I dont think I want to give up?

[Effex26]

I have been on heroin about 5 years now and have recently start shooting up. I have always wanted to but my fear of needles stopped me. I eventually just said fuck it and when going through a hard time I found myself shooting up.

I have tried rehab which was meant to last 6 weeks but I ended up leaving after only 7 days. I thought I had wanted to kick the habit but when I went in (start of this year) I realised that I didnt. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like I have a more miles in me yet. I keep waiting for a light switch to go off in my head where I suddenly want to give up but its not happening.

Do I have to hit my rock bottom before I do something? I think I am too comfortable. I live at home with my dad and working full time. I have debts but nothing too unmanageable at the moment. I can act normally in work and pretend like I have no problems. How do I make myself want to give up??

 

[Colmes]

I have been on heroin about 5 years now and have recently start shooting up. I have always wanted to but my fear of needles stopped me. I eventually just said fuck it and when going through a hard time I found myself shooting up.

I have tried rehab which was meant to last 6 weeks but I ended up leaving after only 7 days. I thought I had wanted to kick the habit but when I went in (start of this year) I realised that I didnt. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like I have a more miles in me yet. I keep waiting for a light switch to go off in my head where I suddenly want to give up but its not happening.

Do I have to hit my rock bottom before I do something? I think I am too comfortable. I live at home with my dad and working full time. I have debts but nothing too unmanageable at the moment. I can act normally in work and pretend like I have no problems. How do I make myself want to give up??

You already know you want to give it up; if you did not, this post would never have been made. You also would not be asking yourself how to "make myself want to give up" That sounds like your subconscious knowing you know you've gone too far, battling the physical and mental addiction to heroin. I cant tell you how to quit; I think everyone responds differently to types of therapy. Maybe you need to consider the possibility of being on suboxone for as long (permanently?) as you need; the addiction you have may be too deep rooted into your daily activities and life coping mechanisms that you would relapse without having something to always curb the strong physical and mental urges.

Take action while you have the chance, or care, to ask yourself "Have I hit rock bottom?" Better now with a plan, then in 10 years of wondering, maybe with no job, a deeper addiction, and less wanting to even get better. You clearly have self esteem or you wouldnt even be contemplating stopping; but I think that self esteem/self respect can be lost over more years of IV heroin use. Again as to what specific treatment; I dont know how you respond to suboxone, but if you gave it time it may be something you could adjust to.

Goodluck.

 

[paranoid android]

Well im pretty sure you want to give it up as you made this post. So wanting to give it up is certainly a start. As for actually giving it a honest try i found i had to reach a certain point where the shit was no longer fun at all and the negatives where far outweighing the benefits for me to quit. Atleast thats how i quit alcohol or thats the reason why i quit. I think anyway . That and the fact i probably would not be typing this if i had not quit because im pretty sure i would be dead.

I have a similar story when it comes to the needle. I have been on opiates for 5 or 6 years now for pain and pleasure. I didnt touch a needle until last christmas and i knew before i stuck that needle in my arm just how bad things could get and how i probably would not want to do the stuff any other way again. But i still stuck that needle full of dilaudid in my arm

Often it takes a person many tries before they can quit and everyone has their own method. Have you tried suboxone or anything? That might not be a bad option for you seing as youve been on the stuff gor a long ass time.

 

[Effex26]

Thanks for the replies. I haven't tried suboxone because I dont even know what it is. I am in Ireland so all we have at the moment is methadone as a substitute to opiates. I have been taking that for the last 3 years approx. and I still use on top of that so its obviously not working for me! It does however help me have a more stable life and helps me keep down a full time job as I dont have to worry about getting sick if I dont score. I know if I didnt have the methadone I would probably be in a much worse place.

I think I am going to try NA. I have also heard of another group not too far from me for addicts aspiring to be clean. I have said this before but I have actually made plans next week to go with someone so maybe something will be said or someone there will help me motivate myself to becoming clean.

As to using the needle, I have not been doing it every day. Mostly because I am freaked out that I will OD or something and nobody will find me for hours. I am living at home with my dad and sister but I lock my bedroom door and they usually leave me to it for hours and usually the whole day. But then my head will get wrecked over something and I will just bang up to help.

Thanks for the info

 

[Detrevni]

If you could get Suboxone I think that would be a great start. It seems to help stop cravings as good or better than methadone, and it's has such a high affinity that it really makes it hard to get high for at least a whole day after you take it.

 

[Depressicaa]

By responsibility.
You have a carefree life and aren't pressured. You won't stop unless there is some sort of pressure. A job that needs you to be clean, a child borne by a significant other, the costs getting to high. As long as you are under this threshold, you are a comfortable addict. Once your comfort is gone you will need to stop.

Easy way? Join the military. The rest will be very hard though, and if you aren't disciplined you will return to your habit.

 

[Bojangles69]

Yeh obviously this thread means a part of you wants to stop.. but that doesn't exactly mean anything.
Ask any smoker how often they contemplate quitting and you're likely to hear "everyday I wake up". But most of them keep smoking.

I want you to understand theres a pretty big difference between thinking 5-10 times a day you want to stop, vs OBSESSING about it every single second of the day you're awake. This is why I say its not about wanting to stop, its a progression of wanting to stop to the point where it overcomes your desire to use.
Does that mean 51% wanting to quit and 49% wanting to use? Before you quit? No lol, thats stupid, humans don't work like that.

You have a certain rationale or belief system that keeps you using. Its really the strength of that belief system you have to overcome. So its relative to the strength of how badly you want to quit.
I will tell you I had every bit of logic worked out in my head as to why its ok for me to use drugs. And my beliefs WERE STRONG. But as time progressed, and things slowly got worse, my reasons for stopping became stronger and stronger.
I remember May14th before this past summer as they day my reasons for quitting overweighed my reasons for using. That day means nothing to anyone else, its not even the day my clean time started, but its absolutely the day I figured out I genuinely WANTED/NEEDED to stop using drugs.
And everyday after that has been an effort towards quitting (minus like a couple weeks maybe).
How it felt in my head the week before May 14th was this:
The SECOND I woke up "I hate my life, drugs have done this, I'm boring, my life is boring, I have no spirit to live, I NEED TO QUIT, I HAVE TO QUIT, I CAN'T TAKE THIS". Those were the types of thoughts going through my head EVERY SECOND of EVERYDAY.

Along with thoughts of "I can't wait to get high today". I believe thats the process a lot of addicts go through (at least the ones who voluntarily decide to quit). And you can absolutely speed that process up by just obsessing about it more imo. Its the same way I quit smoking years and years ago was I purposely drove myself crazy in my head untill months passed by and I broke down and quit.
Same process with drugs. And of course this was only my experience. For other people it could be different for all I know.

 

[ungovernable73]

im in similer position,live with my mum work(when i absolutly have to).
like someone said we got it too easy, as much as i want to quit at the moment
i dont really need to, well i do but you know wot i mean and i been usin 15 year or so

 

[paranoid android]

By responsibility.
You have a carefree life and aren't pressured. You won't stop unless there is some sort of pressure. A job that needs you to be clean, a child borne by a significant other, the costs getting to high. As long as you are under this threshold, you are a comfortable addict. Once your comfort is gone you will need to stop.

Easy way? Join the military. The rest will be very hard though, and if you aren't disciplined you will return to your habit.

Ive had lotsa responsibilities especially during my drinking days as i lived on my own and had to fend for myself. It did not stop me one bit really and if someone told me to stop drinking or even cut down my usual reply was fuck off and mind your own . I can't count how many times i simply didnt eat do to blowing my cash on booze or drugs or having to scrape up rent money by selling certain stuff when i had already blown my cash. To put it simply if someone had kicked my ass out on the street i would burn the place down behind me (i have a wicked temper sometimes ) go chug some booze and sleep wherever. Noone on the face of the planet could have stopped me from drinking except me when i finally quit.

As for my opiate addiction i seem to be able to quit or atleast slow down that easier. When i lived with my g/f i never spent money that we needed for food, rent or whatever on drugs i always managed to keep that in check for the most part. Maybe that was simply because hurting yourself is one thing but hurting someone you love more then life itself is something alot worse.

Never can tell with me as im a weird motherfucker