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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I dont feel i have a serious drug problem but eould lose everything if anyone knew.

T

Tryptomaniacs

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 3, 2016
Messages
66
Location
Chicago
Over the past 5 or 6 years ive used ALOT of drugs, i ended up really liking opiates and had to quit several times before i was abke to stop for good, but now i can even use opiates every once in awhile maybe once a month and not have any urge to redose the next day.

I take klonopin and lorazepam in fairly high doses maybe once a month i use vyvanse 3-4 times a week for ADD and i use kratom 3-4 times a week as well, other than that i take psychedelics no more than one time per month and maybe drink about 5 times a month.

I can easily go a week without using but life gets boring, and i crave after awhile, i can fight the cravings but i dont ever want to.

If my parents or my girlfriend of one year found out about my use she would leave me and my parents would hate me.

For some reason i always talk myself into it saying nobody will wver find out since nobody has in 5 years. I have a few friends that know about my use but thats it. I wish i could have fun and not care about never using again. But just the thought of that makes me sick because they have always been here for me.

Maybe i am more addicted than i think but im not using very serious drugs, and i feel like im in control they just help to fill in the gaps when i have nothing to do.

What do you guys think i should do? I hate hiding it but for some reason i feel like thats the right thing to do. HELP
 
i'm in a similar position. have used a lot of drugs fairly moderately for almost 4 years but generally the less harmful more 'mind expanding' ones as of late.

staying away from the opiates is a good move. those can rob you of valued years. i've tried the addicting ones in low doses and a couple others in decent doses and have loved the feelings they gave me (besides codeine). i've come to enjoy kratom once a week and it quenches my thirst for the opiate feel. i try to drink only on weekends and if i do during the week it's very light.

don't enjoy amps but i enjoy cocaine here and there. used to abuse xanax on weekends till it fucked me so with time learned less is more and very occasionally take 10-20mg of valium

the main things are maintaining a steady path in life, staying healthy, eating well, being active, finding fun in things other than forced highs and leaving those for pure recreation. never use everyday, etc.

the basics to a drug habit basically. knowing this is the easy part but actually doing this can definitely benefit your body beyond the damage you can do with heavy usage. (esp amps a lot).

cravings are a sign of addiction so stay away from the pharmaceuticals imo. unless you are scripted them?

i've had a girlfriend i'd hide the majority of my drug use from. eventually all the drugs had me pretty emotionally empty and i lost feelings for her so i broke it off after only 8/9 months methinks. she would hear of things and see me comatose but endured it all and stay with me. good chick. we were only 16.
dad used to smoke so he never really got too upset about it (just not in his house) but they hated my drug phase. i was looking bad mainly from the pharms and have been on deep binges with low tolerance before. it got too scary for me. i've gotten to enjoy using moderately for the most part. it's truly the key to it all. along with the balance in other things.

self control as well.

sometimes i think i could be fucked from the drugs.. or maybe i'm just overthinking things..?? i do pull my weight in school and stay healthy otherwise however. i've gotten a stigma for it all as well though but this is just the setting i'm in. you never know how your loved ones will react. nobody hates me (afaik?).

just keep your head up, moderate, never every day. being open with my usage has helped me greatly but ymmv.;)
 
I became an opiate addict from using tramadol 4 times each week at low doses. After a few years I started getting WD's in between the days I did not dose. Keeping your kratom use to 1x/week would be much more advisable if your worried about opiate addiction. Plenty of people are strung out on Kratom. They then move onto stronger opiates and become addicted for the rest of their lives.
 
It does sound as though you're addicted at least psychologically which is what the cravings are. If you continue using you will start to use opiates or other drugs more and become physically addicted to them.

Be extremely careful, and stay safe.
 
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I think this would be better suited for TDS so going to move. As someone who has a history of hiding drug use, let me say it never ends well.
 
Tryptomaniacs said:
Over the past 5 or 6 years ive used ALOT of drugs, i ended up really liking opiates and had to quit several times before i was abke to stop for good, but now i can even use opiates every once in awhile maybe once a month and not have any urge to redose the next day.

I take klonopin and lorazepam in fairly high doses maybe once a month i use vyvanse 3-4 times a week for ADD and i use kratom 3-4 times a week as well, other than that i take psychedelics no more than one time per month and maybe drink about 5 times a month.

I can easily go a week without using but life gets boring, and i crave after awhile, i can fight the cravings but i dont ever want to.

If my parents or my girlfriend of one year found out about my use she would leave me and my parents would hate me.

For some reason i always talk myself into it saying nobody will wver find out since nobody has in 5 years. I have a few friends that know about my use but thats it. I wish i could have fun and not care about never using again. But just the thought of that makes me sick because they have always been here for me.

Maybe i am more addicted than i think but im not using very serious drugs, and i feel like im in control they just help to fill in the gaps when i have nothing to do.

What do you guys think i should do? I hate hiding it but for some reason i feel like thats the right thing to do. HELP
Click to expand...

Mate,

You seem to have a great awareness of yourself but know that there's something 'missing' - which there probably is; awareness is good - shame is an alert - as you know and have made clear - don't doubt yourself; if you feel you're hiding something (thats fine) If you feel you're hiding something because you are frightened and ashamed that you are deficient as yourself . Stop asking people for answers you already know -
I read your post and know that you seem to be very aware and incontrol of your life but unhappy and under stimulated.

Accept that.

sometimes we have to face situations that dont meet our needs - its NOT you. You're not the problem - take time out; for yourself. You need it.
Stop fucking people-pleasing! ;)
Stop thinking you are sorted - you're not - you need space and a breather. Give yourself that.
 
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draw a line that is comfortable for you that YOU believe is easy to not cross (more than one if you want) .... If you cross it/any You need to get some help from somewhere. HAve more faith in your family and friends and girl... If they love you they will not judge you.. You'd be surprised how much "OWNING" it yield. Your usage is a personal thing.. If you dont hurt anyone or cross your own lines... Keep it to yourself. You'd be surprised how many people you love have "things" they use or do that you wouldn't find good for them.... But would you judge them?
 
Thanks everyone. I will start to draw lines on how far i will go, my first step i think is going to have to be cutting down my use of anything to only once a week. And in some prt i agree that my family and girlfriend would be there for me but they have both told me they wouldnt. Idk if thats to scare me away from doing it by telling me they would leave im not sure i just wish the people around me werent so judgemental. Time to make changes.
 
I am not trying to be harsh and I have no reason to be judgmental, but it sound a bit like you are looking for reassurance that your use isn't that bad ."I'm not using very serious drugs." yet you are concerned enough to post about it. You have gotten excellent advice-particularly about setting your own line in the sand.
 
Well i didnt figure this would happen but my mom found my drug box threw everything away smashed my weed bowl and screamed at me my wjole family knows and everyone except my mom has been super forgiving. My girlfriend still doesnt know and i have zero drugs left except for the ones that were prescribed to me, i guess im staying clean for awhile cuz i have to but yeah it was a shit show. And i feel like i wanna die. As soon as i can move out i will because as long as im here i will feel judged. But yeah guys dont hide your use. You guys were right
 
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