i dont know anymore

i have never said this before, but i need drugs. i have always said its a choice, but the way i feel at the moment, death sounds better than drugs. my gf has always been the one that was there for me, the one that no matter what would make me feel better.everytime i would say im a loser, she would always say no, and she loves me. i have only done coke once priour to this, but last night i accuired 3 grams of good coke, and since last night to now, i have used it all. im coming down right now, and just got a call from my gf, she was crying and i asked what was wrong, and she said she was crying because im a loser drug addict, and because she hates it that she loves me. i have never felt this bad in my life. i just called up my homie, and im getting another 3 grams of coke, but i have a feeling im gonna just keep doing it and OD. what should i do? why would my gf say that to me? i love her more than anything, i cant fucking believe this

hey, even though you're on my friends list, i can't pm you because I'm a greenlighter. please check your email or come on aim, i don't have enough posts to talk with you in pm
 
Read the thread 2 things real quick. A) you need to want help or you will keep on using there is no in-betweens. B) DXM is proven to make crater sized holes in your brain and having used it so many times in the past I can see where theyre comin from. If you dont want to stop then you want to die/become worthless. Why would a girl love that? I am not trying to be mean but come on man what do you want to hear?
 
^when was DXM proven to put holes in your brain?
its not good on your brain, certainly, but HOLES?
no.
 
DXMKid420... lots of people have been saying this, but I'm going to continue the broken record here... you need help. Now.

I was addicted to DXM myself for a while. In my case it was 6 months rather than a year, and wasn't even daily, but I can at least somewhat understand what you're talking about. Honestly, other than meth, crack, and IV heroin, there really isn't much I haven't done drug-wise, so I hope you'll consider that when I say this: you're not thinking straight right now. More than anything else I've done, DXM could make me absolutely delusional whenever I went on a bender with it. By 'delusional' I don't mean getting taken with some strange idea for a while. I mean it changed my personality while I was on it.

Did you ever hear of D3viantmind? (The spelling may not be correct, and I apologize, I'm typing this up quickly because I need to go to bed) He was a Dextroverse regular, and also created the fourthplateau site. I knew him in real life. He came to one of our parties back where I used to live and he and this other kid and I did this bizarre research chemical they got for free from some guy they knew. He was really cool, a bit quiet, but that could have just been the dex.

He died sometime ago. So did the other kid. Both had been battling DXM addiction for years. Don't let people tell you it's not a "real" drug or that you're not "really" addicted to it. It can kill you just the same as anything else.

Get to a competent rehab facility and/or some sort of mental health professional. There is definitely a physical component to the addiction. I believe it's probably due to two things, at the least. DXM is fascinating pharmacologically because it acts on so many different receptors; in addition to the NMDA inhibition, it also acts on sigma receptors (which no one really knows too much about yet), and also has (limited) SSRI and dopamine reuptake inhibitory effects.

I would surmise that when you've been on DXM for an extended period of time, your brain has gotten used to not really functioning at that high a level because it's been essentially shut down due to the NMDA inhibition. On top of that, since the SSRI and dopamine reuptake inhibition is gone, as well, both your serotonin and your dopamine get incredibly out of whack.

I'm not going to get all negative about DXM- I mean, seriously, my username on here is a reference to a DXM experience I had. But it's not entirely benign. If you can control it (which you obviously can't right now, no offense), you can get some wonderful experiences out of it. If not, not only will it control you but it will absolutely fuck the shit out of you.

At the level of addiction I was at, I was able to kick it myself. You will probably need help. This is not a criticism, it's advice.

I was able to beat it because after one truly awful experience I finally realized what I was doing to my family, and since they mean more to me than anything, I was able to give up something I loved.

Seriously, please consider getting some help. It's not too late yet. If anything in your life means anything at all to you, you need to leave the DXM alone.
 
DXMKid, I can relate to what you're going through as it happened to me a while ago; my DXM usage unfortunately coincided with a period when I was in a serious relationship with a girl several months in - she is particularly anti-drug - and let me tell you that I can sort of fathom why your girl would lash out at you, especially considering what you said about being constantly high on dex.

You're telling us you've been on a constant DXM afterglow/plateau day after day after day? You are aware of how someone appears in such a haze right? My girl would get so pissed and teary when she saw me sweating or bug-eyed or slurring, she'd just have this pained look and spout similar shit. Put yourself in her shoes; how would YOU feel meeting your SO for an anniversary date and they have Powerpuff Girl eyes, completely out of whack emotionally and the verbal skills of a 10 year old with Down syndrome?

Your girlfriend is obviously just worried about what's happening to the person she cares deeply for. She's worried you may not be the same person she once fell for/knew, that you'll transform into some horrid shell of who you once were. She herself must be feeling some guilt, feeling powerless at the fact that she feels there is nothing she can do to help you.

Take this to heart: Everything in moderation, even moderation. It will be hard but you've got to CHILL with the constant dexing. Taper off it slowly, limit it. If you truly do not want to lose this girl then make her your priority, not cough syrup. Sit and have a talk with her. I'm fortunate enough to have come to my senses and still am with my girl to this day despite my overindulgent stint with DXM (though I do indulge from time to time on my freer of days :D)

You may not be able to quit, but goddamnit man dose smartly. Drugs shouldn't be at the absolute forefront of your life, overshadowing everything else. You're just setting yourself up for failure and disappointment somewhere down the line. Drugs are something we all like to do (hey, this is BL :P), but it shouldn't be the ONLY thing to do. Especially if it's starting to negatively affect other aspects of your life, is a good sign that you need to chill.

You can do it man. Cough syrup can always wait. CVS/Walgreens/Rite Aid/Duane Reade are still going to exist, and will always have cough and cold aisles. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, won't. Your girlfriend will always care for you. Robitussin doesn't give a shit about you.

Re-evaluate everything.
 
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i just drank a shitload of water so it was too dilluted to test

That wouldn't matter - they would notice it in the lab. They can tell when someone has purposely diluted their urine. Hopefully you passed though because the last thing you need to be dealing with right now is law enforcement on top of everything else.
 
There's no hard evidence of any long-term damage from DXM or any other dissociatives besides PCP, and PCP is a bit different structurally. The link you posted is obsolete; the author (William White) retracted his statement about DXM causing Olney's lesions. It happens in rats, yes, but it's never been shown in primates at all.
 
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