i feel like shit

[Poppa'_$murfxXx]

i have never been addicted to anything in my whole life before, and now i find myself addicted to crack with no way out. My dealer is someone who i have known my whole life. The only way i could escape is to move to another city, unfortunitly im broke and thats not an option. I used E for a while a few years ago, never got addicted even though i did some insanly retarded pills which had me hallucinating and running all over the city runing away form different gangs of people who i imagined were chasing me. And i eventually got sick of it, and everythime i thought of it i would gag and be totally grossed out. However with crack i think i might die before i get to that point. I had blood work done the otehr week and the doc told me she would call fi anything was wrong and she never did, so i assume nothing is wrong. But i am extreamly paranoid that my life is in danger. I plan on going cold turkey starting now. I pray i havnt done any permanent damage to myself in the last 3 days.. i have consumed around 7g of crack; more crack than i have ever done in my whole life multiplied by two. i have been taking my vitamins, mylan-minocycline and sleeping eveyrday.

i would love to hear from some recovering crack heads please. Or anyone struggling with a crack addiction.

 

[itsok]

i am a recovering crack addict. i did an horrifying amount for about a year. I'd have siezure and ended up w permanent psychosis until i had a grand mal followed by a coma. then i woke up and moved, went to rehab, and chipped for about another two years and then never did it again.

surprisingly, even though i did so much crack (i was malnourished as indicated by lines on my nails), i easily recovered by sleeping alot.

so the question is, why are u doing it? if u moved away, would u really stop? how much of it is psychological? my real addiction was/is h and i did crack bc i was on suboxone (which i know is asinine). quitting h proved nearly impossible for me, however i was able to quit speed and crack and iv coke. this is just my opinion, but it seems like there are more recovering crack addicts than opiate addicts. and what seems like a gnarly addiction can quickly go away if u just stop, rest, and eat. thank god the w/d are not awful (although they are still there). u seem lucid and not far gone and if u wanna quit, i know u can.

find a new friend or set some boundaries w ur friend who is a dealer. if he is ur real friend then he will respect and support ur decision to b sober and not have that shit around u or make it accessible to u.

my psychiatrist had a coke problem and to stop he told his dealer to take his money but not give him the coke if he ever broke down and called him. this way he set up a punishment for himself for wanting to use and the dealer was still happy to make his money and not lose any product and therefore, not tempt him w any drugs. would u ever do that?

 

[herbavore]

Hey congratulations on wanting to quit and setting your intention out there. I am not a recovering crack addict so i can't offer anything there but I did want to ask you what kind of support you would have where you are now? It doesn't sound like you can realistically move so it seems important to have a plan for how you will carry through.

Much respect and many good wishes.

 

[Poppa'_$murfxXx]

Day 1: fail

 

[vortex30]

You've smoked ~10 grams of crack in your life? Believe me, you're fine health-wise, so don't worry about that. It doesn't sound like you've been doing crack for very long, you're actually just scratching the surface of where this drug can take you (scary, isn't it?). So try to forgive yourself, because you can, you haven't fucked up that badly!

 

[xxsicknessxx]

Quit now. do it bro. Tell your friends who know not to give you money, not to help you get crack, no rides. Tell your dealer not to give you anything no matter what. Above post is a good idea tell dealer to take the cash but not give you product. I had to tell my doctors im a addict not to perscribe my anything addicting. It was hard. I felt like I was lousing something but in the long term it protected my self from my self.

Do it now. from my exp with mdpv. Things will get really out of hand from here. If you already paranoid just wait man, you got no idea. You have not seen anything yet.

quit

 

[n3ophy7e]

Day 1: fail

Not to worry man, try not to focus on the negatives because you'll just end up feeling worse about yourself and perpetuating the addiction cycle. Try to focus on all the little achievements that you make.

As others have said it's admirable that you recognise that you need to quit now. Be proud of yourself for that. If you feel like you can't avoid using crack with your own will power, please seek some professional help. Most addicts can't quit on their own and need help, so don't feel like you're weak or anything like that if you need to get proper help.

Keep us updated with how you're going okay?

 

[motiv311]

For me .. it all comes down to exersize and hard work... If I am constantly busy and working out.... it helps with an outlet for all the extra unpleasurable energy that comes coursing through you.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Very good tip. Exercise really helps, not only to act as a distraction and to take up time that you would otherwise be getting high, but it also helps to stabilise your moods, which can help with cravings/psychological withdrawals etc.

 

[effie]

Poppa, I have followed your threads in BDD and I am so glad you are posting here. That's a huge step, you know? You should be proud!! As n3o says, failing on day 1 doesn't mean anything. Everyone stumbles, we are all human. Just have to pick yourself up and try again.

Have you considered speaking to your dealer, like others said? Sometimes removing temptation is necessary..

Apart from that, I agree with the exercise tip. Fill your days with things that make you feel good (or at least distract you). See friends, get outside, play video games, eat well and rest plenty. Keep talking to us here, we're all behind you Poppa

 

[shady4091]

I agree that you need to talk with your dealer, man. Tell him that your use is out of your control and you cant stop as long as the temptation is there and if he's any sort of a decent human being he will cut you off. If you can't move then this is crucial in my opinion. Fortunately moving WAS an option for me when I was able to finally recognize that there was absolutely no way I was going to quit when I could easily get a fix anytime I wanted. You've come to this conclusion waaaaay earlier than I did so that's very admirable. I know you can do this.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'd consider why you're doing this.

If you have legitimate ADD, I'd get a prescription for a stimulant and let your family member or friend hold onto it and dispense it wisely and carefully for you.

You said the first day you failed... well let me ask you this...

within that whole day, did you use more or less than you did the day before? If the answer is less, you at least got a step in the right direction, even if you're not all the way there yet.

 

[elemenehei]

Take a break from work or whatever you are doing go visit a beloved friend stay at his house for some days . Tell him what is going on .
ASK help from people you trust . Break your daily routine and places you hang out .
Change the habits that have any relation with your addiction . there is no tomorrow if you feel like quiting . When you think doing it don't just sit down and watch the sceen of your computer or stay alone even if you feel like shit go DO something AS far away from your sources . visit shops even if you won't buy anything try on weird cloths that you would never wear . Make your self a gift every time you feel you overcome your disire to do crack . a small gift every little step like going to have a massage (put a friend give you a massage if you don't have money)have a haircut . go cut flowers from other people yards or balconies and put them in your room go feed the ugly pigeons go running walking jumping just do sth every time you think about it .If you sit there the same thought will loop over and over .

TELL your friends . and tell them you might call to weak them up just to talk

Oh and if you succumb don't blame yourself and don't feel your failing this will make it even harder We all hope hearing from you soon

 

[Missykins]

The first step is admitting that you have a problem, that crack has taken over your life, that you have no control
over your addiction, and you desperately want to quit but can't seem to be able to do it on your own.

I would strongly encourage you to find your local Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Don't worry about any other step
than Step One, which is what you said in your first post. Repeat it every day. Find the most approachable person
there who says the things that resonate with you the most and speak with him after a meeting. He will give his
phone number. He can be your temporary sponsor, someone you can call when you want to use, and you
can "check in."

Go to as many meetings as you can in a day. Keep your mouth closed (but introduce yourself and get your
surrender chip) and your mind open!

Rehab and NA is why I have six years. Moving is not why. Each time I moved, it took my four days to find
my connection. Moving is not the answer.

Your dealer does not have your sobriety in his best interests, so don't count on him to help you out!

PM me if you want more info and are afraid to ask.