herbavore
Bluelight Crew
I am so happy to hear that you have this source of strength and clarity to draw on, Pagey. 
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TDS I don't need heroin anymore - and I've never felt this happy
- Thread starter Pagey
- Start date
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Thank you herby 
I do feel genuinely happy and strong for the first time in many years.
I do feel genuinely happy and strong for the first time in many years.yeah- that's the insidious nature of drugs and opiates especially: you get to thinking you can't live without them. That is, of course, a complete lie. You lived for many years without heroin, right? Sure, you had your ups and downs but you lived without heroin. My approach has been to use therapy to find out why I took recourse to self-medicating. For me, unrelenting anxiety and depression have been key factors. I'm trying to deal with those problems as I wean off my opiate dose. Unlike what I thought- no calamities have fallen on me from removing opiates from my life. Plus, I'm learning how to live with my anxiety/depression- finding ways to cope. If you're self-medicating like me, get help. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Very much like you, I moved to a completely different part of the US and just didn't explore and appreciate it as much as I could have without the drugs. Well, what's done is done. One thing, it made me realize happiness cannot be found on a map. I think for some reason I thought it could be...
Very much like you, I moved to a completely different part of the US and just didn't explore and appreciate it as much as I could have without the drugs. Well, what's done is done. One thing, it made me realize happiness cannot be found on a map. I think for some reason I thought it could be...
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
That is the key. you have to find "home" in yourself. The wonderful thing is that it is actually already there. You don't have to create it, just find it and then learn to relax into it. The mind is a wild place, full of all sorts of learned responses and old instincts, but it is also quite soft and malleable. Retraining your mind away from negative habits is a lifelong rewarding practice. Many people are born and die without ever trying. Congrats to all who do. You move us collectively forward.
Nocturne83
Bluelighter
I hope I can feel the same way. I want to be rid of heroin as well, due to the fact that I've not been in good health since I made the switch from oxies. I want to be rid of it all, and live a clean life. Still, this is coming from a person who is only one day sober. :/
TheGame985
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2013
- Messages
- 36
Can someone explain to me what "aMT" or if they meant "MT" what that means? I'm new and not so familiar with the acronyms/lingo.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
aMT is a tryptamine.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Hey so I thought I'd make a quick update in case anyone is wondering -
I haven't used at all since I made this thread, although to be perfectly honest I've had a really shit week. I went through the worst of the physical withdrawals two or three weeks ago so those were manageable this time round but the psychological stuff has really been getting to me. Early last week I found a bunch of oxys in my room, which led to a bit of a crisis, but I ended up flushing them - and a couple days ago my H dealer, whose number I had deleted, texted me, which led to an even bigger crisis, but I told him I was trying to get clean and deleted his number again, so so far so good I guess.
I've been having absolutely insane mood swings and been going from motivated like when I wrote that first post, to (literally) wanting to kill myself in 5 seconds. Towards the middle of last week I honestly had what I think was the emptiest and bleakest day of my whole life, but I was really ready to die to avoid using again. Anyway, it's hard to see a reason to go on without gear in those moments but there are some where I see the light at the end of the tunnel as well, and I suppose those make hanging on worth it.
So yeah, I just wanted to say it can be done I guess...not that I'm anywhere near out of this yet, but I think I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Or I hope so anyway. And I especially hope some of you great people on here will be able to soon as well
I haven't used at all since I made this thread, although to be perfectly honest I've had a really shit week. I went through the worst of the physical withdrawals two or three weeks ago so those were manageable this time round but the psychological stuff has really been getting to me. Early last week I found a bunch of oxys in my room, which led to a bit of a crisis, but I ended up flushing them - and a couple days ago my H dealer, whose number I had deleted, texted me, which led to an even bigger crisis, but I told him I was trying to get clean and deleted his number again, so so far so good I guess.
I've been having absolutely insane mood swings and been going from motivated like when I wrote that first post, to (literally) wanting to kill myself in 5 seconds. Towards the middle of last week I honestly had what I think was the emptiest and bleakest day of my whole life, but I was really ready to die to avoid using again. Anyway, it's hard to see a reason to go on without gear in those moments but there are some where I see the light at the end of the tunnel as well, and I suppose those make hanging on worth it.
So yeah, I just wanted to say it can be done I guess...not that I'm anywhere near out of this yet, but I think I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Or I hope so anyway. And I especially hope some of you great people on here will be able to soon as well
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
^It's great that you were able to experience "one of the worst days of your life" without using anything. It is also empowering that you were able to recognize that the feeling that you "need gear to go on" is actually limited to a few moments at a time because it is sometimes easy to think that it will never end.