10/22/2009
Don’t really know what’s wrong with me, but then again, it could be I’ve done nothing and had no energy (cept for a bit after a do dad.) It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that probably a big part of the reason has 2 do with only purchasing and consuming half my usual supply this week. I did in fact stop completely for 2 and a half days. As usual, however, whenever I purposely decide to willingly part with the dope for whatever reason, I stop the chase, almost every bleeping time, the dope chases me, lol. Dope, however, is like my best friend, lover, and confidant, so when this happens, I find it hard to get angry with him/it, as it’s like a friend that has annoying tendencies that can get you into trouble, yet this friend is SOO vivacious, friendly, funny, and damn good company, in spite of the BS, you find it impossible to stay angry at said friend.
Besides the $$ issue, I’ve cut down because I want some of my old non using time back, cause when Mr. Prick and I are on a hiatus from one another, I’m free to spend that time with other actual PEOPLE, mainly Mom and occasionally family. I feel, miss, and am deeply lonely and sorry for what I’ve been missing past 3 months. Like, ok vacation time was FUN, but it’s over homegirl, come on let it go, give it a rest for a while. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder! My twin Tolerance (HA!) that annoying invisible twin that’s gotten many a complaint from varies junkies, is quite wise to me, so even when I stopped for 2 and ½ days, she still reached out and grabbed 50% of my high after my first reunion after 2 and ½ days with Mr. Prick. I’ve told Mr. Prick, “I DON’T remember inviting my twin Tolerance for a friggin 3 way!” “Yes, sorry love, she DOES get a bit pushy. Let’s fuck again my pet,” he says as always with an evil grin.
Of course, what else is new, lol. I know his every move, his every act or statement b4 he utters it aloud in my brain, yet he still manages to win 80% of the time. This only goads him on, as he sees me as merely a challenge to persue and conquer, especially when I was clean 27 months. I honestly believed on a conscience level, that I would never engage with the most intense, illicit, hot sex I’ve ever had, but on a deeper level, I still was divided. How can I honestly permanently give up the best thing in terms of pleasures of the flesh that this earth, this life has EVER offered me? Even though I didn’t want it to be true and trust me I REALLY tried to write, to love and appreciate, create artistically without him, but even my friggin editors flat out told me something was missing. Sigh. Why can’t I write with the same passion and color as b4? Do you have writer’s block?
Haha if only they knew. “Well, unfortunately yes I have. You see I quit putting needles aka Mr. Prick who ejaculated glorius methamphetamine with a dash of diacetalmorphine (say 7 times ever max) called fireballs or speedballs in So Cali, but mainly I’m missing my sister Crystal Joyce Moon Tarantino Hyde, aka Crystal or Crystal Hyde the bad, witty, hilarious, law breaker, my alter ego that appears after Mr. Prick and I satisfy our sinful desire of pleasures of the flesh, orgasms by chemicals if you please, plus bad ass Sis or Cous as I call her who under the right circumstances is a gift from heaven or demoness from hell causing chaos and wreckage everywhere we go. It feels like I’m an observer, but trapped, yet spellbound by her magic. Anyway, fuck me tender, I got to go. Sis and the painkillers got me goin as always only when I have 2 work, MFSOB CRAAAAAAP!
Don’t really know what’s wrong with me, but then again, it could be I’ve done nothing and had no energy (cept for a bit after a do dad.) It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that probably a big part of the reason has 2 do with only purchasing and consuming half my usual supply this week. I did in fact stop completely for 2 and a half days. As usual, however, whenever I purposely decide to willingly part with the dope for whatever reason, I stop the chase, almost every bleeping time, the dope chases me, lol. Dope, however, is like my best friend, lover, and confidant, so when this happens, I find it hard to get angry with him/it, as it’s like a friend that has annoying tendencies that can get you into trouble, yet this friend is SOO vivacious, friendly, funny, and damn good company, in spite of the BS, you find it impossible to stay angry at said friend.
Besides the $$ issue, I’ve cut down because I want some of my old non using time back, cause when Mr. Prick and I are on a hiatus from one another, I’m free to spend that time with other actual PEOPLE, mainly Mom and occasionally family. I feel, miss, and am deeply lonely and sorry for what I’ve been missing past 3 months. Like, ok vacation time was FUN, but it’s over homegirl, come on let it go, give it a rest for a while. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder! My twin Tolerance (HA!) that annoying invisible twin that’s gotten many a complaint from varies junkies, is quite wise to me, so even when I stopped for 2 and ½ days, she still reached out and grabbed 50% of my high after my first reunion after 2 and ½ days with Mr. Prick. I’ve told Mr. Prick, “I DON’T remember inviting my twin Tolerance for a friggin 3 way!” “Yes, sorry love, she DOES get a bit pushy. Let’s fuck again my pet,” he says as always with an evil grin.
Of course, what else is new, lol. I know his every move, his every act or statement b4 he utters it aloud in my brain, yet he still manages to win 80% of the time. This only goads him on, as he sees me as merely a challenge to persue and conquer, especially when I was clean 27 months. I honestly believed on a conscience level, that I would never engage with the most intense, illicit, hot sex I’ve ever had, but on a deeper level, I still was divided. How can I honestly permanently give up the best thing in terms of pleasures of the flesh that this earth, this life has EVER offered me? Even though I didn’t want it to be true and trust me I REALLY tried to write, to love and appreciate, create artistically without him, but even my friggin editors flat out told me something was missing. Sigh. Why can’t I write with the same passion and color as b4? Do you have writer’s block?
Haha if only they knew. “Well, unfortunately yes I have. You see I quit putting needles aka Mr. Prick who ejaculated glorius methamphetamine with a dash of diacetalmorphine (say 7 times ever max) called fireballs or speedballs in So Cali, but mainly I’m missing my sister Crystal Joyce Moon Tarantino Hyde, aka Crystal or Crystal Hyde the bad, witty, hilarious, law breaker, my alter ego that appears after Mr. Prick and I satisfy our sinful desire of pleasures of the flesh, orgasms by chemicals if you please, plus bad ass Sis or Cous as I call her who under the right circumstances is a gift from heaven or demoness from hell causing chaos and wreckage everywhere we go. It feels like I’m an observer, but trapped, yet spellbound by her magic. Anyway, fuck me tender, I got to go. Sis and the painkillers got me goin as always only when I have 2 work, MFSOB CRAAAAAAP!