I'm unhappy, depressed and suicidal and I don't know why really. I have ideas but god knows. I'm taking my meds, as much as I'm allowed. I need stronger anxiety meds k-pins at 2mg isn't cutting the generalized anxiety.
But then again, Sean is causing it. I think there are things he isn't telling me. Things that could happen to him. How he can't seem to get it together and now for some reason I don't want to tell him I love him right now. That makes me sad. His phone is off so he can't comfort me.
When he asked. I said nothing and lay next to him and cried. whats the point? Can I expect him to be as open as I am. I have no secrets from him. Trust in communication is all you have in a relationship.
He had to sleep all day, whats the point of being here to be with me watching TV for 2 hours or so.I felt lonely even with him here. I don't know what to do. I feel he has a hole he can't dig out of and I have willingly put myself in it, and now I can't help him out. See OWI...
I care for him so much. Maybe I put my feelings in too fast again!!!! And now its going to fall apart. When he made me happy SO happy, how can I give it up?
Why? Why do I have to be depressed and suicidal again when I have been so happy. Why me? Thats the question? Why must I always feel so much pain?
I have therapy in a few weeks...but its not like I WANT to spill everything first appt.
Go to therapy and then see about new meds. because the 2mg k-pins isn't cutting even the generalized anxiety, and that's what I'm supposed to take for panic attacks.
I need something. Last night I sunk to huffing duster just to change the way I feel...I'm sick. I'm am so mentally sick.
So fucking worthless. Why should Sean drive here and risk trouble to see me? I have no job, I can't drive all the time. I'm worthless, lost my job because I'm stupid and now I'm too stupid to pass a test to get one. I guess I'm gonna have to buck up, take a job I hate, with bad hours just to make it. Sean does.
I want to plea for help, but I can only help myself but i don't know how and it takes time. Its all treatable but never curable. I'm just fucked. why live this way!
But then again, Sean is causing it. I think there are things he isn't telling me. Things that could happen to him. How he can't seem to get it together and now for some reason I don't want to tell him I love him right now. That makes me sad. His phone is off so he can't comfort me.
When he asked. I said nothing and lay next to him and cried. whats the point? Can I expect him to be as open as I am. I have no secrets from him. Trust in communication is all you have in a relationship.
He had to sleep all day, whats the point of being here to be with me watching TV for 2 hours or so.I felt lonely even with him here. I don't know what to do. I feel he has a hole he can't dig out of and I have willingly put myself in it, and now I can't help him out. See OWI...
I care for him so much. Maybe I put my feelings in too fast again!!!! And now its going to fall apart. When he made me happy SO happy, how can I give it up?
Why? Why do I have to be depressed and suicidal again when I have been so happy. Why me? Thats the question? Why must I always feel so much pain?
I have therapy in a few weeks...but its not like I WANT to spill everything first appt.
Go to therapy and then see about new meds. because the 2mg k-pins isn't cutting even the generalized anxiety, and that's what I'm supposed to take for panic attacks.
I need something. Last night I sunk to huffing duster just to change the way I feel...I'm sick. I'm am so mentally sick.
So fucking worthless. Why should Sean drive here and risk trouble to see me? I have no job, I can't drive all the time. I'm worthless, lost my job because I'm stupid and now I'm too stupid to pass a test to get one. I guess I'm gonna have to buck up, take a job I hate, with bad hours just to make it. Sean does.
I want to plea for help, but I can only help myself but i don't know how and it takes time. Its all treatable but never curable. I'm just fucked. why live this way!