It feels like Sean has just been avoiding me well for a long time. I know part of it was being all BPD because I quit taking my meds but I am now.
First he is sick for 3 days.
Then I can't because I need the extra hour of sleep for work and I never want to go home.
Today, I don't even have my evening classes, but he has to do homework for SEIDA.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? NO WAY that could take all day.
I said it felt like he was avoiding me...
what did I get text back?
"Fuck you"
I said it FELT like.
I don't know what to do!! I'm hurt, sad, depressed, lonely and there isn't ONE fucking drug in this WHOLE DAMN HOUSE to make feel a little better! So all I have is to cut and I WILL NOT do that. I don't know if I can even stop once I start seeing the blood running down my wrist.
So all I can do is sit here and cry...
and wait to see if he feels like texting me again or not.
This feels like repeating my last relationship, feeling single and sleeping alone a lot, but not being so. Being told things like that when you say the wrong thing (Sean doesn't do it often at all). And the pulling away...Michael pulled away more and more until he just said he didn't want me anymore...perhaps thats what I fear so much.
God, I'm glad no one can see mr cry...I have more over this this week than I have over him. (Other than fights and crap.)
GOD DAMN IT!
First he is sick for 3 days.
Then I can't because I need the extra hour of sleep for work and I never want to go home.
Today, I don't even have my evening classes, but he has to do homework for SEIDA.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? NO WAY that could take all day.
I said it felt like he was avoiding me...
what did I get text back?
"Fuck you"
I said it FELT like.
I don't know what to do!! I'm hurt, sad, depressed, lonely and there isn't ONE fucking drug in this WHOLE DAMN HOUSE to make feel a little better! So all I have is to cut and I WILL NOT do that. I don't know if I can even stop once I start seeing the blood running down my wrist.
So all I can do is sit here and cry...
and wait to see if he feels like texting me again or not.
This feels like repeating my last relationship, feeling single and sleeping alone a lot, but not being so. Being told things like that when you say the wrong thing (Sean doesn't do it often at all). And the pulling away...Michael pulled away more and more until he just said he didn't want me anymore...perhaps thats what I fear so much.
God, I'm glad no one can see mr cry...I have more over this this week than I have over him. (Other than fights and crap.)
GOD DAMN IT!