This isn?t a continuation of my life story, just needed to vent and post because I have no one to talk to at the moment.
I?m 23 and not Okay. People always say the kids who?s been ?lucky? to have motivational people around them growing up and people to motivate them is a great thing. It actually sucks ass. I?m in law school been a square my whole life up until college. Didn?t do drugs drink party none of that. Probably because my mom was strict but also my escape was being in band. And it?s not how people say well maybe you?re acting out because you?ve been so sheltered and you finally have freedom, that?s not true either.
Honestly I feel like no one understands me. Sounds emo and dramatic af but I?m not talking about it that way. I?m probably the most caring, selfless, non judgemental and giving person you will ever meet. Like I?d seriously give a stranger the shirt off my back and I don?t need to know your story or get a cookie as congrats. But I?ve also been through shit most ppl will never go through their entire lives and yet all I want to do in the world is help people just make someone?s life better. I call it the Robin Williams affect, being so depressed and yet you surround yourself with people to make them feel better. Maybe I haven?t figured out how to make myself feel better yet.
I have my bachelors degree in political science and human rights , I can almost speak a second language (german) and I?ve worked for literally everything I have today. Like I seriously got my first phone in college because I bought it myself. I don?t blame anyone or anything on the shit I?ve dealt with. It?s life and it gives shitty cards and I have to find a way to deal them.
If i could have one thing in life it would probably be to feel loved. And not like the stereotypical sappy love although thats nice too, but to feel unconditional love. Someone that loves me when I?m hollow and broken and tattered and when I?m at my highest and when I feel like dying lol
not sure if I know what unconditional love feels like, being adopted doesn?t help and neither does being recently diagnosed with an incurable fucking stigmatized disease when you already feel alone. There?s a guy who makes me feel like I can breathe again and that scares the shit out of me. I?ve literally had guys tell me I?m the perfect catch and yet they still won?t stay. How can you give someone your all and still not be good enough, people suck lol. But this guy idk I could easily fall in love with him but I think I might scare him away. If you?re reading this, bare with me. You know who you are loll
I?m ranting and by now I?m sure you?re like wtf is wrong with you go get help lol I am don?t worry, just feel invisible sometimes and I?m tired of people telling me how successful I?m going to be when I?m screaming on the inside. This is what happens when you?re too nice loll but I?ll never stop being optimistic and giving, I won?t let this crappy world dull my smile.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk
I?m 23 and not Okay. People always say the kids who?s been ?lucky? to have motivational people around them growing up and people to motivate them is a great thing. It actually sucks ass. I?m in law school been a square my whole life up until college. Didn?t do drugs drink party none of that. Probably because my mom was strict but also my escape was being in band. And it?s not how people say well maybe you?re acting out because you?ve been so sheltered and you finally have freedom, that?s not true either.
Honestly I feel like no one understands me. Sounds emo and dramatic af but I?m not talking about it that way. I?m probably the most caring, selfless, non judgemental and giving person you will ever meet. Like I?d seriously give a stranger the shirt off my back and I don?t need to know your story or get a cookie as congrats. But I?ve also been through shit most ppl will never go through their entire lives and yet all I want to do in the world is help people just make someone?s life better. I call it the Robin Williams affect, being so depressed and yet you surround yourself with people to make them feel better. Maybe I haven?t figured out how to make myself feel better yet.
I have my bachelors degree in political science and human rights , I can almost speak a second language (german) and I?ve worked for literally everything I have today. Like I seriously got my first phone in college because I bought it myself. I don?t blame anyone or anything on the shit I?ve dealt with. It?s life and it gives shitty cards and I have to find a way to deal them.
If i could have one thing in life it would probably be to feel loved. And not like the stereotypical sappy love although thats nice too, but to feel unconditional love. Someone that loves me when I?m hollow and broken and tattered and when I?m at my highest and when I feel like dying lol
not sure if I know what unconditional love feels like, being adopted doesn?t help and neither does being recently diagnosed with an incurable fucking stigmatized disease when you already feel alone. There?s a guy who makes me feel like I can breathe again and that scares the shit out of me. I?ve literally had guys tell me I?m the perfect catch and yet they still won?t stay. How can you give someone your all and still not be good enough, people suck lol. But this guy idk I could easily fall in love with him but I think I might scare him away. If you?re reading this, bare with me. You know who you are loll
I?m ranting and by now I?m sure you?re like wtf is wrong with you go get help lol I am don?t worry, just feel invisible sometimes and I?m tired of people telling me how successful I?m going to be when I?m screaming on the inside. This is what happens when you?re too nice loll but I?ll never stop being optimistic and giving, I won?t let this crappy world dull my smile.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk