I wonder what it is about this time of year that just makes me want to tell the world to fuck off before putting a gun to my head. You'd think the imminence of summer and vacation and the sun finally coming out would make everything better but apparently not. Exams, house-hunting, job-hunting, internship-hunting and kicking my smack habit once and for all is all I've got to look forward to in these next few weeks and I just don't fucking want to deal with it. And because I'm a massive idiot and didn't plan my day right, I now find myself at the end of an oxy binge and a few months of non-stop opiate use, from codeine to heroin, with nothing for tonight. So on top of wanting to kill myself with my drugs around, I'm gonna have to deal with not having them tonight and starting withdrawals and it's just going to be hell. Am already freaking out just at the prospect and they haven't even kicked in yet.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this. Once I finish my exams and hopefully get all the other shit taken care of I'm just going to go back home and stay with my parents over the summer and get into fights with them every single night. It's not going to be any better. It never fucking is. So what's the point? I don't even know what I'm working towards or why I'm even bothering to go to uni. I don't want my life to go on like this but there's no way out. Except drugs. And now I have to stop that too. Feels so fucking unfair.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this. Once I finish my exams and hopefully get all the other shit taken care of I'm just going to go back home and stay with my parents over the summer and get into fights with them every single night. It's not going to be any better. It never fucking is. So what's the point? I don't even know what I'm working towards or why I'm even bothering to go to uni. I don't want my life to go on like this but there's no way out. Except drugs. And now I have to stop that too. Feels so fucking unfair.
