I dont get it? Whats going on here?

[stuxa]

Ok I'll try keep this short! I need help. 25m/23f Dated for 6 months, had an amazing relationship, great communication, fell deeply love knowing she was going away. We also decided it was best that we break up. She said she didn't want to go b/c she was afraid to loose the love of her life. She went abroad for school 1 month ago but we decided to stay in contact, either skyped/emailed every day if possible. 2hr skype chats ... long emails love you miss you so much etc .. we were still clearly in love and acting like we were still dating. The first 2 weeks she was travelling, and she arrived at her school 2 weeks ago.

Everything going great up until last week, she tells me shes going to a dinner party with everyone from her program. I don't hear from her for 2 days. No problem shes having fun. We skype for 5 mins friday morning but I have to study. I email sat saying we should skype this weekend, no response, email sun saying im worried, if u don't want to talk anymore just tell, I havent heard from you in 2 days and that's not normal. She emails back 2 hrs later saying shes really sorry i worried, that shes been busy all weekend and will send me a proper email in a bit and of course she still wants to talk. No email. Were not friends on facebook (made it easier). I asked my buddy to check her activity, she was posting on facebook 4hrs after she sent me that email. I expected her to just lie in the morning and say she fell asleep. Still no email monday afternoon. Now I'm getting worried. Our relationship is doing a 180 and i dont know why. Unfortunately I have access to her email and couldn't help myself... Every thought is going through my head. Theres a new guy based on one of her FB messages to her friend.

Finally in the evening I cant take it anymore and I imessage her basically saying WTF is going on .. your avoiding/distancing yourself, there must be a new guy, which is fine, just tell me so i know, and that I trying to hold on but can't take much more of being ignored, and reminded her that we pinky swore not to be dicks if we lost interest and just tell the other person. Oh ya she doesn't know that I know she has a sim card for her cell (bugged me b/c she was getting my emails on the weekend but not responding). She replied back right away saying That i need to relax .. shes been busy all weekend, and didnt feel like writing a long email last night, and that its not fair that I freak out if she doesn't reply for a while annnnd that there isn't a new guy! I email back saying I understand your meetng new people blah blah but we went from talking daily to basically nothing and of course im going to freak out and wonder whats going on and I feel like im at the bottom of her priority list which is no ok. We said we would talk friday (today). I imessage her yesterday afternoon saying im going through (hername) withdrawl lol. She reads it but no response. She just got an iphone so she doesn't know they send read receipts. No reply.

I don't know how much longer I can do this for. This not knowing whats going on is driving me crazy and i'm so sad because I feel like I'm loosing my best friend. I'm trying to give her her space and I know were only just friends now but seriously why wont she tell me whats going on? I don't care and I've told her that many times, ill be ok and im not going anywhere, just tell me so i can prepare myself! How can we go from skyping/emailing/so much love to where its like shes avoiding me. But she's also telling me that she still wants to talk and that theres no new guy. Why?? Lol ... well what do u guys think?? Shes an amazing girl by the way .. so kind and genuine .. not like her to try to hurt me. Someone please help me understand whats possibly going through this womans head right now. I know shes prob head over heals for this guy but that doesn't mean she can't message me back.

Should I just stop talking to her so she realizes (hopefully) what she lost? Wait it out but possibly get hurt and look needy?

SORRY ITS SO LONG and really bad formatting (im in bed).
Thankyou!!!

Edit: I should add that my ultimate goal is that I don't ruin our relationship so that when she gets back there's still a chance we can get back together. I don't want her to forget about me (so I'm trying to stay in her life) but I also don't want her to despise me by trying to stay in her life and acting needy.

 

[mindsnare]

Take a few deep breaths and relaxxxxx...

I think its pretty confusing, you guys broke up but she says you are the love of her life, I mean plenty of people have long distance relationships.. but anyway the reality is she is very far away and you have absolutely no control over her actions. If she wants to screw around she can and will.

No offence but you do come across pretty needy. I understand where you are coming from with the mixed messages she's sending but i think you need to look after yourself. She's obviously having a good time and getting on with her life and you should too.
If she comes back and it works out, great, but will you trust her not to do it again?

Sorry nonsensical ramblings, basically I really think you should try to distract yourself and take this time to focus on yourself.

 

[64tf]

What you are going through hurts. It's going to keep hurting till you write this one down, and stop thinking about it.

She may or may not be into another guy. She is certainly doing something cool, and she doesn't want to spend the time on you right now. Best to just let it rest and find something to distract yourself.

I feel bad for ya man.

 

[HCandKROD]

She knows how you feel and has received your messages. Anything else is an exercise in redundancy.Let her contact you next. You do come off as needy. That is not an endearing trait for men or women. Take her calls and keep from grilling her about what she is doing and who she is with. Sure she "pinky swore" to be honest but the the reality is most people have trouble with straight honesty for one reason or another. She may not want to tell you if she is seeing someone else because she thinks you might pitch a hissy.Actually,that's how you come across. Man up!! Good luck. BTW, reading someone else's e mail is a really,really dick move. Stop that!!!8(

 

[stuxa]

Ok .. I'm relaxed now Ya i guess i am being really needy ... eek! Good call on focusing on me .. i definitely need to do that! Thanks for your response!!

 

[Pagey]

You need to chill!
It's normal for things to be different now, she's adapting to a new life, meeting lots of new people etc., she must be very busy and since your relationship with her is already established it's normal for you not to be her immediate priority anymore. I agree she could be a bit more tactful and understanding about it, but in the meantime try not to think about her so much and know that what's happening between the two of you right now is perfectly normal. Focus on keeping yourself busy as well and she'll be contacting you before you know it

 

[stuxa]

Thanks for all the responses guys! Really helped me calm down and realize that I'm being way too needy and need to chill out and give her her space. I want her to be happy!!

 

[Tude]

You say you're trying to give her space...but you've been messaging her constantly.
Y'all aren't together anymore...but you're asking her if there's someone else.
You say you don't care if she found someone else...but you keep asking.

You're a mess lol. But seriously, it'd be best if you let her be.

 

[BettyRage]

You say you're trying to give her space...but you've been messaging her constantly.
Y'all aren't together anymore...but you're asking her if there's someone else.
You say you don't care if she found someone else...but you keep asking.

You're a mess lol. But seriously, it'd be best if you let her be.

That's the best advice I can think of.

 

[HMHB]

Prepare for the worst outcome (though it may not happen), but look at the positives. You're young and obviously attractive to women, so if the relationship ends, think of the fun you can have :D. I experienced a similiar scenario when I was your age, my gf went back home to Surrey and started University. We loved each other dearly, yet the 'new life' one begins upon has all sorts of fresh and exciting temptations. I think you become a different person because you have freedom that was not possible before, and new peers to both endear and learn from. Good luck whatever happens.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Definitely take a breather. Lol. She's a new place right now and probably feeling overwhelmed. You probably shouldn't be cyber-stalking her either because you're going to freak out every time she talks with a guy. You guys aren't together, she's someplace new and unfamiliar and needs to make friends. Some of those friends will have penises but that is normal. I'm sure once she gets settled in, she'll send you an e-mail. You don't want to come off as a crazy psycho jealous stalker because that will squash any chances of you guys being together.

 

[llama112]

Agreed that you need to chill and just relax. Yeah, you're coming off as a bit needy.

I would imagine she's pretty busy - probably lots to do, see, etc. in a new country. I can see why she would always be busy and not have time to sit at her computer all the time. She's probably trying to make friends and just trying to have as many experiences as possible.

For this time - just try to focus on yourself. It is important to not become so codependent

 

[stuxa]

Wow ... i'm so happy I decided to post on here. I really appreciate all the advice ... it's helped me so much! I was so wrapped up in this I wasn't thinking straight .. Emotions are crazy sometimes .. maybe i'm crazy haha who knows. It's shitty knowing that someone else is possibly taking your best friend from you and feeling so powerless about it. I'm going to buy a gym pass tomorrow and find some other things to do to distract myself. I have deleted everything about her/put it away for now so i can move on. If she contacts me great if not well so be it. I also feel pretty embarassed for how controlling/needy/jealous I acted. I'm tempted to send her an email and say sorry for the way I have been acting but I'm thinking that probably not the best idea and should just wait it out?

 

[llama112]

If I were you, I probably would wait before sending an apology email.

Emotions can make people crazy ... it happens. Good idea to get a gym pass and find other things to do to keep yourself busy

 

[Tude]

If I were you, I probably would wait before sending an apology email.

Emotions can make people crazy ... it happens. Good idea to get a gym pass and find other things to do to keep yourself busy

Exactly.

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

Let the situation alone.
I understand that you want answers but you are making it worse.

First off, you DO NOT have the right to break her privacy.
(if you are dating, or not- you have no right signing into her email account)

Technically, you broke up. Even though you said it's like you are still dating, you are not. I'm not trying to sound harsh here. I'm just speaking matter-of-factly. You are acting irrational- you are saying I contacted her, and x amount of hours went by, and I know she was on the computer because of a post she made but she has yet to contact me.
I mean, that's just crazy talk, dude.
You are yelling at her, asking WTF is going on when only 2 days passed, accusing her of being with other people, and acting childish by talking about pinkie swears you made to one another.

She replied back right away saying That i need to relax .. shes been busy all weekend, and didnt feel like writing a long email last night, and that its not fair that I freak out if she doesn't reply for a while annnnd that there isn't a new guy! I email back saying I understand your meetng new people blah blah but we went from talking daily to basically nothing and of course im going to freak out and wonder whats going on and I feel like im at the bottom of her priority list which is no ok.

She summed it up for you. She told you she was busy, she didn't feel like writing you, that she finds it UNFAIR that you are freaking out on her.
You have to realize that you are NOT on the top of her priority list- and since you aren't okay with that- you need to figure that out for yourself- NOT TAKE IT OUT ON HER.
Because if you continue to do so- you are going to push her further away.

You keep saying that you are just friends but it's driving you nuts that she isn't telling you what's going on--- but like, wtf. What's actually going on... and what you are manifesting in your head are two totally different things.