I Don't Belong...

...anywhere

I can't seem to fit in anywhere I feel right; not even really here. I suppose I sort of fit in at school, but even there not really. I never feel like I belong. Like I'm left out of the joke or something. I don't want to force the feeling of being accepted though, because then I don't think it would really be real. *sigh*

The only time I feel right, like I am part of something or I know what I'm doing & what is going on is when I'm using. No matter who is in the room, I know how to use & abuse my drugs. It makes me feel safe.

Between that feeling & how my past relationships made me feel accepted & loved, I don't think this is very good. I've been with abusers, lunatics, druggies, dealers, cheaters & more. FUCK! >_<

 

i can relate. For me, being a 'junky' was a way for me to identify with myself. A nice, neat label that I could use to define myself. We short change ourselves when we do this, Ms Pills! We are MUCH more than what we think we are.

As to fitting in... these things take time. Its hard being the new guy/new gal anywhere. Once we expose ourselves to an environment over an extended period of time, we start feeling more 'a part of'.

You definitely fit in with us here in TDS!

You have similar experiences as many of us. Some folks that post in TDS, well... you get a feeling of 'this person doesn't get it' or 'i get a bad feeling from this person'. Those people never stay and I've never got that feeling when reading your posts.

Stick around, girl! We need you %)

 

thanks for the ... i needed it right now