad for a while but I was downstairs. Finally I felt a bit better and I was still prescribed 16mg suboxone, 60mg adderall and lyrica. No more benzo. That was 4 years ago and to this day I'm still not myself. I don't take lyrica anymore and feel fine about that but i take adderall because I can't do anything without them. The sub until last year really did make me feel better and I could be active but the last 6 months its hard to get out of bed. I just feel nothing. I don't think about sex which is very very stragne for me!
I am so annoyed by my wife no matter what she does for no reason. I enjoy my daughters buy I can only be around them so much without it being overload. I have no motivation, can't finish projects, I am irresponsible, alcohol doesn't have an effect on me anymore which is strange, I can't sleep for more then a few hours then can't get out of bed until 2pm, I am just wasting my life away. I was laid off from work and I want to rejoin the world but I hardly leave my house. I never was out of control while on oxys and I only took the right amount as prescribed and my life was great. No one even thought i was taking them and in my crazy mind I think it would be great to go back on them but I know no doc with do that. I have tried to kick subs a couple times and it was so terrible and I can't stand my wife seeing me like that.
So has anyone stopped taking this shit and felt terrible on them but once you stopped WD did you return to normal? I so wish I could be the person I was and I know it'll never be the exact same but any feeling is better then no feeling. Please give me any advice, tips, stories, supplements, hell even psychedelic fixes like dmt or that super trippin root stuff in africa or mexico. I just think what's the point of this? I smoke like 2.5 packs of cigs a day just to feel something different and I secretly hope I get cancer so i won't have to deal with this horror anymore. This cloud over my life is exhausting.
I have a great family and I'm not there for them like I should be and I think yeah it'll devastate them if I die but long term it'll be best because I'm not living. I'm also so lazy though I know i'll never do anything to hurt myself so I just wish it which i know is fucking crazy and pathetic. I don't really tell this to my doc or family because I don't want to worry them and I'm sick of hurting them. Ok enough rambling. Let em know what you think since I am just tired of this but if I kick this shit and I feel like I did before and its still awful whats the fucking point right? Do i have to give it like 6 months and then life returns? thanks