I dont need quality when I'm angry.

[harraser]

I want to have the simple things that are mine to have.
I want to have the things that are there for the taking;
Happy to be taken.
But I can't have them
Because I don't want to deal with the sadness in your eyes,
And I can't take them
Because I don't want to have to deal with the quiet hurt that's in your voice
This is a guilt I shouldn't feel.
Your jealousy is not a worthy cause.

And why should someone else's problems be mine?
I never agreed to a working arrangement.
A partnership.
How do you cancel an unspoken agreement?
I broke my own rule.
Now the consequences are mine.
But it's so hard being calm
When everything is an unwilling compromise
And your space to unwind is a claustrophobic hell.

I hate having a fucking girlfriend.

And whats to be said to all the assumptions that result from a lack of communication?
You know what they say about assumptions....

 

[neverwas]

...

...assumptions is the mother of all fuck ups...

enough said...

 

[harraser]

She will probably never read this, but none the less...

I was such a self-absorbed fuck and it makes me sick to read this. I lost something truly wonderful because I couldn't stop thinking "what if" every time I saw another short skirt. And in my life with a policy of "no regrets" this one is one that seems to be an exception to the rule.

I dont necessarily wish things had gone differently. I understand she is very happy and head over heels for some other lucky guy now. And I've been quite happy too. But someone who treated me so well deserved better that to have a post like this made public, or to have the thoughts thought at all.

My sincerest apologies Kel, for what little its worth. I hope the rest of your life gives you everything I was too selfish to.

I value the memories as some of my best.

-Ant