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I don't know where to turn with heroin relapse. Any ideas?

R

Rakastan

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 8, 2014
Messages
14
I was clean 15 years, and 9 days ago I picked the habit up again. It's like no time passed. I need help ASAP. I think I should be able to stop using without going through terrible withdrawal. But I need mental health treatment or I'll just start again in a few days. I called some helplines, and was given numbers for methadone clinics, but that's not what I need.

I don't know what I need or where I can get help. I'm on Medicaid because I'm being treated for cancer, and I live in CT. Don't know if that info will help. But I'm panicking and desperate, and if anyone can point me in the right direction it'd be greatly appreciated. I do not want to do AA/NA. They have never worked for me in the past, and I am very put off by the model.
 
Sorry to hear that man. Out of curiosity do you know what triggered a relapse after such a long period? Did it have to do with your diagnosis or pain from the cancer at all or was it something else entirely? How much were you using?

Just trying to get a better feel fro your situation, as I'm not exactly sure what you are looking for. I would definitely stop using asap. If you weren't using too heavily then you hopefully won't be too sick or anything.

Hang in there man! I know you feel down right now, but don't beat yourself up too much. If you stop now you'll nip this in the bud and you'll be able take it as a learning experience.


What part of CT you in if you don't mind me asking? I'm about 20 minutes or so out of New Haven.
 
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Don't underestimate yourself, that 15 years didn't come from nowhere, put it down and carry on like nothing happened. If you think you need mental health help I would say go to your doctor but you're US so it's not quite that simple.

Any SMART meetings near you?
 
Carl Landrover said:
Sorry to hear that man. Out of curiosity do you know what triggered a relapse after such a long period? Did it have to do with your diagnosis or pain from the cancer at all or was it something else entirely? How much were you using?

Just trying to get a better feel fro your situation, as I'm not exactly sure what you are looking for. I would definitely stop using asap. If you weren't using too heavily then you hopefully won't be too sick or anything.

Hang in there man! I know you feel down right now, but don't beat yourself up too much. If you stop now you'll nip this in the bud and you'll be able take it as a learning experience.


What part of CT you in if you don't mind me asking? I'm about 20 minutes or so out of New Haven.
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I'm in Middletown (I'm a girl, by the way). And it's not as simple as just stopping. Yeah, I can do that, but it's not going to stick. I think I just lost control of my life. My boss dropped dead unexpectedly so I lost my job. Then I nearly died because my gallbladder became infected. Then my closest friend was killed by another friend, who is now in prison. That all took place over 8 weeks. Then, 6 months to the day after my boss died, I found out I had a very aggressive cancer. During chemo, I lost my house because I had no income and spent all my savings trying to keep up with the mortgage. Made it through treatment only to find out I have a painful autoimmune disease. I don't respond to normal medicines for that, and if I don't get it under control I'll lose my intestines. So I'm going to have to take a new kind of chemo. That chemo makes it likely that my cancer will come back.

So I need help. I guess I didn't give enough detail. I need like the final part of rehab, the relapse prevention part. I did good for so long, but I finally reached a breaking point where I decided to give up on sobriety. I'm going to stop so i don't get sick, but I know I'll go back to it. I'm just defeated and alone. Not depressed at all, but quite overwhelmed. I did see a therapist for about a year but I ultimately didn't feel like it helped. She'd tell me to do things like have CDs playing while I slept that encouraged my intestines to heal themselves. I'm not really into that.
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
Don't underestimate yourself, that 15 years didn't come from nowhere, put it down and carry on like nothing happened. If you think you need mental health help I would say go to your doctor but you're US so it's not quite that simple.

Any SMART meetings near you?
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I've never heard of a SMART meeting. I'm guessing you aren't in the US, so maybe we don't have them here. But I'll look and see.
 
SMART is not very common anywhere but it exists even in my small city--only one meeting a week. But there are always the online meetings they offer so google SMART and put in your zip code. They have a very different approach and philosophy to AA but I believe the two can complement each other if you feel you need more community around you IRL.
 
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After explaining the 15 years sobriety then all the problems it now makes sense as relapse is the last thing to happen. Actually picking up and using is the last point in the process and being a snowball addict myself I feel relapse coming if I am feeling strong n in a good place I deal with it n don't pick up but if pressure and stress is building I pick up.

I never understand why doctors (in the UK) any way do not prescribe benzos at the point before you pick up to give you that breathing space between relapse and picking up benzo r strong and addictive I know but surely to save 15 years sobriety the benefits outweigh the risks correctly managed.

Also a lapse does not have to turn into a relapse, I have battled crack and heroin addiction 20 years, and I can not get through to any doc or shrink in UK when I am on methadone and Valium 40ml daily I can live life relatively normal and this seem to be the only thing that works for me as when stress is building the meth and vals are there to keep me sane and as I said the benefit is better than injectiong crack n heroin into my groin.

Go see a dock get some Valium 40ml daily 9a.m., 1 p.m., 6 p.m. and 10ml before bed and Valium builds in your system so within a week you will feel much stronger to deal n move on but loom at what led to this lapse and plan strategies to deal with them in the future do you have a good friend to lean on also.

Just be aware when ready to stop vals to reduce slowly at your pace awareness is the key n never let it up keep your awareness as sharp as ever as silly things can lead to lapse people think you have to be sad I have relapsed in any mood but the pressure and events you explained is no shock a lapse crept up on you.

Get help but start with doc that would be my advice remember addiction is for life and you can be a clean addict again I thought my clean times where good but 15 years straight is an achievement do not beat your self up n loose that for anything you are strong and you may have lost your way a little the road has become a little rocky but with your vigilance you will get there again I am sure GOOD LUCK YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT SOME MAY THINK WE ARE HUMAN AND FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.
 
Rakastan said:
I'm in Middletown (I'm a girl, by the way). And it's not as simple as just stopping. Yeah, I can do that, but it's not going to stick. I think I just lost control of my life. My boss dropped dead unexpectedly so I lost my job. Then I nearly died because my gallbladder became infected. Then my closest friend was killed by another friend, who is now in prison. That all took place over 8 weeks. Then, 6 months to the day after my boss died, I found out I had a very aggressive cancer. During chemo, I lost my house because I had no income and spent all my savings trying to keep up with the mortgage. Made it through treatment only to find out I have a painful autoimmune disease. I don't respond to normal medicines for that, and if I don't get it under control I'll lose my intestines. So I'm going to have to take a new kind of chemo. That chemo makes it likely that my cancer will come back.

So I need help. I guess I didn't give enough detail. I need like the final part of rehab, the relapse prevention part. I did good for so long, but I finally reached a breaking point where I decided to give up on sobriety. I'm going to stop so i don't get sick, but I know I'll go back to it. I'm just defeated and alone. Not depressed at all, but quite overwhelmed. I did see a therapist for about a year but I ultimately didn't feel like it helped. She'd tell me to do things like have CDs playing while I slept that encouraged my intestines to heal themselves. I'm not really into that.
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My goodness I really can not believe they told you to use CD if I knew a CD could have saved me 20 years ago I could have saved my self a lot of time and heartache lol. That's why I can never get on with them I think the only good addiction counsellors are the ones who have been there themselves and totally understand we have some defincency that enables us to process things in a way normal people do not we only know that our poison, be what it is, is our way of dealing with emotions I think cause I used some drug or another from a young age 12 my emotional responses have not developed normally as adults do when growing so what others see as trivial addicts can see as major and pressure themselves and feel inadequate then before you know it your reaching for the poison of your choice. I wish you well and P.m. me anytime always here to help :-)
 
Thanks for the information and insight everyone. I will definitely check out SMART, as soon as I recover from what is apparently the worst cold of my life. If I have any withdrawal (should I choose to stop right now, which I almost did but failed) I wouldn't know because I am that sick. Anyway, I made an appointment with my doctor. I decided to ask for a referral to a place that can give me the help I need, not just for drugs but also for everything else. I don't have anyone to talk to and I don't think it's healthy. I walk around feeling shell shocked half the time. But the appointment is not til next Tuesday, and I did not practice proper needle procedures. I forgot that my immune system is weird. So it seems I may be developing an abscess, and if so, I'm not waiting a week.

Also, IBD is Inflammatory Bowel Disease, as opposed to IBS, which is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Despite the similar names, they are actually quite different. IBD is when your immune system sees your digestive system as a foreign object and tries to destroy it. IBS causes a lot of misery, but as far as I know the cause is still unknown.

I do have prescriptions for both Valium and Ativan. But I rarely take them because I don't want to get dependent. Perhaps I should consider taking them, as benzos are one of the few classes of drugs that don't give me any feeling that I could see myself abusing them to achieve. I have, on rare occasions, taken massive doses of Valium when I had major jet lag and had to sleep. But it's never done much except knock me out.

I have to say that junkies and other addicts of "real" drugs tend to be some of the smartest and nicest people i know. All of you add to that impression. I leave silly pothead kids out of that blanket statement, though I was one years ago. But these forums are, for the most part, incredibly supportive. And as I'm sure you all know, that is what is needed sometimes. I'm going to print out all these responses so I can refer back to them in the next few days.
 
Just a little update. I'm in the ER now because my mom got a look at my arm and apparently it's seriously infected. So I guess I don't have to wait until next week to get referred somewhere. Unlike most people, I feel safe at the hospital because I've spent so much time here. But the wait is long today, and I'm feeling a little guilty because I just <used> while lying on the stretcher. Makes the wait nicer, at least.
 
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Ha I have no idea what I typed that was edited out but I apologize. Apparently I did a lot of damage in a short amount of time. My arm is massively infected, I have a blood infection, a heart infection and a heart murmur I didn't have a few weeks ago. I'm going to be in here a while.

And IV is like the last stop on the train to hell.
 
Rakastan said:
Ha I have no idea what I typed that was edited out but I apologize. Apparently I did a lot of damage in a short amount of time. My arm is massively infected, I have a blood infection, a heart infection and a heart murmur I didn't have a few weeks ago. I'm going to be in here a while.

And IV is like the last stop on the train to hell.
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I´m very sorry to hear that
 
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