i was arrested last night for posession of heroin and parafenilaia. so i had no choice but to call my parents from jail and tell them everything that has been going on. i hate my self for who i have become. i hate myself for doing this to them. now im facing a felony drug charge and lost all respect from everyone i know. i hate this drug. i thought it was doing me a favor but now i have realized its destroying my life. i dont even know what to say to my parents. i dont know what to do. i dont know how im going to afford a lawyer. im completly lost. im sorry if im rambling but i need to talk to someone and this is the only place i know that people can relate to whats going on. im not suicidal but i dont want to live anymore. i have nothing to live for i feel like.
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TDS i could really use some support right about now
- Thread starter dopesickk
- Start date
Mysterie
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- May 7, 2010
- Messages
- 4,540
how old are you?
this could be the opportunity you take to get clean and turn your life around
I would tell my parents the truth and that I love them and that I am working hard at getting clean
I would also be depressed if I was in your position, but that is a state of mind, which once you work yourself out of, you will be able to appreciate the beauty of life
its a really dark tunnel but at the end theres a really bright light
this could be the opportunity you take to get clean and turn your life around
I would tell my parents the truth and that I love them and that I am working hard at getting clean
I would also be depressed if I was in your position, but that is a state of mind, which once you work yourself out of, you will be able to appreciate the beauty of life
its a really dark tunnel but at the end theres a really bright light
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
I didn't get arrested/involved in legal trouble, but my parents found my container where I kept all my needles/empty baggies. I also had to admit it to people close to me that I was IVing heroin. It was hard/is hard to deal with sometimes, but I used it to help get my life back together (even though heroin wasn't what really hurt my life - I started using after my life kinda fell apart). I couldn't deal with all the bullshit that came after I got caught by my parents, whiling living with them, so I left my parents house, and started building my life back. A month a 3 weeks after my last shot of heroin, I'm now living in a nice cabin with a good friend, and found a solid job. I struggled for so long to get a job while living with my parents so, moving out, being homeless/living with friends, etc. forced me to do some work and get shit together.
lovebugg
Greenlighter
youre only a complete puss when you deny it, use people, and go right back to it...sweety take this slap on the wrist and stay away from that junk! you have a felony charge on your record now and a felony record takes alot more to get clean.
the junk isnt worth it, the high isnt worth it. my husband once walked in your shoes, but he didnt give a fuck and went right back to it..his felonies have resulted in not being able to land a job..his using has resulted in not being able to hold down a job...and all of that is a thin string away from not being able to keep his wife (me) and his marriage together.
you can do this...and you will be proud of yourself for it.
message me or whatever if you need a chat or whatever..
take care man...and we all make mistakes and poor descisions. just BE WISE, learn from it and move on IN ANOTHER DIRECTION
much LOVEBUGG love to ya
the junk isnt worth it, the high isnt worth it. my husband once walked in your shoes, but he didnt give a fuck and went right back to it..his felonies have resulted in not being able to land a job..his using has resulted in not being able to hold down a job...and all of that is a thin string away from not being able to keep his wife (me) and his marriage together.
you can do this...and you will be proud of yourself for it.
message me or whatever if you need a chat or whatever..
take care man...and we all make mistakes and poor descisions. just BE WISE, learn from it and move on IN ANOTHER DIRECTION
much LOVEBUGG love to ya
SkagKush
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2010
- Messages
- 2,532
Hey dopesickk... Thanks for sharing and believing in Bluelight for support and understanding. Although this is an unfortunate situation you can flip it around and use it as a positive. You can use your family knowing as support for your recovery, but keep in mind it may take the awhile to come to terms with it. Im sorry to hear about the financial situation and the lawyer, and I wish you nothing but luck in trying to make it work.
When you have the opportunity maybe trying checking out a NA or AA metting to help with building a support group. If 12 step based programs are not up your alley there should be other programs in your area that can help (ex SMART).
Although this is a unfortunate situation it can be the first step in getting our life back on track. I wish you nothing but luck.
SkagKush
When you have the opportunity maybe trying checking out a NA or AA metting to help with building a support group. If 12 step based programs are not up your alley there should be other programs in your area that can help (ex SMART).
Although this is a unfortunate situation it can be the first step in getting our life back on track. I wish you nothing but luck.
SkagKush
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
The most important thing you can say to your parents is that you want their support and that you are going to try. Try to get them some information about addiction in general and recovery. Let them know how much you value their support. I say this as a mother. The worst part of being on the outside of an addiction is being lied to. Be honest and admit how scared and vulnerable you feel.
If your parents get angry and hysterical, try to lead them back from that place. It doesn't help you or them. The best thing for the situation is to realize that you can turn this around completely but you have to stop now. A drug felony can be expunged in 7 years in my state if there are no further convictions. I don't know what state you are in but you might ask your attorney about this.
I imagine that you are really scared and feeling pretty hopeless right now. There are many more people out there than you can imagine that have a drug felony. It is an obstacle but not an insurmountable one. Right now you need to focus on how you are going to quit, on family support and relationships and on getting through the legal crap as best you can. Don't worry about the future, just stay in the present and deal with it with the clearest mind you can. You'll be OK and life will surprise you. It's much more forgiving than our anxieties lead us to believe.
Take care and keep us posted. You don't have to deal with this alone.
If your parents get angry and hysterical, try to lead them back from that place. It doesn't help you or them. The best thing for the situation is to realize that you can turn this around completely but you have to stop now. A drug felony can be expunged in 7 years in my state if there are no further convictions. I don't know what state you are in but you might ask your attorney about this.
I imagine that you are really scared and feeling pretty hopeless right now. There are many more people out there than you can imagine that have a drug felony. It is an obstacle but not an insurmountable one. Right now you need to focus on how you are going to quit, on family support and relationships and on getting through the legal crap as best you can. Don't worry about the future, just stay in the present and deal with it with the clearest mind you can. You'll be OK and life will surprise you. It's much more forgiving than our anxieties lead us to believe.
Take care and keep us posted. You don't have to deal with this alone.
jaspersilence
Bluelighter
Yes indeed my friend...A few months and the tension will have eased greatly...Especially if you are clean,and I am sure this is Gods way of helping you do just that...Get clean,and start over...good luck,and prayers your way
iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
I can understand that you feel ashamed over everything that has happened. Use this to turn things around now before it inevitably get worse.
If this is your first offense, chances are you'll most likely be able to plea to a lesser charge.
And over time, you'll be able to get your parents' respect back. They are probably overwhelmed with emotions, but they don't hate you. They are disappointed at most.
Keep your head up. Keep focused and take one day at a time.
Bluelight for support.
If this is your first offense, chances are you'll most likely be able to plea to a lesser charge.
And over time, you'll be able to get your parents' respect back. They are probably overwhelmed with emotions, but they don't hate you. They are disappointed at most.
Keep your head up. Keep focused and take one day at a time.
Bluelight for support.
aussie101
Ex-Bluelighter
I agree with this.
IME:
I would start out by combing through the police "fact sheet" with a law book next to you - a Uni Law library is a good place to go. Perhaps they did an illegal search. Perhaps they forgot to read you your rights. There are many ways to beat charges. You may or may not have a mental illness (ask a psychiatrist, tell them how you feel), this will get many charges dropped. Is there a "drug court" where you are? They will always send first time offenders into treatment, which might be good for you.
In regards to your parents, just be honest. Its hard but I'm sure they love you so they can't hate you for it. Maybe they will help you with legal costs. Maybe they will help you get some treatment.
All is not lost, I have been in your situation.
Good Luck.
I can't explain how much every one of your replies mean to me. I wish I had time to give everyone a history of myself but its not too exciting. Im a functioning addict. So I hid everything so well. I work full time. Make okay money for being 21. Ect. Honestly the last year of my life feels like a dream. A horrible nightmare. It has not set in yet what's going on. I haven't used heroin since being arrested. My parents have me on complete lockdown. I'm just glad I had a couple suboxones around. For once I truly want to kick this habit. I feel it inside. I just want these feelings to stay with me. I want to prove to everyone that I can do this. I know I can. I have faith. I have so many stresses right now that all my brain does is scramble. I'm not in a right state of mind. I shouldn't be going to work. But I need the money. Blahh I'm sorry for rambling but I truly wish there was someone in my life that understands. Obviously no one in my family can relate. And they keep asking me why heroin and I don't even know that answer myself. Sometimes I wonder what gods plan is for me. Because he has truly been pushing my buttons the last year.
Hey man sorry this happened to you. I can't offer you any worthwhile advice but I wanted to tell you that I'll be praying for you, and praying that God will give you a strong desire to turn your life around and get through this craptastic time in your life.
If you can't afford a lawyer they'll give you one, as terrible as that is, but its a first offense so you don't really need a magician. If you're in the US there's a very good chance that the court will mandate drug rehab, and on successful completion most likely remove the charge from your record. I'm not sure how bad the charge is, but if its within the realm of personal use that's usually what happens.
As for the rest of it, it's awwwwful I know, but remember that time dulls all those wounds, for you and your parents. Once they get over the shock they'll come up on your side I'm sure. You can do this, seriously though don't ignore this warning sign, the fact that you've been arrested for it once means now whenever you get your name run you are being searched, so if you keep using its just a matter of time before you're bagged on a second felony, and then they won't be so nice.
Remember all you have to do to quit is... nothing. Just wait. It might be awful, it might be hella tempting, but just wait five minutes, then five more and eventually it will have been a month. Best of luck, I'm sure it'll turn out okay. It did for me.
As for the rest of it, it's awwwwful I know, but remember that time dulls all those wounds, for you and your parents. Once they get over the shock they'll come up on your side I'm sure. You can do this, seriously though don't ignore this warning sign, the fact that you've been arrested for it once means now whenever you get your name run you are being searched, so if you keep using its just a matter of time before you're bagged on a second felony, and then they won't be so nice.
Remember all you have to do to quit is... nothing. Just wait. It might be awful, it might be hella tempting, but just wait five minutes, then five more and eventually it will have been a month. Best of luck, I'm sure it'll turn out okay. It did for me.
T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2010
- Messages
- 8,982
Hey dopesickk, I know this sucks and you feel so embarrassed and ashamed in front of your parents. They're still in shock over this and you can't really blame them. But if you have insurance, perhaps see a doctor who can prescribe suboxone so you don't get sick. You may not even need it, that's an option.
If you can't afford an attorney, they will assign you a public defender. Are you in the U.S? Because most likely your public defender will recommend drug court, being as it's your first arrest. They would rather have you in a diversion program than in jail. That's the way it works here in my little part of Florida. If you complete the program successfully, then it's wiped off your record. But it is a commitment that you must stick to getting clean and staying clean.
If you can't afford an attorney, they will assign you a public defender. Are you in the U.S? Because most likely your public defender will recommend drug court, being as it's your first arrest. They would rather have you in a diversion program than in jail. That's the way it works here in my little part of Florida. If you complete the program successfully, then it's wiped off your record. But it is a commitment that you must stick to getting clean and staying clean.
DrinksWithEvil
Bluelighter
Exact same thing happend to me like a month ago man. EXACT.Being a dumbass i was drunk and i scored down on skid row like i usually do,but this time i had to get high right then,so i started cooking up on a sidewalk a block away from the downtown la police station. Undercovers Rushed me right before i was about to enter my vein. i got arrested and everyone found that i was using again,everyon though i was doing so good. now my dark secret was out. and i felt ASHAMED. My paretns were actually really understanding and got me on subs. The judge gave me DEJ( drug defferment classes) bassicly if you have no priors you can get DEJ if not you will get prop 36. which might be good for you. Its where you have to go to a long term inpatien rehab progrom. Or you can waste yours and your parents money and get a lawyer and fight it. You most likely will get DEJ and just have to do 1 class a week for six mo9nths and 30 NA meetings in 6 monts..atleast thats in cali.....but its not end of the road, its more of a god send. Who knows if you never got busted you could of died and ODed next week.
when i got arrested i had to stay in jail for three days. In CA possesion of heroin is a felony. Your lucky you didint get locked up. I lost my great job that i just got. Now im stressing on rent and food.
DirtyPaw
Greenlighter
Hello dopesickk. If you have medical insurance consider checking into a treatment center. Even if you don't have insurance most treatment centers will take you in. The reason I suggest this is because it will do you good and they can help with w/d's by giving you Suboxone. Also, the courts look kindly on a person getting treatment without a court order.
Suboxone was a miracle drug for me and it is allowing me to kick the opiates.
Many blessings
Suboxone was a miracle drug for me and it is allowing me to kick the opiates.
Many blessings
just an update on my situation, i havent used since i was arrested on sunday. i did however have a few suboxone laying around so they have been helping a lot idk if i could have done it without them. according to the judge, i make too much money to get a public defender. 12 an hour with bills sky high is apparently too much. my mom ran into a retired lawyer friend and they are currently working on getting me the best lawyer for the best cost. i have attended na meetings since tuesday everyday and i have an assessment with an outpatient program on tuesday. im hanging in there, its just hard. i wanted to quit on my own terms, but apparently thats not gods will for me.
im just having a hard time thinking about the fact that im never going to use again. ill never feel that way again. but the other part of me wonders how i even ended up in this situation and wtf possessed me to even pick this shit up in the first place. i think about getting high every five minutes, the temptation is less since everyone now knows and i know my consequences, but i still think about it. i still want it. im really nervous about stopping the suboxone on sunday. i took some vacation days so i can cope with things at home. fml.
the situation i got busted in is so fucked up no one would even believe it. the police did a few things wrong and im hoping when i have a consultation with a lawyer they agree. i have done some research and im pretty positive that my rights were violated. not to mention the dope was in my friends car and we both got stroked.
thanks again everyone, my prayers go out to everyone struggling like i am. its difficult, its hard, and physically and emotionally draining.
im just having a hard time thinking about the fact that im never going to use again. ill never feel that way again. but the other part of me wonders how i even ended up in this situation and wtf possessed me to even pick this shit up in the first place. i think about getting high every five minutes, the temptation is less since everyone now knows and i know my consequences, but i still think about it. i still want it. im really nervous about stopping the suboxone on sunday. i took some vacation days so i can cope with things at home. fml.
the situation i got busted in is so fucked up no one would even believe it. the police did a few things wrong and im hoping when i have a consultation with a lawyer they agree. i have done some research and im pretty positive that my rights were violated. not to mention the dope was in my friends car and we both got stroked.
thanks again everyone, my prayers go out to everyone struggling like i am. its difficult, its hard, and physically and emotionally draining.
Hey dopesick... a little trick that you will learn in na, JUST FOR TODAY, that's all you have to do, if you tell your addict self that this is permanent.. forever, freaks the shit out of it, so just say I don't know, but just for today..
Negative consequences don't do shit, otherwise why would drug addicts end up in jail over and over, focus on the positive things.. your life may seem bad but if you look at it realistically its going fine.. allot of users.. not, dealers get off pretty good sometimes, so don't freak to hard...
Stay in NA and get a sponsor immediately, they make good character witnesses and are often trusted and persuasive with the courts and can testify on your behalf before sentencing..
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
you will be fine no matter what
Negative consequences don't do shit, otherwise why would drug addicts end up in jail over and over, focus on the positive things.. your life may seem bad but if you look at it realistically its going fine.. allot of users.. not, dealers get off pretty good sometimes, so don't freak to hard...
Stay in NA and get a sponsor immediately, they make good character witnesses and are often trusted and persuasive with the courts and can testify on your behalf before sentencing..
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
you will be fine no matter what
Telling my parents everything that was going on was the best thing that ever happened to me. They got me into a suboxone doctor, therapy, etc..I felt so much better not having to hide my junky side from them anymore. Even if I do screw up once in a while, I can be honest and just tell them and they are disappointed, but get me right back on track. There is always someway to fix yourself for the better if that's what YOU want. There are court appointed lawyers (some are very good), caring doctors, state and local clinics. There IS help, no matter how bad things are. People are generally willing to help if you ask and are sincere and honest. Suboxone is not my ideal choice, but I seem to suffer permanent PAWS and chronic pain issues, so I guess it's the lesser of two evils. Some people just NEED to have an exogenous opioid, be it suboxone, methadone, oxy, whatever.