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I don't know what to do.

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karotkake94

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2013
Messages
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Hello everyone. You can call me Karrot. I just need to vent right now, I got a lot on my mind. I'm having comedowns from meth and the depression factor is really starting to kick in. I apologize if my post is all over the place. I've been doing meth for almost 2 years. I stopped for a little over 3 months, and I just relapsed last night. Every time I use, I promise myself "never again". But it always ends up the same. I'm in trade school out of my home state, and it is virtually impossible to stay sober here. I got presented with the opportunity to use last night and I immediately took it, no questions asked. I haven't been in touch with my sponsor in a few weeks, and I haven't attended any 12 step meetings. I don't really know what I'm trying to say exactly. But I want help to stop permanently, but I know I can't do it on my own. I don't want to tell any friends or family that I relapsed because they think I'm doing good just because I'm doing well in classes. If I'm not drinking or using, I'm always obsessing over it. I want to go to rehab, but I'm uninsured and unemployed (hence the reason why I'm in school). And I am legally homeless. I don't really know what kind of decent treatment I can get in my situation. So if someone could reply to this and give me any helpful information, that would be great.
 
Dude, first things first. Contact your sponsor. Then tell your family bro! You obviously can't be too far down the rabbit hole for your family and friends not to notice.
I've only done ICE twice as the U.K ( thankfully) hasn't really caught on yet. But all addictions are the same. I've been to 5 rehabs and the only reason the last time worked is because I'd fallen so far, I couldn't get anymore rock bottom. Swim was selling kgs of coke and smoking half oz's of crack a day, not to mention injecting grams of heroin 4 times a day. Shen I tell people that, they think I'm lying and it's impossible. You as a drug user know how easy it is wind through.

My point is, you NEED help. It doesn't have to be anyone you know. Your local drug team can get you into a program. I never did the 12 step program because I don't believe their philosophies. I believe once you are TRUELY ready to quit, you will. It makes no difference where you are, you'll always find drugs if you're looking.
I'm kindaclean and I could score anything within 30 minutes, the difference is, I don't crave that shat anymore, and you can be the same. Baby steps. You might not think that you're moving quick enough, but if you can slowly change your routine, your attitude etc, the rest will follow.
I tell everyone I meet, the power is in you, not a higher power, not a counsellor, it's you! And once you're truly ready inside, you'll need the help. But if you aren't ready, and you know you aren't, you'll relapse every time. And that's coming from someone with no veins, 6ft 3", at the point I went to rehab I was 120lbs. I'm now 234lbs and feel great. You can too brother.
I wish you all the best, and I mean that bro. Addiction isn't the choice the police would like people to think.
 
Kindaclean is right bro. I'm in a similar boat. I hit rock bottom! Hard and fast..
I have been picked up off the floor by my dad's own hands. He said to me I better get to the hospital. And sort my own life out because I would have ended up falling another 6ft.
You just have to think and stay positive..most rehabilitated addicts slip up but the choice is up to you my friend. The next time you think about using pick up a tennis ball and throw it at the wall a few times.. or something to take your mind from its path.

All the best..remember this forum is here for this reasons
 
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