I feel like I just cant do this anymore

[Kipo]

I seriously don't know what to do anymore. My life is falling apart right before my eyes and I feel like I can't do anything to stop it. I'm sick of school right now, I have three gym classes, an no lunch;all because of my total fucking up of last year. Last year I just drank and smoked weed all day long instead of going to school, I had to go to summer school but that still wasn't enough. I'm in my senior year now and my schedule for both semesters is filled to the brim. My parents have been coming down hard on me because of this. A few weeks ago they found some bud that I had and they were furious because I had told them I stopped. They threatened to drug test me from then on, so i said okay knowing i could always get some sort of jwh blend. I start buying some jwh and I stop going to school, i had been missing a few days here and there, but I haven't had a full day of school since last tuesday. I just stayed home getting rediculously blazed so I wouldnt have to think of my whole situation. I would just smoke spice to the point where I was almost tripping, it just wasn't enjoyable. I was paranoid as shit, but I kept on doing this. Eventualy my work kept piling up and up and I can't keep up with it anymore. Everyday i would smoke, say i would work on stuff after i was sober, or not smoke till i finished this assignment or that assignment. I would always forget about it and smoke more, I was eventually just smoking all day alone and vaping in the bathroom when my parents were home. Then comes yesterday, I had just finished smoking the last of what I had, I figured that it was time to stop this binge and go to school. I figured i could still smoke before school or something, so I tried to set up to get more. I should be getting more on tuesday and It is killing me.


I am extremley depressed right now. I dont know where my life is headed. I'm in the last year of my high school career, and I have no drivers licence, no future in school, im extremely depressed, My younger brother (by two years) knows more about driving than I do, my siblings get all the fucking praise and I get treated like a shit head drug addict, I lost my mothers side of the family due to a dispute years ago (Long story). I dont even feel like holding on to life anymore. I have no future, the only thing I feel like I can do is stay home and smoke. I didnt even feel like going to out to pick up. I haven't hung ou with anyone in weeks. I don't know what to do. All I could think of was to take 10 benedryl so that I can fall asleep and not have to be awake for this shit. Which i am eagerly awaiting. I hope you can all read this. I feel extremly confused at the moment so im sorry if it seems a bit jumbled.

 

[SaosinEngaged]

I can't offer any help other than by telling you you're not alone and your situation is not unique.

I have a great job, beautiful fiance, and am in the process of buying a house yet I'm the most depressed, miserable, hopeless, soul crushed, self-esteem lacking loser I could possibly envision. I do drugs to cope and my fiance and I got into perhaps the most extreme fight in my life this evening and it pretty much looks like this one is unrecoverable. That would be the tipping point to where I fall into a depraved catatonic state of discontent and misery.

Like I said, in my current state of mind I can't offer you any guidance or support, but I hope the fact that knowing you definitely aren't alone will cheer you up in the slightest. Tonight is one of the low points in my entire life and I'm having severe issues coping.

So, to quote you, I REALLY feel like I just can't do it anymore. I see everything around me spiraling into oblivion and I'm stuck at my keyboard looking for kinship and sympathy because I don't have the self-esteem or confidence to just cheer myself up and start making a change in my life.

Did I top ya?

Trust me, you'll be alright. Just take one day at a time and remember you're young and have your entire life ahead of you.

 

[herbavore]

Kipo--have you tried talking to your parents about why you want to be stoned all day--how hopeless and depressed you feel? Hopefully they will see how much pain you are in and not focus on the drugs but on your depression. If they are not supportive, you have to turn elsewhere. Could you ask to see a counselor? If you are already seeing one and you feel it isn't helping, could you change? Could you go to your school counselor and ask for help?

I know that it is hard to get motivated to seek help when you are already depressed. (I am dealing with that one right now myself!) Coming here and expressing your despair honestly is a step in that direction and I give you a lot of credit for doing it. Everything changes. There are options about how to finish high school and no timetable for when. Neither of my kids even wanted to drive in high school--they preferred their bikes and skateboards and didn't want to spend the $$ on gas. Looking back on when you learned to drive sometime in the future you will probably wonder why you ever worried about that!
The most important thing is for you to figure out how to start to heal from your hopelessness. It is totally possible. This depression may be completely temporary. High school and hormones and feeling unappreciated by your own family and being isolated from friends is a lot to deal with! You need somebody in your life to know how you are really feeling. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing.

SaosinEngaged--just like you offered your support to the OP I hope you will realize that you are not alone in this either. Have you checked out the Depression Mega thread? There is a lot of good information there. Good luck to you, too.

 

[Bojangles69]

FUCK bro you gotta see what you're doing to yourself I know how fucked up you feel but it is the same exact feeling of FEELING fucked up that it driving you further out of control.

Think about it. No matter which way it goes at some point very soon it is likely to stop. Whether you choose to or whether it is forced. So you might as well just make that choice. FUCK JWH, what does JWH have over you? You said its not even fun and that it makes you paranoid. But I guarantee you living life off JWH is much simpler and way more fullfilling than what you're doing now. So theres no real reason to even be apprehensive about making that decisions. IT JUST COMES DOWN TO DOING IT!

Unless there is something else you are not telling us that we should know. Why did you start using JWH or pot in the first place? Is it insecurities? Do you have *any* type of positive coping mechanisms can you use instead of JWH? Anything else you enjoy that isn't so harmful? For me its making music. Or at least find something that is not going to fuck with your brain in such a hardcore manner.

I don't know bro, decisions are ultimately made my noone other than ourselves. And when we hesitate to make certain decisions, we are provoked to make other worse decisions. It is very much a positive feedback loop like you see in other aspects of nature and humans are no different. You need to see the feedback loop getting out of hand and put a stop to it. That is it. If you're insecure and depressed thats one thing, if you wind up with some type of brain damage thats another thing. Love yourself man. Let the JWH go and let yourself grow, its not worth it.

 

[footscrazy]

I agree with Bojangles69's sentiment. As drug addicts I think it's common to want to wait until we have a reason to quit, or for a moment that makes us realise we can't use anymore, or to wake up one day and hope we just don't have the desire to do the drug anymore. Unfortunately, it doesnt happen that way. Quitting drugs feels like shit, there's no two ways about it. The only way to go about improving your life is to just do it. To put long term gain in front of instant gratification.

I'm not disputing that you feel absolutely terrible right now and that things look bleak for you, but there is a part if your brain that will take advantage of these thoughts, and turn them around into 'my life is so shit I may as well just get high all the time'. You can make a change though - our future is defined by the choices we make here and now. Your life is definitely not hopeless. You can definitely fix the issues you've brought up. Who cares if your brother can drive better than you, or even if you have to repeat a year at school. Life is a journey, and some of us take the scenic route.

 

[badfish45]

You aren't a bad person, but you've let a drug grab hold of your life. It's tough to kick this, but it's time to put the herb away and buckle down. You can't change your whole life in a year, but you can get yourself out of this haze that you're in right now. Find a motivator other than drugs. Isn't there a goal in your life that you would like to accomplish, something you want to learn, see, or experience. We live in an amazing world, and there is a life outside of drugs, and you can't let drugs become your ball and chain. Finish high school. I hate it as much as you do, but trust me there's more to life after it, you won't be in high school your whole life, try to enjoy what you can of it and make the best of it, some milestones in your life will be set here. Show your parents that you're worth more than getting stoned everyday, do something that might surprise them, or even something that might surprise yourself Think about it, is wasting your life worth getting high? I won't lie, getting stoned is fun, but you need to understand life's problems are still out there, sober or not, and getting stoned won't help them.

Believe me, I know how shitty life can be. I know all the stupid crap that people our age are forced to go through, and it isn't fair, but some things just aren't in your control. But other things are, and you need to take charge of your life and show everybody who thinks that you're a worthless drug addicted waste that you are worth more than that.

 

[Tude]

Maybe school isn't the right thing for you. Have you considered getting a GED? If you score high enough on that test, they'll give you a regular regular high school diploma. I have a friend that did that. You're still at a point where you have a future, but if you don't at least finish high school/get a GED, you're toast.

 

[HeWhoHowls]

his problem is that he keeps avoiding moving forward with his life and keeps sinking further into bad (familiar) habits.
your life isnt falling apart.
you are tearing it apart with your own actions.
All the advice in the world is meaningless if you're too scared and lazy to commit...

That's the tough love man.
Look at your situation for what it really is.
If you can turn your life into shit, you can reverse it.
The only thing that's stopping you is you.
Change that person...

 

[badfish45]

^ this.