i feel like..

It was a bad pattern for me for a long time that when ever I missed a meeting I ended up fucking up in one way or another. I sat staring at a bottle and a blade last night for..shit I don't know how long. I am proud to say that I did the right thing.
I could have made the effort, I could have walked or called people for a ride but I wanted a reason to not go lately I've been looking for a way out. I don't know if it's that I don't believe this can save me or if it's that i'm not worth saving.
I find it so hard to put my trust into people but on the other hand I so badly need someone I know will be there no matter what.
I feel like i'm alone in this..

 

you're not alone in this. Yeah, it seems that way sometimes but there are many battles we need to fight on our own and check this out... you fought one last night and achieved a victory!

The support comes when we fight our personal battles and fail.

Oh, as individuals, it isn't up to us (in and of ourselves) to decide if we are 'worth saving'. Our opinions and perceptions of ourselves can be quite critical and self-destructive. Knowing this, we can't truly make accurate decisions of what our worth is because we tend to be our own enemies through self-hatred.

I know you IRL and, check this out... you are a VERY kind and compassionate person so, yeah, you ARE worthy of goodness and multiple second chances. The process is slow and it involves a lot of work and a lot of changing but it pays off.

Give yourself a fuckin' break and acknowledge your positive traits (there are many) and stop focusing so much on the negative, ya' knucklehead!