xbloodwhipx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2011
- Messages
- 552
I have been doing drugs for well over a year. Mostly pills, ive only been drunk 9 times, honestly smoked weed 1 time. Im not sure what messed me up, adderall, xanax or nitrous oxide, opiates or alcohol.
It couldnt be the alcohol.... I havent done it enough. Im mostly blaming it on adderall, im addicted to adderall. I think the memory issues came from xanax, i was addicted to it for a few months last year.
So, about my proublems. Basically, my memory is like a fog is over it. Its like there is a thick wall between what i can remeber and how i view it. The best way to explain this would be, i can remeber things, but its like there is no sound, no color to my memories. I can only see certain things in my memories, like lets say i have a memory of walking into target (the store). The sky, parking lot, etc, is solid black, its not there. The target is gray, no detail to it. The cars are gray, they are just a car like shape, people all look the same. There is a "fog" over the memory also. its like i cant really focus on that memory for a long time with it dissolving away. I think this is somehow related to xanax...
Okay, now, i feel like im detachted from reality, slightly. Its not depersonilization, one thing is time. Time goes by so fast. Its so odd. I remeber tripping on acid, i was amazed at how slow time was going. I would look up, and the clock would say 3 am. I would look up what felt like 5 mins later, and it would be 5 mins later!
But when im sober, i look up and its 3 pm, then what i feel like is 5 mins later, i look up and its 15 mins later.
I feel like im detacted, but its VERY hard to explain. I daydream almost constantly, and its very hard to focus on anything without drifting off, i keep doing it but my mind feels like its shut off. I first experienced this before i started drugs, i was having a panic attack for the 1st time, and i couldnt stand how this kept happening... It never went away. Its NOT depersonilization, i can tell, the symptoms dont match what im experiencing, and what im experiencing is very hard to put in words, but if i had to put it into words, its like my brain is filled with nothingness, unless i try to focus, but i always drift off back into that nothingness...
Im only 19, i really think drugs screwed me up, but im not sure, do you guys think i have some deseise like schizophrenia?
It couldnt be the alcohol.... I havent done it enough. Im mostly blaming it on adderall, im addicted to adderall. I think the memory issues came from xanax, i was addicted to it for a few months last year.
So, about my proublems. Basically, my memory is like a fog is over it. Its like there is a thick wall between what i can remeber and how i view it. The best way to explain this would be, i can remeber things, but its like there is no sound, no color to my memories. I can only see certain things in my memories, like lets say i have a memory of walking into target (the store). The sky, parking lot, etc, is solid black, its not there. The target is gray, no detail to it. The cars are gray, they are just a car like shape, people all look the same. There is a "fog" over the memory also. its like i cant really focus on that memory for a long time with it dissolving away. I think this is somehow related to xanax...
Okay, now, i feel like im detachted from reality, slightly. Its not depersonilization, one thing is time. Time goes by so fast. Its so odd. I remeber tripping on acid, i was amazed at how slow time was going. I would look up, and the clock would say 3 am. I would look up what felt like 5 mins later, and it would be 5 mins later!
But when im sober, i look up and its 3 pm, then what i feel like is 5 mins later, i look up and its 15 mins later.
I feel like im detacted, but its VERY hard to explain. I daydream almost constantly, and its very hard to focus on anything without drifting off, i keep doing it but my mind feels like its shut off. I first experienced this before i started drugs, i was having a panic attack for the 1st time, and i couldnt stand how this kept happening... It never went away. Its NOT depersonilization, i can tell, the symptoms dont match what im experiencing, and what im experiencing is very hard to put in words, but if i had to put it into words, its like my brain is filled with nothingness, unless i try to focus, but i always drift off back into that nothingness...
Im only 19, i really think drugs screwed me up, but im not sure, do you guys think i have some deseise like schizophrenia?