S-Dog
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2017
- Messages
- 141
For the past, roughly, year or so, thanks to COVID-19 the world has been experiencing a mild version of what my life has been like for about 15 years.
When I was 12 my parents pulled me out of school to move across the country. That's pretty much when my life stopped. They never bothered to put me back in school and they never homeschooled me. I was pretty much just left to my own devices. As a teen that seemed like a pretty sweet deal but as a 28 year old, to say I'm miserable is an understatement.
My parents where never parents. They didn't push me to do anything. They never had any life advice for me. I was never instilled with any kind of work ethic. I'm what happens when you give so little of a fuck as a parent that you literally just let your kid sit around and do nothing all day.
My social life has always been limited but is now completely non-existent. I've been in a long distance relationship for over a decade and that's my only social outlet now.
I made the mistake of having a dream so I went to film school. The school I went to basically turned out to be a scam (to keep a long story short). I waisted 5 years in that school and got nothing out of it. Just a bunch of dead end internships and lies. Coming out of film school there I couldn't find any work. after years of failing in film i've come to find that I'm apparently un-hireable anywhere because no normal job gives a shit about my film experience. So now I'm 28 and have never had a job which is fucking impossible to explain to a potential employer which, granted, has never been a problem because I've never gotten a response to any application i've ever submitted.
Everyday, I get up, sit in front of my computer, talk to my boyfriend and then go to bed. Rinse Repeat. I have no friends, my relationship is at the breaking point, my parents are little more than roommates and I'm falling apart mentally. My life is a total vacuum of any kind of life experience and I'm to the point where I've been thinking about suicide. At this point it's been made pretty clear to me that I don't matter so what's the point anymore? I can't put into words how fucking miserable i am. I feel like I'm going insane. I just pace back and forth in my room, barley able to pull my thoughts together and I have no help of any kind and no reason to believe anything is going to change. I'm terrified I'm going to end up living on the streets when my parents die.
The best I can explain my metal state is, I feel like I'm dyeing mentally. I feel like my brain is rotting.
I don't if any of this makes sense. I feel basically non-functional mentally anymore. I feel like I'm disappearing into a void and no one seems to care. I don't know what to do.
When I was 12 my parents pulled me out of school to move across the country. That's pretty much when my life stopped. They never bothered to put me back in school and they never homeschooled me. I was pretty much just left to my own devices. As a teen that seemed like a pretty sweet deal but as a 28 year old, to say I'm miserable is an understatement.
My parents where never parents. They didn't push me to do anything. They never had any life advice for me. I was never instilled with any kind of work ethic. I'm what happens when you give so little of a fuck as a parent that you literally just let your kid sit around and do nothing all day.
My social life has always been limited but is now completely non-existent. I've been in a long distance relationship for over a decade and that's my only social outlet now.
I made the mistake of having a dream so I went to film school. The school I went to basically turned out to be a scam (to keep a long story short). I waisted 5 years in that school and got nothing out of it. Just a bunch of dead end internships and lies. Coming out of film school there I couldn't find any work. after years of failing in film i've come to find that I'm apparently un-hireable anywhere because no normal job gives a shit about my film experience. So now I'm 28 and have never had a job which is fucking impossible to explain to a potential employer which, granted, has never been a problem because I've never gotten a response to any application i've ever submitted.
Everyday, I get up, sit in front of my computer, talk to my boyfriend and then go to bed. Rinse Repeat. I have no friends, my relationship is at the breaking point, my parents are little more than roommates and I'm falling apart mentally. My life is a total vacuum of any kind of life experience and I'm to the point where I've been thinking about suicide. At this point it's been made pretty clear to me that I don't matter so what's the point anymore? I can't put into words how fucking miserable i am. I feel like I'm going insane. I just pace back and forth in my room, barley able to pull my thoughts together and I have no help of any kind and no reason to believe anything is going to change. I'm terrified I'm going to end up living on the streets when my parents die.
The best I can explain my metal state is, I feel like I'm dyeing mentally. I feel like my brain is rotting.
I don't if any of this makes sense. I feel basically non-functional mentally anymore. I feel like I'm disappearing into a void and no one seems to care. I don't know what to do.
