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i dont want to be like them

Mellabopper

Mellabopper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2000
Messages
3,811
Location
Boston
once up on a time
i didnt give a shit
about what you said about me or what he thought or what she said to me
i only cared about myself
and i was happy
being me
but over time
i lost my confidence
and i started to get annoyed
i disliked people
this girl was too loud and always talked too much
she didnt know when to shut up
well, i didnt want to be like her
because she annoyed me - i didnt want to be the annoying one.
so i became more quiet and reserved.
i shut the hell up and stopped giving my opinions
after a while i thought my opinions didnt matter.
someone else was a drama queen
i couldnt stand all of the bullshit
making everything something huge
when that everything didnt really matter all that much in the first place
well, i didnt want to be like her either
so i became aloof
i stopped making a big deal out of things
i thought i was doing myself some good.
and he had a huge ego
always talked about himself and how great he was
he carried himself as if he were too good for everyone else
i cant stand people like that
and i didnt want to be seen that way, either
so i stopped walking with my head so high
i started looking at the ground
i stopped talking about myself
until no one really knew a thing about me anymore.
this girl was always happy and friendly
always smiling, enjoying life
she knew everyone and everyone wanted to be her friend
i always thought 'she must be so fake. no one can always be happy'
i didnt want people to think i was fake,
so i started smiling less
i didnt say hi to new people
i stopped introducing myself
i took care of myself and that was all that mattered.
i also knew this guy who was never serious
i couldnt tell what was a joke and what was real
i got annoyed with not being able to figure it out.
i didnt want to be like him
so i lost my sense of humor
i became a realist
and damn serious along the way.
there was also a group of girls that i considered vain
they would take all day to get ready to go out at night
they had to have perfect makeup
perfect hair
perfect clothes and perfect legs
i didnt want to be seen as vain
so i stopped caring what i looked like as much
i stopped dressing up to go out
i stopped trying to look nice
i stopped trying to be pretty.
because i knew i would never be pretty enough.
then i met this one girl
who was quiet and reserved
who wasnt really interested in anything anymore
she didnt even say hi to me or smile as we passed in the hall
she was just looking slightly downward
i wasnt sure if she even brushed her hair that day.
i doubt that girl smiles much at all
or thinks highly of herself
she seems like a loner -
well i didnt want to be that girl, either.
but then i realized -
that is who i had become.
i was so worried about everyone else's bad traits
and how much i didnt want to have them
that i stopped being exciting
and i stopped being fun
i stopped caring
i stopped feeling pretty a long time ago.
and i started to get lonely
and i forgot how to live.
maybe i was too scared to try to be better
because i was afraid i would fail
or i was afraid of what others would say.
i look back and i cant believe how unreserved i was before
i was different and i was more than proud of it
now i'm just different.
indifferent.
and i forgot how to live.
9-16-01
Mellabopper
[This message has been edited by Mellabopper (edited 17 September 2001).]
 
there's a saying that goes,
"My one regret in life is that i was not someone else."
People change... its part of life. but i believe that no matter who you are SHAPED to be, there always remains the ghost of who was once YOU, for as long as you live. there's the person you were when it didnt matter.... the person you were before you started caring what people think, before you started thinking you weren't good enough, or popular enough, or pretty enough.
sometimes we lose sight of that person. we forget that he or she exists. but we never really lose that image. it just takes some people forever to remember who that person used to be. lucky for you, you realized it sooner than later, that the person you once were is someone worth everyone knowing.
all you can be is yourself. and let people love that person. a person who is true to themselves and strong at heart, and who isn't afraid to be THEMSELVES, no matter who that is, is a person deserving of a lifetime of happiness and endless friends.
dont cheat yourself. go out into the world with confidence.
you always seem to put my thoughts into words mella dear. thanks for enlightening us tonight.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~~ Helen Keller
 
I agree with Ice 9
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what a huge realization to make, mel. i feel that i've been there before but i didn't even consciously know i was thinking these things. now your writing brings it all back.
thanks ((hugs))
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"curiouser and curiouser..." -alice
 
wow. that is so awesome. i loved not only the poem, but E-Girl's response, especially this part:
but i believe that no matter who you are SHAPED to be, there always remains the ghost of who was once YOU, for as long as you live.... all you can be is yourself. and let people love that person. a person who is true to themselves and strong at heart, and who isn't afraid to be THEMSELVES...
Click to expand...
wow. are you a psychologist? professional poet? mind-reader??
excellent advice my friend. words that all of us should take to heart, and remember for the rest of our lives.
smile.gif
 
i just saw this quote on my calendar and i thought of this post:
...people who loved you and even those who refused to love you shaped you into what you are today and gave you the tools you need to shape your own tomorrow.
-Thomas Kinkade
Click to expand...
smile everybody!
smile.gif

------------------
once known as ravergurl83
aim: extatic83
 
"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."
-John F. Kennedy
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Love the life you lead, just lead the life you love...
 
Mella- you are one of the most beautiful, unique, and special people i have EVER met. No one could be like you if they tried. Your traits blew me away and they continue to blow me away with your words. I love what you are and I love having a friend that is as wonderful as you.
I appreciate you Mella.
 
Damn girl. This hits home all too well. It's so nice to realize that you don't have to hold on to all of that... so amazing to let go of so much of it.
Keep writing, Mell. Your journey inspires people.
 
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